After reading this title…

• 50% of our female readers were like “Hell Yeah” and didn’t even open the article
• 25% of our female readers think it depends on the guy and didn’t open the article
• The other 25% of our female readers are reading right now
• 100% of our male readers were like “Here We Go Again” but opened the article anyway because the booty was enticing…

Statistics by Don Kwelu

My fellow brothers and I ponder this question all the time, we ask ourselves will we ever become the men women want us to be, laugh and then move on to more serious issues like who got the most fantasy league points this week or who is the King of Call Of Duty online, its that serious of an issue. Out of all the animals that I have been called in my lifetime from Monkey as a youngster by racists in the ends to Lion by the ladies who recognise my sheer animal prowess none has been used more often than Dog. I once used to be offended by this taking it as an insult meaning that I was nothing less than a smelly little mutt that drools when I see food and wants to impregnate every bitch in sight (no pun intended) but that was a long time ago. Now if I’m honest I don’t give a shiatzu, call me what you like I’m a grown man and I can take it, however don’t bad mind the dog. He’s locked in all day with no friends and no chicks in sight, he gets belly rubs all day from what he must perceive as a strange species and has a maximum of 3 toys. When he gets out after all of the boredom I don’t blame him at all for his behaviour I’m just confused and still trying to work out why the females run away so much.

Maybe in there is a clue as to how fundamentally different we are and what is important to us. I believe I can safely make the following statement although you probably already know “sex is more important to men than love”. I must admit even as a man that reads quite deep to me and shallow to women but a man can live happily without being loved or loving however I wonder whether he can live without sex. I don’t by any stretch of the imagination believe men wont like to or don’t fall in love, its just not that important to them or in the list of “Things to do before you’re 30″ . For a woman I don’t think it is necessary for me to even ask if it is the same I’m already sure this is not the case. You ask a man about his future plans and he will most likely tell you a set of plans revolving around work money and material things sad but true.

“Blud mans tryna get this p, buy a yard, be an entrepreneur with a whip, clock the atmosphere for a bit then settle down” (In English “Listen Mate I need to be financially stable, I want to start my own business and get a nice house and car, do some travelling and then settle down”)

Female response - “continue down my desired career path, meet a good man get married and have some kids, continue my path to career success and hey presto live as happily as possible ever after”

(Notice she mentions marriage and he doesn’t, this is where we often differ as genders).

As a result of this difference in goals, as a man I get asked some of the following sets of rather insulting questions. “When are you going to grow up and settle down find you a good woman?” “If you like her then you better put a ring on it” (damn you Beyonce). I even heard this one recently “You’re gonna have to be a man one day and step up to the plate”, man…… damn so I’m a boy now too? bit much aint it? When it comes to psychology, women are the masters of the subliminal and reverse psychology; forget that degree, Freud wasn’t the pioneer of anything, my great great grandmother was practising real psychology in Lagos a century ago on the mandem. In a woman’s plan “settling down” is almost always near the top of her targets, although in modern times this may be changing somewhat a woman will still happily tell you that because this is not what you want to do you are simply wrong, immature, not a man or maybe some form of animal. I say what is the point of all the negative names and subliminals? If I attempted to tell you how much times I see ‘he’s a dog’, ‘he needs to fix up and be a man’ ‘liar’ ‘cheater’ ‘deceiver’ ‘heartbreaker’ etc on facebook statuses, articles or even just in a random conversation, it would be an extreme underestimation. Remember all those facebook/twitter views on Wayne Rooney, Silvio Berlusconi, Tiger Woods and what’s his face that cheated on Eva Longoria. There was like a sense of outrage “poor Colleen he’s her childhood sweetheart how could he do that?” (have you seen Rooney’s face? he must have lost his mind when offered a threesome) or “poor Eva how could it happen to a woman as pretty as her?” (errr happened to Halle too) people seem so shocked and appalled…..well not people just women.

Men do not seem to be doing a good job of escaping the tag. not all of them, but most and it worsens the issue. My brothers and I have lived with an understanding however for many years that no matter what, in almost every single case in the end you will ALWAYS be the bad guy. You’re either the dog or you are the man who was scared of commitment. I know ladies are thinking right now “what about the man in between? you know, the guy that embraces the commitment and does not disappoint and is a good honest man, Don Kwelu don’t base every man in your standards”.

In response to that I have nothing to say but I am a man, I was raised around men, I roll with men and know we are way more simple-minded than females. Men do not think like this, they can only be converted. No man is just rolling around looking for Miss Right to waltz into their life, its more like she will roll up on him, put him in a headlock and that’s another soldier gone. I’m not saying there is no hope for women to live the dream not at all, I intend not to be a dream killer, I’m just being honest. I just don’t want my females to ring my phone reciting Mary J Blige lyrics with no more stories of heartbreak because he was not thinking what you was thinking (even though I told you the first time you told me); neither do I want to be told that men are not as mature as you because you want them to think just like you, like that is a very mature way of thinking. Men and women are just different, inevitably there are exceptions to the rule and that exception is exactly what you are looking for and he does exist but he is no better than all other men he is just an exception to the rule for YOU.

Don Kwelu

Talk To Me!

Main Pic Source: www.kempsaidwhat.com