5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Woman Without Expecting A Smack!
You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity
Andy Gray and Richard Key’s rant taught us that sexism is as subtle as racism in this country, Keys as much as he was a twat actually has personality (“Do Me A Favour Love” hilarious) and no matter what age you are you’re always liable for a Tempa T style smack. Women (and men) were outraged at the fiasco and rightly so. To think that there’s no place for women as officials when there’s a bunch of Sissies on the pitch is predictably stupid. That being said we can only count on two hands, our female friends who know the offside rule, and of the 9 who do, one went on a rant via BBM about how she would slap the accent out of Andy Gray’s mouth.
This once again prompted us into a post on what could warrant a slap from a woman. So here’ 5 things you shouldn’t say to a woman without expecting a SMACK
Never ever ever ever (ever) make a woman’s behaviour and period synonymous….to her face
When you get to a certain age you’ll have an imaginary handbook on women, and in that imaginary handbook will include chapters, and in chapter 3 entitled “I didn’t sign up for this” will include a section called ‘Adapt to Menstruation’. Intelligence is knowing that when on her period, a woman’s hormones levels are sporadic which means the majority of them will have heightened emotions; Common Sense is knowing that whatever they do or say in light of these emotions should never be rationalised through ‘period’ statements.
Yes it’s possible that it may be the reason why she’s snapping at you one second, giving the silent treatment another, then crying the next but acknowledge it internally, NEVER mention it externally. If it was up to men they’d stop a woman’s menstrual cycle altogether stay silent but that’s a lose lose situation; just remember that anything along the lines of “You must be on your period” gets the 5 finger SLAAAAP!!
Never mention her weight in a negative manner
Man + Woman = Relationship
Woman + Weight = Sensitive Subject
Woman + Question on Weight + Man’s Opinion = Tense
Woman + Question on Weight + Right Answer (“You’re not too big” “you’re not too skinny” “Yeah you have put on some weight but I don’t care” “I appreciate you for you”) = Stress Free
Man + Woman / Weight = Problems
Woman + Weight + Wrong Answer (“Yeah when are you going gym?” “You sure you should be eating that?” “You need to eat” “You know that don’t fit you right?”) = Anger
Woman + Man x Anger = SMACK
Don’t give another woman too much talk time…especially your woman’s friend
Talking about how hot Meagan Goode, Dania Ramirez or Gabrielle Union are to your woman is all good (to an extent) because you and her both know:
1) you will never get them
2) they’re not accessible
3) They only look good on TV or with make up on (from your woman’s perspective).
When it comes to women in Westfields, Starbucks, Gym, the JSA line etc it’s a whole other story; you could be with your girl at any of these destinations and along comes this fine specimen, you can either notice her and carry on your business as an innocent bystander or you could be a complete doughnut and say ‘she’s nice’, don’t be a doughnut, it will end your career. Your woman is privy to the idea that you think she is The Chosen One, any inclination of your unofficial alliance to another woman will shatter her. If your girl says she’s nice first then you have gateway to agree, just lay off the enthusiasm, it will end your career.
When it comes to complimenting her friends, enthusiasm should never be an option; much like when you see a random woman DONT acknowledge her good looks first…ever. Wait for your woman to mention it or ask for your opinion…if you have been prompted to give your 2 pence, make sure it’s 1 pence…your tone and choice of words are vital. A solemn “Yeah she’s quite pretty” will save you, An excited “Danielle’s nice you know” will end your career.
Don’t bring up your ex after four months…
If your relationship is four months strong, conversations regarding an ex should be on it’s way out of your normal topics, keep it that way. You are supposed to have moved on; bringing an ex up suggests different and your girl will always feel she is competing. Don’t mention places you went to with your ex, don’t talk about what you did with your ex and don’t compare your current woman with your ex in any manner. Paris has gotta be one of the most annoying destinations in this instance because every brother takes his girl there and every girl wants to be taken there. Do you mention it to your new girl that you’ve been with your ex? ….She will make it known that she’s sick of hearing about your ex, you will find her outburst irrational, she will cuss, you will patronise and you could be liable for a slap if she’s brave enough.
