An Awkward Conversation
As team BWNG travelled home from a meeting at the weekend, as per usual conversations turned to the topic of females and sex within 15 minutes. Our conversation was quite x-rated so I’ll spare you the details but at one point The Yak came up with a statement which stuck in my head.
“When it comes to some aspects of dating and sex, at times the attitude us young black people have can be the absolute opposite of what it is with white people and others”
(white people we love you this is not racism)
He used the example of office sex talk and I immediately could relate to the scenario. I’ll use a hypothetical example which has occurred in the office the Monday after the Xmas party where SBM (Single Black Male) went home with a slightly older SWF (Single White Female) or SBF (Single Black Female).
SWM - “How was your weekend mate”?
YBM – Was pretty good man
SWM - How was Friiiiday night
*SBM smirks*
SWM – Come on man give us the gossip mate
*PAUSE* for the benefit of our female readers this is the point where this dude is about to go in and start snitching. Its worth noting that if you engage in any kind of sexual activity with a man who is not your boyfriend then please know that the night’s activities will be shared with a third party without question…. EXCEPT in the case of “Stealth Sex” or if any of the parties in question are linked to a spouse you may already have. If you still believe the words “I won’t tell anybody” then you are probably too young or too stupid to be having sex in the first place. It’s never a case of is the story going to “come out” its always out, its WILL THE STORY FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU.
Back to the story…
SBM – She said she was a bit drunk and didn’t want to go back by herself, I told her we can share a cab and………..
Fast forward 5 whole minutes of details and now MWM (Married White Male) and SAM (Single Asian Male) have entered the conversation which is about to get political.
MWM - Get in there son, looks like a bit of a freak that one; I bet she loves it, did you get some then? (dude is mad passionate)
SAM– Yeh she’s fit man I’d give her one …
SWM – Did you put your…. in her ………??
SBM - Erm..no..that’s…that’s disgusting
SWM – Bit of Muff diving?
SBM - Wow
MWM – Bit of…. *tries to do THIS*
SBM – Almost but at the last minute she said we cant have sex.
MWM –. Are you sure that you aint telling porkies? you never got none or go for a lil dive? f*** off mate you gotta be kidding.
SBM – I told you I don’t get down like that
SWM – Least he scored
MWM – Technically he actually never came into any contact with any vajajay
Cue laughter
Office sex talk amongst men is something which often left you feeling uncomfortable at times and this scenario was attempted to highlight this; I remember many a conversation regarding sexual practices I will refrain from mentioning that were definitely not topic of conversation amongst my boys. I don’t necessarily see it as something which is either positive or negative I’m just aware that many a time during these conversations I find myself out of my comfort zone and many of my friends often tell me they feel the same way.
In regards to feeling comfortable talking about oral sex I thought that this was a universal thing with black people that we just don’t openly talk about and many people can perceive this to be some kind of insult at times when referring to it. Who watched Top Boy the other day and heard this line from the young girl? “Oh you think your my boyfriend now yeh?, do you wanna bowcat me now?” It was hillarious I laughed for at least 5 minutes and thought that it was so reflective of our young days and how that accusation can be flung in your direction randomly. From school this has been seen as such a taboo and in my teens I did some serious dance floor whining to bashment that told me to bun bowcats, bun chi chi man only to grow up and see Vybez bleaching and certain other artists carrying on with some fruity business. Girls were called suckems if it was learned that they gave fellatio so it wasn’t something which was exclusive to any sex.
As I grew up and paid attention to what Jodeci were actually talking about instead of just gyrating; I realised it wasn’t a universal black thing at all. Lil Kim and Sisqo made some tunes letting people know how they get down, I didn’t take it seriously as dude was like 5″1 with dyed blonde hair and he wasn’t exactly “mandem” but then my favourite rapper made “Big Girl Now” and I further realised that this may just be a UK thing.
If we dont like something because we generally dont like it, fair play but I get the vibe that this is not the case as rather than moving on with it, its frowned upon and made ino a big deal when you know half of the things people are cussing people about they are actually doing themselves. Its so taboo I know right now approx 100 black men are somewhere in the UK stuttering like a mofo trying to ask for head, scared for their life, heart beating super fast. A woman has lived for 6 months in fear of asking her man to go there because he once told her if a girl asked him it meant she didn’t respect him and he might switch. I would say just ask, hint, the worst they can say is no; however I don’t know if that’s me being entirely honest.
Is this just another example of behaviours we can link back to the “Boy ting” “Par” “Disrespect” “I would never let him talk to me the way he just spoke to you” you know “Pride”? Pride is cool and stuff but maybe we should ease up a bit maybe not at work but at least amongst your close friends. I’m not about to try to attempt to link pride and oral sex to crime and mention that the same pride gets people shanked for stepping on a man’s air forces and not saying sorry because that would just be wrong but pride is a killer. One of my closest friends who is white and looks like Josh Essex (No I dont watch it , he just gets it in public and starts banging on about it) always tells me he finds it hard to talk to black men about sex or emotional issues as we are so proud and always putting up a front whenever we get into certain conversations. Maybe he is right, maybe he’s just a bloody pervert and “opening up” is not really what the people he is talking to thinks is the best way.
So just a bit of an observation which is food for thought, maybe we just enjoy being more reserved; that is cool…maybe we are fronting. I’m not suggesting everybody start making indecent proposals to people I’m just saying question the reasons why you think what you do and go with your own judgement and not the majority. Too many people lie to themselves as well as people just to look cool or not look bad.
Don’t you dare ask me what goes on in my bedroom and #FreeConradMurray.
