4 Things You Lose Once You Commit
I’ve known for some time that I’ve had to write this post; probably ever since my boy Don said to me “we’re getting old mate” and Mumsy put “when are you going to settle down?” on repeat. I ought to have prepared it and kept it on file, ready to go, like major media organizations do with obituaries. I’m all for sealing the day I lose game forever…or settling down..….However due to the new football season starting and popular demand, commitment will just have to wait.
As unserious an individual I and my affiliates can be, there are moments when we have been serious, by serious I mean been in serious and committed relationships. Long walks by the Thames, picnics in Hyde Park listening to Drake autotuning and feeding each other (ok that part I saw in lady and the tramp because there is no way I’m feeding anyone bar my goldfish) basically all the things that come with being in a relationship, a brother was doing that. I realized during that period and now watching friends in relationships there’s so much you gain or can gain, other than obvious ones like a stressful companion/closer friend, a bugaboo and if she/he can cook then lets not forget the weight one can gain, J rice on the double. I also noticed for every gain, there’s always an alternative loss to provide the balance. Indeed by committing to a relationship there comes some ever so slight negatives that I’ll highlight in order to reduce the possibility of relationship malfunction a.k.a the Ross Gellar effect or The Arsenal and Trophy Cabinet dynamic. So here’s 4 Things You Lose Once You Commit
The first is financial independence, ok I know some Beyonce stans will be reading this screaming at me, “Someone’s gotta big ego, the shoes on my feet I bought em, me myself and I is all I got ’til you put a ring up on it, you’re crazy love, anyway what’s wrong with paying my bills?” …or something like that; but maintaining a relationship does require an element of financial ability, not just stability, there needs to be the ability to be able to take your partner out or just do nice gestures etc. Some of you may argue that it isn’t about the money however I’m not saying it is as JC pointed out in Everybody Loves Raymond…Until He’s Broke
“Sure a lady can maintain a man but putting society and tradition aside, pride and purpose contributes to the notion that men are the providers in the relationship. Women can hold their own and provide but they still want a man that can provide for them. Being broke 24/7 makes a woman feel insecure about a relationship’s success and direction, she may not think it now but she will do”
Man: Hey baby, what’s going on?
Woman: The rent motherf*****
Eddie Murphy RAW
The fact is establishing financial independence is important before getting involved with anyone, unfortunately the best things in life aren’t free anymore, water now cost 60p a bottle.
once you get into a relationship the financial independence isn’t so much lost per say however there’s an element of thought that goes into ones old spending habit. So before you may have bought yourself in one month an ipad, couple albums on iTunes, bought a few trainers, thrown money here and there, without thinking, now the dependency of how many times your woman tells you that you never go out to eat or do anything nice for her depends on your ability to think before you spend, yes that independence becomes a dependent so to speak.
Remember Don Kwelu and The Yak’s post 4 Reasons Why Men and Women Should Be Friends & 4 Reasons Why They Can’t ? Now they argued for and against this notion however when it comes to a relationship, that argument doesn’t exist in fact that argument becomes “I don’t know why Abena is calling you at this time, single people make me sick “.. This undoubtly will be the first thing to go/minimise once you get into a relationship, some argue maybe you were never friends in the first place as I don’t see why the friendship will end. My counter argument would be, it isn’t a case of losing a friend however being conscious of the fact that you have a person or he/she has a person now, so calls between 9pm-6am don’t really occur (for some reason all females become attractive within this time frame, random phenomenon) thus naturally minimising the amount of conversation you may have had in comparison to the past thus reducing how much he or she will know in the future. From my experience the laws of relationship causes you to speak less to both sexes not just the subjected to the opposite sex however this is the first thing from the general consensus that should reduce significantly.
Ok now when I say weekends, it may not be every weekend but I can assure you anything less than 2 weekends in a month will result in “Baby we need to talk I’ve been thinking…” Those infamous words are scarier than the times I used to bring my report card home to my parents but my dada was working late only to expect him to wake me up at some point during the night with a wooden spoon. Us lads live for the weekend, it’s what life is made for and what 9-5 has resigned relaxation and recreational moments with our friends to; even for those who lead a quieter life still live for 10.25pm on a Saturday night (Match of the Day). However once “baby I’ve been feeling you for a while, its time we become official” comes out her mouth just know that time with friends and 10.25pm becomes a luxury.., although a growing number of women actually do like/tolerate Match of the Day, which from experience is quite nice when you watch MOTD with the missus, oh and let’s not forget super Sunday.
This for me is the one us guys lose not women….you’re no longer the man, you’re now the guy that does all the moist stuff, talking about “guys I can’t even come today I got to help the missus with her pedicure”….Ok I’m mocking with the respect one, however we do generate and lose at the same time a level of respect for friends whenever they get in relationship without realising. You naturally generate respect from all those around you for being committed as it isn’t always an easy decision to say I want to be with one person and actually stick, however the constant cancellation of plans with the boys because wifey says..or wifey needs..just causes a natural reduction in the level of respect…I can say this because I’m single now but sidenote to Yak, JC and Don: don’t remind me of this as my wife will never know I was part of BWNG.
I can think of a few more things a brother loses once he commits i.e. hair line, the game..booty calls, However it is fair to say the things gained once you commit outweigh that of the things lost, in the circumstance where it’s the opposite number, other than therapy I’d suggest some serious thought as to whether to continue on such a path is worthwhile or not.
So Ladies and Gents, do you agree? Is it preordained to lose things, people or moments once you commit? What other things do you lose once you commit? Speak on it!
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