5 Reasons Why You’re Still Single
Whenever I see these type of articles, I tend to think to myself its going to be nothing more than the same old list of “you’re too picky”, “you need to put yourself out there”, “you need to compromise” etc. But I have come to learn in fact it’s the contrary. There is no such thing as being “too” picky, unless it is on self reflection because only you know when you are punching above your weight in expectations. The argument coming from anyone other than you is usually flawed because there are two types of people who tell you that you are “too” picky.
- The friend from the opposite sex who fancies you (did I just type the word fancy?), but can’t quite comprehend why he or she is being overlooked.
- The same sex friend who settled down and is trying to have you on the same boat.
I have said it once and I will say it again, the words “settling down” means just that, you are settling (compromising) and usually DOWN! And so leads me to my first reason to why people tend to be single.
You are punching too low below your weight
I have come to find that people aren’t single because they are punching above their weight on expected partners, but more for aiming too low. When you punch below your weight of expectation, you are essentially setting yourself up for guaranteed disappointment in the long run, because there will come a time when you can no longer bare the compromise and you end up cheating or locking it all off. At least when you go for the optimum level that you honestly believe you can obtain, you are aiming in a region where only the slightest amount of compromise is required. Nobody is perfect, and the game is based on perception so the key is finding someone where both your perceptions complement each other (Not compromise but complement.) Makes sense? No?
Take Beyonce and Jay for example. Most people would tell you that Hov is punching above his weight on the looks department, yet you will find a minority of people who would tell you that based on dude’s achievements, Beyonce is the one punching above hers. Now I don’t know them personally and can only go by their interviews, but this is a 
perfect example of two people where both of their demands on a partner are complemented and aren’t compromised. Jiggaman has always been one craving for the Frank Sinatra/John F Kennedy status in Hiphop and such a status needs the Marilyn Monroe type boss lady. Vice Versa for Beyonce, to be a top Diva you need someone with Hov’s stature to keep you motivated.
Ambition + Looks = Positive. If they both went for looks Jay will be vexed!
If you settle, you are guaranteed to fail, although aiming to your optimum isn’t guaranteed to succeed but at least if you hit the jackpot it is what you want. The two great quotes in life that summarise this: “You miss 100% of all the shots you don’t take” AND “Shoot for the moon, if you miss you are still amongst those stars”.
SHE A BINGO HO!
SHE A BINGO HO!
“Hear Say”- Misinformed History
Having lived in the ‘hood’ most of my life, I know that there is nothing more important than knowing the background to a chick you are about to deal with.
Male 1: “Fam, you know I drew that girl’s number last night?”
Male 2: “Is it? Wow, I heard that she is loose bro. Bare man in North beat it…no MJ”
Now, having played the Heskey role, I for one am not on any moral high ground to justify what you should or shouldn’t do in such a situation. But most dudes would take such information as gospel, yet I know so many false tales of guys claiming to have slept with chicks they barely even had BBM contact with. I advise everyone to do their own research, because there are brothers out there who start with the negative facts at all times. Believe it or not, your boy could just be a hater. You could end up letting go of a good broad because one guy decided to earn some fraudulent stripes.
Ways to know whether the sources are true or not:
The Guy is talking sideways:
When someone starts a sentence with “Man has been hearing…” or “word on the street…”, that is what we call in the hood “talking sideways” or conversation with no reference. Grown men don’t deal with speculation unless its football transfer day.
When it’s good for them not you
You know when a brother is telling you that a girl is wife material, until you actually get her and then all of a sudden she isn’t serious.
Man Code “Friends Ex”
This one is quite a sticky situation and I personally wouldn’t go for any ex girlfriends of my close friends who I know they genuinely “still” had feelings for. Now the whole point of having friends is that they know which women not to go there with. BUT and it’s a big BUT, if you are over the age of 23 any woman that you ended with in your teens, is a go zone for anyone of your boys. Man Code Rule #55 The “friend’s ex” is exempt, five years after your adolescence. Teenage relationships are innocent and they shouldn’t prevent you from dealing with a serious chick because she used to be his chick in school. That is young! No pun intended. Brothers shouldn’t be able to cock-block for a full decade because they use to hold hands on the bus in 03. Also if you happen to be the ex and your boy asks you whether he can move to your ex chick, it is best just say yes and keep it moving. Because usually that means he has established a relationship with her and he is asking out of politeness. Whether you say yes or no, he will go in behind your back. No Elton. So if you want to increase your chance of not staying single, the “Friends Ex” is one code that is in need of a review in 2012.
