Hi Guys, keeping up with our #ListOfFiveWeek theme I thought maybe its time to bring up a subject we rarely (if ever) discuss on BWNG, Cheating. I know it’s not one of those topics everyone likes to talk about as it gets people defensive wondering where their man/woman is right now but its got to be done. How do we know if our partners are cheating or planning to? What are the blatant indications of a potential cheat you can look for in someone you are dating? Well let me give you a few that I know and as always feel free to weigh in with your own in the comments. Lets go!

No Caller ID but they KNOW who it is

Now this is very abnormal behaviour unless your boyfriend/girlfriend has a memory like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

If they know people that change their number a lot or they have a new number and haven’t got around to storing contacts yet then that’s cool (still 50/50 though!). If they have recently got a new phone themselves and have not got around to updating it yet, then this is also cool. HOWEVER if you  come across a person who seems to be called by various different numbers  with no name saved yet they answer as if they know, or blatantly do know who they are talking to then there’s a problem.

Just the other day my friend’s (who has a boyfriend) phone rang  next to me. She asked me to tell her who was calling as she was in another room and I shouted “some 079 number” . When I passed the phone to her so she could answer she briefly looked at the screen said “ooooh” and then picked up. The convo went like this, “Yo, I’ll call you back in a bit” a slight pause and then she hung up, giving the other person only a chance to say ‘Ok’ before they were greeted by silence.

There was no “who’s speaking?”, no formal voice like it could be an employer or anything along those lines, it was short and sweet followed by a suspicious facial expression but hey I’m not the police. I would have been surprised by this if it was the 1st and not like the 10^th time she’s done this but I wasn’t and I have seen this from her and many other of my boys before. I also noticed that this “call back” did not take place in my presence even though we weren’t doing anything particularly important. From my understanding there is a reason that the number is not stored in their phone and that is because they dont want anyone except themselves to know who is calling them. PS: This person is similar to the person who’s phone is always on silent, whispers when they answer the phone or leaves the room because there is no “reception”.

Refusal to Acknowledge you in Public

If you have a partner who does any of the following things even though you have been together for quite some time please be worried as despite what they tell you its not normal.

1. Refuses to take you to places where they’re “chilling” with their closest friends….ever
2. Facebook status says Single or does not exist,
3. You do not attend any events together where singular mingling takes place (Raves, Bbq’s, Parties, black tie events, JSA line etc).

This person is either already cheating or simply  creating the opportunity to cheat unobstructed. If you are in a happy relationship your partner should be proud of you and even want their friends to meet you so they can get a 3^rd 4^th or 5^th opinion as to what they think. If your partner always seems to have an excuse for not being seen with you something isn’t right.

Beware of the following get out of jail lines “I dont want people to know my business, I’m a private person” (I know private people and they are not on facebook). “The world does not need to know we are together its only me and you that matter” and similar nonsense. All this is a polite way of saying, “look if everyone knows about us my side chick(s) will start get upset and I aint trying to rock the boat”

The Accused becomes the Prosecutor

If you have been suspicious of your partner’s behaviour and think that they are cheating or planning to, you should leave them because as we all know, trust is everything. However that’s in an ideal world and you know we don’t live in one of those; so  try to make the best of this one. If you are still there but always asking the following questions you are now assuming the role of The Paranoid Lover: “Where were you?” “Who is she, I’ve never heard her name before?” and “Why can’t I look through your phone while you’re awake?” (Translation: I already did it while you were sleeping but I want to see your reaction) These questions usually  create friction or get you the answer you have been looking for however beware of reverse psychology. This is usually a tactic to throw you off that actually has a remarkable success rate despite usually being blatantly obvious.

Woman:  “How come you came home so late? and why was your phone going voicemail?”

Man: “I went to meet my friend for some drinks after work, sorry my battery died”

Woman: “Which friend?”

Man “ Hold on one sec someone is on the other line”

*beep beep, beep beep* (At this point the man is thinking of a sufficient response)

Man “Sorry about that it was David thats who I was with” (the best friend aka the fall guy).

Woman “Hmmm”

Man “Where were you?”

Woman “I was at home”

Man “with who?”

Woman “By myself obviously”

Man “Why is it obvious, you have friends dont you?”

Woman “Im not the one who didnt know where you was”

Man “Neither did I”

Notice the terrible but slight successful attempt at the counter attack from the guy?

Non-Existent Sex Life

Sex being a big part of most relationships always becomes a question mark when a couple who once enjoyed a fantastic sex life suddenly have a completely non-existent one. Lets be real; after a long period of time, your sex life with your partner may become a bit routine and need to be spiced up a bit, however this is no excuse for it to become non existent. Unless you are waiting until you are married, taking a vow of celibacy, or the woman has just had a baby or traumatic experience; sleeping in the same bed on so many occasions without sex is a VERY bad sign.

If they are not getting it from you then your partner is either turning gay, going off you or getting it from somewhere else; simple.

Random Disappearing Acts

If all of a sudden your partner has no battery life on their phone after dark, starts to visit their mother at 1 am or every 3 days is with the same friend; be suspicious. These random disappearing acts may be coincidence however if they become frequent somebody’s doing the dirty. If up until 2011  Grandma, James and Elizabeth have only been mentioned a combined total of 3 times but all of a sudden your partner seems to be visiting them weekly and their battery dies while they are there then…I”m sorry.

I know some people are thinking “what about not letting them touch your phone?” to that I say come on guys. We have EVOLVED; people are deleting messages, pictures and call logs on a regular basis, thats so old and I think you know that one already. This doesn’t mean that text messages from 2 weeks ago should be the first in their inbox or  call logs that are as empty as the Emirates trophy cabinet should not be met with suspicion, I just left it out because you should know this all already.

*Disclaimer* If you are a cheater and you a reading this right now thinking damn you, or your partner reads this and phones you beefing im sorry no hate mail please

Don Kwelu