Sex, Relationship & Dating Apps That Need To Be Created
Hi, we’re Brothers With No Game, you may remember us from such posts as Man Code/Law/Commandents/Rules & Grouchy Young Men, and will knight us for future posts including ‘The Hairline Chronicles: The 5 Stages Of Acceptance’ and ‘Taking A Photo Of Yourself In The Mirror With A Mobile Hasn’t Been Cool Since 2006’. Today however we’re concentrating on a subject that REALLY matters Sex,
Relationships & Dating.
Last month we attended Kevin Hart’s sold out show at the O2 Arena and one of his warm-up acts, Spank The Comedian ( who was hilarious) had a segment where he spoke on a ‘new app’ on his phone which helps you catch out your girl if she tries to go through your phone.
Male Readers: “Hmmm”
If she tries to activate your password, the app takes secret photos of her for you to see later. Nice. Is this app real? Probably not; but it would make sense for brothers and sisters who like their privacy. This got us thinking about actual apps that would be beneficial for all of us! Ladies and Gentleman, Sex, Relationship and Dating Apps that need to be created
“Guy: ”What’s wrong?”
Guy: ”You don’t sound yourself did I do something”
Girl: “If you don’t know it doesn’t matter”
Girl: ”See you don’t even care”
Taken From Things Women Say That Wind Men Up
Decoding girl speak is no easy feat sometimes. Put it this way, 99.9% of the time, women mean what they say but 30% of the time they don’t say what they mean (at least from a dude’s standpoint). Us being the Freudian species that we are, are supposed to understand this 30% of linguistics, but we fail miserably. Never fear, the chicktionary is here. This app would be a thesaurus to guide you through the TRUE meaning of words like ‘nothing’, ‘cool’ and ‘I don’t want to talk about it’.
So next time you order food and ask her if she wants something and she says ‘no’ you can.check your chicktionary for multiple meanings and realise that whatever you order, she’s going to eat, regardless.
Also referred to as ‘The Bank’ on Rules of Engagement, the ‘Rainy Day’ app is for the 100% of men who screw up every now and again, and again, and again in relationships. Women remember every time we mess up, they keep it in their heads like a safe deposit, but us men, we remember nothing and when we do have a bone to pick from our women’s mistakes we lash out straight away.
It’s time to get smart. With the rainy day app, you can store moments of every time your girl made a mistake that you didn’t get mad at her about; that way when she gets mad at you for an inevitable mistake, you have her mistakes stored as a counter argument.
The success rate would be 30-70 to be honest, mainly because she’d end up finding out about the app or your counter argument would be lame against hers. E.g She forgot to tape last week’s episode of Homeland Vs You forgot her birthday.
The world needs this app and if I knew anything about this kinda stuff I would make it in a heartbeat. So imagine you went out to a rave and met a lovely lady with her hair did, nails did, make up, eyelashes, the full works; and you were very attracted to her but couldn’t work out if this was how this person looks on a daily basis or whether it’s the alcohol talking.
Simple, Reality Snap her.
A great device which will give you a picture of what she looks like minus all the accessories and see if you are still interested. Ladies never fear this is not a sexist app, it could also be used to show you whether he is really hench or if he’s just wearing a super slim fit top.
Social Media has made the world undeniably smaller, six degrees of separation has definitely been lowered; meaning it is a little easier to find out more about a potential partner. Hey! Lets face it, there has always been at least one person who you have given or thought about giving a background check to. Well look no further than Net Work; simply type in said person’s name and the app will perform as a search engine on their social networks to find out which one of your friends, acquaintances or enemies they have been with in the past.
Rumour has it Kanye West is considering building this app…
Do you suffer from performance anxiety? Are you a victim of premature ejaculation? one minute man? 1 hitter quitter? Well this app allows men to know how many strokes they have left before the big finish so you can pace yourself. Customized alert sounds are available also including “Slow down son” “psst” and awww shiiiiiiit (recording courtesy of Clay Davis).
We’ve all READ or SEEN Recession Dating (no? then read and/or watch it now!) we don’t want to be put in that position…ever. So why not download Date Accountant? the app that helps you balance your budget. You simply type in your budget and your location and the app will give you your best value for money within that area.
One day science will make this a possibility
There You Have It!
So Brothers and Sisters, what Sex, Relationship or Dating Apps would you like to see created? Throw some funny, real, creative apps in the comments section!
(Photos via gizmag)
Ah, and before we forget the BWNG Web Series has a double-page spread feature in Black Hair Magazine, make sure you guys pick up a copy this weekend. We hear it’s supplied stateside also, so have a look see!
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