You come across desperate
Women can smell desperation from a mile away. Here is a list that tends to give away a sense of desperation:
- If you are the bait guy at every rave, house party and drink up trying to draw every girl in sight.
- Changing plans around a chick you have just met.
- If she wants to see a film and you have plans tell her you have plans and don’t reschedule your evening around her.
- Talking about your past relationships openly to a chick that you just met.
- Keep telling her how beautiful she is. Even if it’s true, repetition just comes across as lacking substance.
- Driving around town with your boys looking for chicks.
- Good morning and goodnight texts / calls / BBM / Twitter etc
These are only a few of the things that scream out desperation, and women are a master at clocking it all.
No Swag or lack of recreational sex
Swagger and recreational sex are synonymous. Swagger for me is all about self esteem, no matter what you are wearing, it’s all about how you carry it and the confidence that it gives you. Same with recreational sex, if you are getting it for recreational purposes it’s usually with someone who you have a mutual understanding with and that usually provides that extra spring in your step. Now women can sense confidence the same way they sense desperation. A dude who is convinced in his swag comes across as approachable and confident not arrogant. Similar to a dude that is getting it, because both of their conversations with females would tend to be free flowing without sense of desperation or any form of manipulating tactics to get her number. That is why we find that when we are single, the opposite sex just seem to not notice your existence. As soon as you are in the relationship, the options start to multiply, which I believe is down to how you carry yourself and your portrayal of self esteem.
I hope these five points help some brothers and women tighten up their game. I wanted to look at things outside of the traditional symptoms recommended by articles like this and hopefully some of these examples can resonate with the readers?
Feel free to comment and discuss!
The Yak (@TheYakBWNG)
My Brothers, Sisters, Anonymous/Veteran/New Readers whats your thoughts on the 5 points? Speak on It!
21 comments on “5 Reasons Why You’re Still Single”
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Great post confidence is key as you said it does not matter what your wearing we women like a confident non desperate man.
Oh and I know those men in the same rave, house party and drink up trying to draw every girl in sight. Screams either desperate or I would add habitual player!
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@Si, Lol I love the title “Habitual player”. I know one of the BWNG brothers would hapilly take that title. Lol I have to admit, it’s hard to find a balance between confidence and arrogance, because after all it’s how the woman perceives you. Hmm…help the brothers out.
Thanks for the comment
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True say man, I always think that when it comes to exes, you should have to wait at least until double the duration of the original relationship has passed. That way, if it was say, a pretty quick and painless relationship, say, 3 months, then a brother only needs to wait 6 months to make his move. But when more was involved and you’re likely still guiding your bro through the tough times, say around 3 years, then you owe it to him to wait a good six years before you randomly bump into his ex and think “hey you know she was fun to hang with…”
Or not? -
None of these apply to me, so you’re gonna have to do a Part II, NaijaSweetz edition..ya dig? lol.
Five years is a good timeline, re:dating a friend’s ex. Could be earlier, though, depending on the situation. Even though I’ve never felt like starting anything with any of my girls’ exes, I’ve always been open about the fact that I don’t believe it to be taboo for something of the sort to take place. That’s how people cheat themselves of an ideal partner. How is Y going to be mean muggin’ me for going out with her ex while she’s happily engaged to be married? Even if she’s single as a dollar bill, the fact that it didn’t work out between them doesn’t mean him and I shouldn’t have a chance to see what could happen; we just might be better suited for one another. This is all in theory, of course. I still can’t see me carrying on with one of my best friends’ exes. Now, if we’re talking about someone I’ve grown distant from over the years or who I was never close to to begin with, then pffft. Nuff said.