Don’t call her crazy (unless it is clinically proven or she is NOT crazy)
For years BWNG have dismissed the idea that a woman can get angry to the point of slapping a brother for calling her crazy until we witnessed an argument on the Central Line. It was your standard everyday argument on the train to work between a random man and woman, not sure what the argument was about…maybe the dude stepped on her foot, maybe her make-up stained his shirt, maybe it’s maybelline, whatever it was the last four actions stay on our mind. She said “you make me sick” he laughed and said “you’re crazy” and then she gave him the Tracee Ellis Ross eyes and smacked the bejeezus out of him.
Did we laugh? yes but later we came to the realisation that it was still funny if she in fact wasn’t crazy she would have just carried on cussing him, no stranger is worth the physical abuse unless the circumstances are extreme. She had to have a level of untapped craziness to attempt a backhand (oh did I forget to add that part? yep it was a sweet backhand). Bottom line is know who you call crazy, you just might be right.
Of course these scenarios are subject to opinion and a woman can easily resist slapping a man for such things but they do create the option right?
So are there any more situations that warrant a slap? Ladies have you ever slapped a brother for improper conduct before? Fellas have you encountered a genuine crazy woman? Speak on it!
18 comments on “5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Woman Without Expecting A Smack!”
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Hahaha “must be on your period” is the killerrr. And LOL @ the tracee ellis ross picture!
I remember one time I gave a guy a slap. Here’s why:Me: “Do you wanna go to the cinema?”
Him: “Have I woken up in high maintenance town? Why can’t you wait for it to come on Sky? Next thing you know you’re gonna start wanting to eat at places with cutlery. Cha”
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Oh please women use that period talk as an excuse most times for emotionally dis balanced outbursts. Thats the issue man dem need to stop tiptoeing around women and they need to start being REAL!! Honesty is the best policy!!!
I am disappointed in BWMG your starting to sound like PWND (crankiest type of women about!!) I mean Andy Gray said what MOST men thought when they saw that woman on the touchline.
From your local pub to work office to mosque to church, we all thought what the hell, WTF is this
The one place I thought Andy Gray (clearly a brother or grandpa with no game) would get some amnesty, some support and what did you guys do!!!
Only JC or Maverick could have wrote this because I KNOW Yak and that Danna Don Kwelu would never write that feminist drival… if she has put on weight tell her cut out the Krispy Kreme and Fitness 1st membership is not a magic wand, you actually have to go!!
I took a size a zero hero to a restaurant once and she said ‘am I suppose to be grateful’, I said ‘nope, I’m only doing my bit for Oxfam’. Skinny chicks that starvation ish aint cute, forget the Ritz get your ass to KFC
“Why are you crying, who died, who has hit you”
“Valentine’s Day not a real holiday so I know you aint looking Thompson Cook again”
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@Period, Hilarious!
Valid points but at no point in this post did we say that we agreed with brother Gray being fired, we just agreed it was stupid for him and Keys to have a go at a lineswoman, ESPECIALLY as she called the decision right, that made him look like a d*ck and so women (and men) had reason to have outrage. Suspension would of sufficed, I dont wanna see Jamie Redknapp taking over my screens kissing Chelsea’s ass.
Weight comment was hilarious but what you doing wasting money on a size zero in the first place? lol
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@Justin Credible, were all trying to beat bruv lool.. no one said the size hero wasn’t attractive but her big mouth, damn
Real talk my issue isn’t the weight, big or small I love for them all, I don’t discriminate but if you express concerns for your weight, I’ll express it.
Fair play a suspension would have done the trick because Jamie Redknapp makes footy look like bloody London Fashion Week, I should slap geek, I would rather she his MILF on SKY
The hypocrisy, shoot me but shoot Mr Blatter 1st along with these footy dudes:
Linekar + Blatter + Erikson + (facist)Berlusconi = BrothersWithGame (love them or hate them)
Andy Gray + Chris Karama + Mark Lawrenson = BrothersWithNoGame
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LMAO at the ‘realness’ coming from @Period.