Don Kwelu
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11 comments on “An Awkward Conversation”
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Bars upon bars!!!
“..From school this has been seen as such a taboo and in my teens I did some serious dance floor whining to bashment that told me to bun bowcats, bun chi chi man only to grow up and see Vybez bleaching and certain other artists carrying on with some fruity business. ..”
@DonKwelu I hear you and so does mr R Kelly with regards to urinating on women
Please advise us some more!!! When you lick women out is it better with or without whipped cream!!!
#FreeBuju http://www.freebujubanton.com/
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@BEST L, R u suggesting I support R Kelly’s nasty behaviour lol. That dude was caught on camera n is still fronting like he don’t play that, prob runnin round accusing people of the same ting. I’m more into the psychology of it u kno, I’m no sexpert at all so ur question is outta my zone ask someone with experience but If that’s wat floats ur boat tho and whipped cream is wat springs 2 mind wen u read this I aint judgin this aint the playground. Freebuju
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@BEST L, No guy I’ve ever spoken to regarding this subject brought up any extras. As long as the woman takes good care of herself down there, they’re fine. Most of them just like it au naturel, and a lot of it is about making the woman squirm in pleasure. It’s kind of like a woman asking others if she should spray whipped cream on her partner’s piece. It may not be a good idea to indulge yourself if you need alla that. It’s more of a random once-in-a-blue moon addition.
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I’ve got an aquaintance (Tottenham raised, Nigerian parents) who describes oral sex as ‘eating sushi’. Now, quite apart from being the funniest way there is to describe said act, it says a lot about his attitude towards it, don’t you think? Illicit, foreign at bit ‘out there’. I grew up and remain white as white can be, and I don’t ever recall mates of mine ever being shy about talking about sex, in fact it was always very open. Now, given that we’re talking about men talking about sex, obviously there was a fair line in bullshit and exaggeration going on, but there was still the perception that it was OK to talk about it. It’s funny really, what with the stereotype of (white) Brits as repressed, but that’s how I’ve always known it.
Maybe it’s got something to do with the colonial stereotype of black men as hypersexual; maybe it’s a subconscious reaction against that? Or maybe a hangover from Christian dogma? Protestant philosophy is pretty anti-sex
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Sometimes, it simply depends on what stage/place in life you find yourself. I still remember my HS days when black girls would get a bad rap sheet if it was found out that they’d ever given head, and black boys were very much influenced by all those songs dictating what should never be done behind closed doors. A lot of them would grow into men who believed that wifey could never perform xyz, but it was cool if the side piece did it. The amusing thing is that the first person who ever went there with me is a JA native who once had a strong negative opinion about it…..until it took over his mind and he couldn’t help himself. This was in my post-secondary days, and generally speaking, people were grown about their business. I hardly heard anyone saying “ewww” when such things were discussed (unless it was more of a personal thing and not really judging others for doing it); anal was the new no-go area. I think part of the problem is that people are too busy worrying what others would think about their activities behind closed doors. The easiest way to solve that is by not divulging your bedroom antics to any and everyone who inquires. Also, it’s good to keep an open mind about certain things. It’s silly the number of people who’ve actually wanted to try something at some point, but let thoughts of some dancehall tune or their boys’ reaction psyche them out of it. Soft things.
But you’re definitely right about it not being universal. I’m in Canada, but man dem in the States are all ’bout it. Oral is EXPECTED from both sides. lol Sh*t, I still remember stories my girl told about one trip where guys were lined up at the club offering up tongue services like it was nothing. Women who aren’t down with what a lot of them consider the most “basic” of sexual activities are referred to as prudes. We’re not as liberal with it on this side, but not as stush about it as y’all seem. As for me, I’m not down with others dictating what I am and am not. I’m probably considered to be closer to the prudish end of the scale, particularly since I’ve opted out of the game altogether for a time now. However, I talk about all these things with ease.
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I admit I was one of those narrow minded people, who felt that oral for both sexes was disgusting and I when my White friends would discuss it, I wanted to be sick…. But it’s a natural thing to do like having sex. I agree with najiasweetz that you don’t need to share you bedroom deeds wid the world, but just know that if you want to discuss it do it with those who are mature and open minded enough to discuss it properly.
People think that once you have experienced or given oral sex, you must do it always…. That’s never the case, I think it should once in a while when you feel like doing a lil extra for your guy or your girl…..
Black people in the UK need to be more open minded and stop making everyday things into a taboo….. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, your dignity remains intact once you’ve done it… If anything it brings you and you partner closer…..
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I don’t believe in sharing what I get up to in the bedroom with nosey parkers, before one of em decides to start competing with me for what I got cos it sounds so good. The only person I’ll be going oral wid is the one I married and intend to have my kids with. That level of intimacy demands respectable boundaries. Putting my mouth anywhere other than on that man in that way makes me feel sick and having more than one mans head scope wagwan down there doesn’t bear thinking about. Nah sah! Ima let that be a one man wonder lol
“….Its so taboo I know right now approx 100 black men are somewhere in the UK stuttering like a mofo trying to ask for head, scared for their life, heart beating super fast.” < LOOOOOOL
Bruv, do you know what this reminded me of?
Chris Rock: "Excuse me ehh, I was thinking ehhh…"
"..From school this has been seen as such a taboo and in my teens I did some serious dance floor whining to bashment that told me to bun bowcats, bun chi chi man only to grow up and see Vybez bleaching and certain other artists carrying on with some fruity business. .."
Too many quotables.
Nice one! LOL