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@NaijaSweetz, I know what you mean. If you’re happily married, the ex rule becomes obsolete. In fact at your wedding I am fishing for potential wifeys from a roster of your exes.
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@The Yak, Haha. My ex has told me that I will not be invited to his wedding, should he ever get married. Apparently, it wouldn’t be cool for him to look down from the altar and see me in the crowd. I find that odd since I assume he would be getting married to the love of his life and I would be a complete non-factor by that time, but what do I know? The only reason I wouldn’t invite an ex with whom I’m close is if the hubby feels a certain way about it.
I actually encouraged a close friend to go out with said ex (the only one I had intense feelings for during our time together) once. They had met, not realizing who the other was to me, and it was awkward when one of them put 2 and 2 together. I had a terrible feeling in my stomach at first, but then I got over it and felt they might make a better match than we did. Thinking about it now, they don’t, but I’m “lucky” neither of them was up for it. Then again, I likely wouldn’t go out with an ex of hers either, since she’s one of my mains. Gotta pick & choose your battles carefully. Best friend for life >>> Relationship that may or may not fizzle within 5 months.
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@NaijaSweetz, Lol first of all as for ur ex he is not serious about his future wife if that’s his reason not to invite you. I have been in a situation where I am chatting to a girl and I realised that she mgut have been feeling my boy more. So I was a man about it and let them get on with it. I realised at that point that we can’t have then all. As long as they don’t make it a habit, then I will bag to start leaving keep certain brothers away from potentials. Lol ain’t no shame in my game.
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Very. Good. Post.
“Your punching to low below your weight” => A positive as this message you sending out is, I hold you accountable for any unmentionables that slide my way when I’m out this weekend…it’s on your head!!
I’m just serious..ly..kidding.
“Hearsay”- Hmm I applaud the noble deed of allowing your research on a girl to be 1st hand, but I know full well that London is damn small…especially a certain ethnic group in London. And they talk, facebook, DM, mms, text, Whats app and tweet…still, every1 deserve a chance right…
Man Code => Friends ex….I will co-sign…under an alias though…
Desperate => Lol, both sexes do this really well. Sometimes to the point at which the ignore each other to seem aloof and mysterious.
I recently had a guy, take my numbre, call and text me solidly for a week to then ignore me for a week , then call and ask if I was getting impatient because he hadn’t called to arrange a date….explain the logic please.
“No swag or lack of recreational sex” => *chokes laughing*…Good sir, I concur, swag+sex appeal is necessary. NOW say it with your chest please sir… -
I think that one of the main reasons why people are single is just because they just are not ready yet and also they may be thinking about being single too much. If you keep thinking ‘Oh gosh why am I still single ‘, then you’re being way to eager with yourself and maybe others can read that or sense that from you.
As they say ‘ Good things come to those who wait’
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I was just talking to my cousin about dating your friends ex. I totally agree with The Yak wrote. An ex is an ex for a reason and shouldn’t be off limits to dating depending on the end of the relationship. If it’s an ex husband or maybe even fiance it’s a no go, but if it’s just an exboyfriend you can jump!
I do have this one question: What do you think about dating within the family? I mean if a girl dated a guy, they didn’t work, and years/months later started dating his cousin or brother. I know of women and men who have done this and the ending result turned out with a kid who was his sisters brother and cousin at the same time. Just want to know your take on it . . .
Again, great post! -
Pahahahaha@ Man Code Rule #55 The “friend’s ex” is exempt, five years after your adolescence.
is this for real? LOL.Enjoyed this read!!! It’s nice to read this topic in a different tone for once rather than the typical ones thatare always on a downer or the complaining negative perspective. Goodstuffs !!
Keepin it moving BWNG as always!!!!!!!!!
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Best post to date, hands down although the article ignores economical and cultural factors that play apart…
Also the reason why evalutaions from loved ones is important is because one day when I do put a ring on my African queens finger its because she is marrying into my family and vice versa. We are ment to help each other grow… long story short if the fam don’t rate (including da gully side man dem, who have more experience with Dysons and Boschs than any hardware Comets and Argos) then how is man looking to wife that Yak, huh, how, tell me
Grown no Boas..Goldon stuff bro