5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Woman Without Expecting A Smack!
You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity
Andy Gray and Richard Key’s rant taught us that sexism is as subtle as racism in this country, Keys as much as he was a twat actually has personality (“Do Me A Favour Love” hilarious) and no matter what age you are you’re always liable for a Tempa T style smack. Women (and men) were outraged at the fiasco and rightly so. To think that there’s no place for women as officials when there’s a bunch of Sissies on the pitch is predictably stupid. That being said we can only count on two hands, our female friends who know the offside rule, and of the 9 who do, one went on a rant via BBM about how she would slap the accent out of Andy Gray’s mouth.
This once again prompted us into a post on what could warrant a slap from a woman. So here’ 5 things you shouldn’t say to a woman without expecting a SMACK
When you get to a certain age you’ll have an imaginary handbook on women, and in that imaginary handbook will include chapters, and in chapter 3 entitled “I didn’t sign up for this” will include a section called ‘Adapt to Menstruation’. Intelligence is knowing that when on her period, a woman’s hormones levels are sporadic which means the majority of them will have heightened emotions; Common Sense is knowing that whatever they do or say in light of these emotions should never be rationalised through ‘period’ statements.
Yes it’s possible that it may be the reason why she’s snapping at you one second, giving the silent treatment another, then crying the next but acknowledge it internally, NEVER mention it externally. If it was up to men they’d stop a woman’s menstrual cycle altogether stay silent but that’s a lose lose situation; just remember that anything along the lines of “You must be on your period” gets the 5 finger SLAAAAP!!
Never mention her weight in a negative manner
Man + Woman = Relationship
Woman + Weight = Sensitive Subject
Woman + Question on Weight + Man’s Opinion = Tense
Woman + Question on Weight + Right Answer (“You’re not too big” “you’re not too skinny” “Yeah you have put on some weight but I don’t care” “I appreciate you for you”) = Stress Free
Man + Woman / Weight = Problems
Woman + Weight + Wrong Answer (“Yeah when are you going gym?” “You sure you should be eating that?” “You need to eat” “You know that don’t fit you right?”) = Anger
Woman + Man x Anger = SMACK
Talking about how hot Meagan Goode, Dania Ramirez or Gabrielle Union are to your woman is all good (to an extent) because you and her both know:
1) you will never get them
2) they’re not accessible
3) They only look good on TV or with make up on (from your woman’s perspective).
When it comes to women in Westfields, Starbucks, Gym, the JSA line etc it’s a whole other story; you could be with your girl at any of these destinations and along comes this fine specimen, you can either notice her and carry on your business as an innocent bystander or you could be a complete doughnut and say ‘she’s nice’, don’t be a doughnut, it will end your career. Your woman is privy to the idea that you think she is The Chosen One, any inclination of your unofficial alliance to another woman will shatter her. If your girl says she’s nice first then you have gateway to agree, just lay off the enthusiasm, it will end your career.
When it comes to complimenting her friends, enthusiasm should never be an option; much like when you see a random woman DONT acknowledge her good looks first…ever. Wait for your woman to mention it or ask for your opinion…if you have been prompted to give your 2 pence, make sure it’s 1 pence…your tone and choice of words are vital. A solemn “Yeah she’s quite pretty” will save you, An excited “Danielle’s nice you know” will end your career.
If your relationship is four months strong, conversations regarding an ex should be on it’s way out of your normal topics, keep it that way. You are supposed to have moved on; bringing an ex up suggests different and your girl will always feel she is competing. Don’t mention places you went to with your ex, don’t talk about what you did with your ex and don’t compare your current woman with your ex in any manner. Paris has gotta be one of the most annoying destinations in this instance because every brother takes his girl there and every girl wants to be taken there. Do you mention it to your new girl that you’ve been with your ex? ….She will make it known that she’s sick of hearing about your ex, you will find her outburst irrational, she will cuss, you will patronise and you could be liable for a slap if she’s brave enough.
For years BWNG have dismissed the idea that a woman can get angry to the point of slapping a brother for calling her crazy until we witnessed an argument on the Central Line. It was your standard everyday argument on the train to work between a random man and woman, not sure what the argument was about…maybe the dude stepped on her foot, maybe her make-up stained his shirt, maybe it’s maybelline, whatever it was the last four actions stay on our mind. She said “you make me sick” he laughed and said “you’re crazy” and then she gave him the Tracee Ellis Ross eyes and smacked the bejeezus out of him.
Did we laugh? yes but later we came to the realisation that it was still funny if she in fact wasn’t crazy she would have just carried on cussing him, no stranger is worth the physical abuse unless the circumstances are extreme. She had to have a level of untapped craziness to attempt a backhand (oh did I forget to add that part? yep it was a sweet backhand). Bottom line is know who you call crazy, you just might be right.
Of course these scenarios are subject to opinion and a woman can easily resist slapping a man for such things but they do create the option right?
So are there any more situations that warrant a slap? Ladies have you ever slapped a brother for improper conduct before? Fellas have you encountered a genuine crazy woman? Speak on it!
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