I can appreciate real-ness, what I can’t appreciate is people without tact. Yes men should be sensitive to a woman’s feelings and this should also be reciprocated when it comes to women ‘keeping it real’ with you fellas, cos we all know that you can get EMOTIONAL too. There are some moist guys about, don’t try and deny it. How about we get real ‘tactless’ about the size of your manhood or about how you should be spending more time working on the lower half of your body cos your legs are looking mighty twig-like in those shorts? Or how about we get ‘real’ when the final whistle blows and you’ve just lost the Championship and we say ‘honey, sorry but that really was a penalty’? Calm down, calm down dont get emotional…you see it works both ways.
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@MichelleShanti, tactless about the size of of a brothers manhood?!! Oh please a brother aint stupid and we aint trying to be pronstars. We aint 13, do you think if I was to take one minute or one hour to buss I would lose any sleep!! Oh please, if your man’s manhood is not a mighty timbar as you would have hoped then only him if you have a solution as in a) your leaving if it doesn’t grow b) you’ll advise him as to how it can grow!!!
Unlike yourself I proposed solutions when I kept real and was not afraid of the consequences!!
So if you have a solution muster up the bravery and tell him exactly how he should making that twig into a might oaktree or are you scared of becoming a PWND?As for the football comment? Does your man doesn’t want to her ‘sorry’..think solutions love.. your supposed to take his mind off it
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@MichelleShanti, being sensitive to a woman’s feelings does not have to mean bowing and scraping to her every emotional whim…sometimes you are emotional just because you want attention…nothing more and you use the ‘im on my period’ mentality to try and justify your spoilt behaviour…We can be tactful..but only to a certain degree because believe it or not there is a cutoff point…and as for telling a man his manhood is not up to scratch…you’re the one that’s with him…so suck it up..pun intended.
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@alejandro where in my comment did I say that men should bow and scrape to a woman’s emotional needs? I said I appreciate the real-ness, I don’t tend to beat around the bush myself. What I said is that tact is also needed at times and you also agreed that you can be tactful so it looks like we dont have a problem there.
And the examples I used are common, if not sterotypical, insecurites that men supposedly have – a bit like the stereotypical examples of insecurites women posses (e.g. weight, female friends). They are used for illustration purposes only so please don’t attribute them to me #nobacktracking – i just know better to keep all things personal off of the internet. All fun and games on BWNG!
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LOL at the whole article
Telling me I’m fat might cause offense, but it doesn’t warrant blows! None of these situations warrant physical violence from a woman. The only time I would ever slap a man (or anyone for that matter) was if they became physically violent towards me first. If he is being verbally abusive or disrespectful, I can always handle that with words or just a complete lack of acknowledgement altogether. Slapping someone because you don’t like what they say is juvenile and shows poor communication skills.I don’t own any man’s mind and so he is free to think and say whatever he pleases. I’d prefer he was real and uninhibited in what he said and was able to use his own judgement without cowering in fear of when I might send a dry slap across his face!
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“maybe it’s maybelline”
That part cracked me up. There are many a faux pas that can lead to a woman’s blood boiling, but I’m not a proponent of taking things to a physical level. I can’t really applaud a woman for slapping a man unless he was being downright disrespectful, and even then, she should be careful because not every man will simply brush it off. I don’t think anyone is worth the hassle, really.
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Guilty! The “You’re crazy” line warranted for a slap upside the head, don’t overstep the mark, remember you’re place and the respect u should have for the woman you love. Granted violence isn’t the answer, but neither is trying to send me to the mental asylum just because you’re in the wrong and cant admit the fault. I find when boys r wrong tish gets petty and when girls are irritated by it, tish can get loud and ghetto!
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When a woman is clearly upset and a guy disregards her emotions/feelings. Not cool! Never respond to a woman with don’t start or what you crying for now? Us women can be real sensitive.