If there’s one thing BWNG can agree on it’s that we don’t agree on everything; that’s one of the fun aspects of the blog, you get to see four different perspectives ranging from chivalrous ideals to chauvinistic behaviour. It’s a man thing. The trending topic in the household this time surrounded the ever popular question “Can Men & Women Be Friends?”. We were divided in our thoughts and decided to share why The Yak and Don Kwelu were so adamant with their cases…

4 Reasons Why They Should Be Friends - By The Yak

Developing a horizontal view of the opposite sex

Michael Eric Dyson once stated that men tend to have a destructive vertical view on their relationship with the opposite sex, where we place our mother/daughters at the top, some have a parallel view of their partners, yet we look at a majority of women outside of those two groups as sexual conquests. As difficult as it is for any of us to change this mindset, it is essential for us to at least attempt, for the purpose of self-actualisation. If we all can argue against racism and all other forms of prejudice, how can we justify the need to undermine the opposite sex as mere sexual objects?

The only way to have such a relationship would be to have female friends of similar intellect and interests. Also by avoiding gossips and over analysing each other’s relationships, the relationship will tend to be less emotionally demanding from both sides and you can genuinely take comfort in that you have personally changed one of the oldest paradigms in human history.

The ability to benchmark

Most platonic friends are based on the fact that there are usually one or two things -for the lack of a better word- which stops the two of you from being compatible. This therefore means that you can begin to use the things that you do actually like about your friend as a benchmark for people that you are looking to date. I can honestly say, I have filtered out a lot of potential headache relationships based on benchmarking the first conversation or date with how I interact with females that I genuinely enjoy being around. These judgements have later proved to be correct, with later finding out these so called potentials ended up having emotional baggages, which would have wasted valuable time and effort.

Compliments and Ego

Women love compliments and men love whatever facade it is that boosts their ego. Perfect example, one of my female colleagues -of whom we have a slight history- and I have a relationship that everyone around us believes is anything but platonic. To be honest, I don’t actually mind the fact that people think that every time we go off together after a gathering that we are “shagging” each other’s lights out. We don’t make it easy for the rumours to stop neither, with both being single and now and again flirting on social networking sites. She loves the compliments and I love the fact that the dude that fancies her and tries to act like he actually likes me, really hates me deep down and probably goes to bed at night envisioning me waking her house naked, making scrambled eggs ala Melvin on Baby Boy.

On the serious note, a platonic friendship means that you can make genuine compliments and at times flirt just for the sake of it. This usually starts to bring the admirers out of the woodworks, in the words of LL Cool J “No woman wants a man that another woman doesn’t want”.

Potential Partner

Now I know that this is a bit of a contradiction, but who else should you engage in a proper long-term relationship with than someone who started as a platonic friend? The one or two things that prevented the relationship would have most probably been overlooked over the years and as we all become desperate and old, most times it is a safer bet to go for the devil you know. Also saves you introducing her to your mates and meeting parents etc.

4 Reasons Why They Can’t Be Friends - By Don Kwelu

Attraction

All relationships whether platonic, romantic or sexual are usually based on attraction; there may be different kinds of relationships but one cannot deny that it is attraction all the same. In the case of friendships, both people are attracted to each other’s personalities and even if we – for arguments sake – say there is no physical attraction, this is still dangerous.

A couple of failed relationships down the line, if you ever find yourself looking in the mirror and asking yourself the question “where are all the good men/women?” after a brief two minute pause you might find yourself flirting with the idea of your friend as an attractive option, then slap yourself and try to erase the thought from your mind. If you throw the idea into the mix that one out of the two of you probably already finds the other physically attractive it might only take a little time before this friendship gets complicated.

Men are opportunists

99% of the time if you give a guy the chance to sleep with a friend he will not turn it down. You may be thinking ‘Does that mean men will sleep with 99% of all women??’ HELL NO. It means due to the slightly shallow nature of the human species most of their friends will be as I shall put it…symmetrical and 99% of the time a man will sleep with a female he finds attractive if given the option. Tyson Beckford would not roll with Susan Boyle and although Tyra might roll with that weird looking black guy on her ANTM panel and Hugh Heffner‘s female friends are all beautiful, that’s a different kind of symmetry (ones gay and ones filthy rich).

One survey in London last year (find it yourself I stopped referencing in uni) showed that60% of females had slept with a male friend. This therefore means that friend is an accident waiting to happen 60% of the time and when the perfect opportunity arises, its on. If you don’t believe me test it, call him round one day and get changed in front of him and if he doesn’t try to grope you he has passed.

Dodgy Foundations

Men and women think differently and generally are interested in different things. I like my boys because we have similar taste in music, love football, can discuss our problems and sex lives, and at times (when all single) chase women together. JC and I became friends playing Football and he in turn introduced me to the others, we proceeded to play more football (as you do) and bonded after. I did not see him and say “he looks like a good friend, I’ll go and chat to him”. Friendships with males and females usually have dodgy foundations.

How did you meet? “Oh he chirpsed me but it wasn’t that kinda party; we kept bumping into each other at social events since then and got talking now we are good friends” Yeah right!

How do you know her? “we work together and just generally get on”

So why communicate after work hours? and why don’t you call everyone else from work and talk for hours on the phone? Up until now I haven’t heard any story about the 20st girl from work becoming one of my boy’s new best friends…she might be a nice person, hmmmm!!!

Potential Partner Part 2

The Yak’s final point has only furthered my argument dont you think?
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So Brothers and Sisters, what’s your perspective on the Man/Woman friendship saga? Who do you agree with? Can you add to the reasons? Speak Up!