Welcome to our first ‘Agony Uncle’ segment Ask BWNG, a concept we’ll be trying every month, answering your questions from our point of view. We originally thought we’d do this via Formspring but we forgot our password and login name decided to present it via post for better viewing.
Don’t forget to hit us up on twitter. Main account – @TheBWNG, The Yak – @TheYakBWNG, Don Kwelu – @DonKwelu, Maverick – @MaverickBWNG and JC - @CredibleJ
1. What are the rules of “the game” when you’re seeing someone on a physical level but end up liking HER FRIEND on an emotional level?
JC says: Dayum! Since you didn’t give a story I’ll run with the idea that in order for you to have liked her friend on an emotional level you would’ve had to have spoken to her on many an occasion, probably in the evenings on the phone whilst Family Guy was on and you found yourself accidentally laying on your stomach with your legs up….or something like that.
The fact that you consider this a dilemma means you are willing to start something more serious and so it wouldn’t do that much damage to take a risk and try and see if you can start seeing this girl on a more serious level. Maybe drop a “hypothetical” scenario to her which describes the exact position that you’re in, if she encourages you to go for the girl you’re emotionally involved in then there’s your opening, if not then you can leave it altogether or continue your short term physical escapade.
Whatever the case one of you is gonna draw the short straw, either…
- The Emotional level friend because she’ll be looking on as you continue having your cake and eating it even though she knows you’re feeling her
- The Physical level friend because she’ll gave to watch you LEAVE her to be with her friend on a level that she couldn’t attain which breeds jealousy on different levels,
- YOU having neither of the girls as the emotional level friend wouldn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings and the physical level friend wouldn’t want to feel like she isn’t wanted.
Take the risk, physical relationships come a dime a dozen, compatibility is limited
2. What do men REALLY think about weave?
Don Kwelu says: I would say that most men are not really bothered whether you have weave or not as long as it looks good. I am however not one of those men and prefer to date women who do not have weave. Women do it so they feel better about themselves and THEY like it and not because men vocalise how much they like weave so much and it is quite irritating when girls say “why you cussing weave for, you guys always go for the girls with the weave anyway”.
This is not true
The fact is if about 70% of black women wear weave (unofficial stats) we don’t have much of a choice do we? Men can’t really touch it because you spend 6 hours doing it, the rest of the day patting it and wrap it up at night time when he (your partner) wants to actually see you at your sexiest. For those reasons I think I can safely say men really don’t think much about weave as it has already defeated us; you cant run away from it because nowadays its the norm. By not liking it you are just made to look like a hater and reduce how many women are available to you. I think more about whether the black female in particular’s mind feels that what they are given naturally is only beautiful in the Indian/Brazilian variety and am surprised at just how far people go and why in some cases people destroy their own hair in order to attain that image.
Maverick says: I feel alot of men don’t actually have a resounding issue with weave, the only reason most men kick up a fuss is because the general consensus do..so don’t be fooled.
However the one issue surrounding weave with me personally is when I wanna get all emotional/touchy feely with you and you start manouvering like Mayweather when I wanna touch you from your neck up….As well as waking up in the morning and finding strands of “your hair” on my pillow/shower/sink basin and on my couch…errrr.
3. I’ve seen Signs of the Disiac but what are Signs of a Deal-Breaker for men?
JC Says: Though men have a relatively general view of what they like and what turns them on, it’s more difficult to generalise deal-breakers as one man’s dislike (a girl who smokes) may be another man’s Tuesday. However I wouldn’t be remiss to think that MOST men would regard these as deal-breakers:
1. If she has bad hygiene…
2. If she lies regularly
3. If she flirts with other guys
4. If she chastises you in public…..you ever see a guy get cussed out by his woman outside Selfridges? Pure comedy
5. If she physically abuses you….no seriously haha
6. If she doesn’t support you
7. If she’s reeeeeeeeeally dumb
4. Do you think someone can love someone and continuously cheat on them?
The Yak & Maverick say: Yep!
5. Can A Woman Be Bad in Bed? I read on one of your posts that its possible, explain!
Don Kwelu says: Definitely! Just as men can be poor in bed, women can also. The sheer fact that this is even considered a question says a lot. I can definitely say from my experience some women…in fact quite a few don’t feel they have to put in a lot of effort and I am the only person who is getting rated on performance (if only you knew lol). About 90% of all bad sex for men is the result of women who seem to either have absolutely no idea what they are doing (even though this is nowhere near their first time) or those whose input was minimal, barely moved and just made noises (even the description sounds like a criminal offence) Yes women can be bad in bed, we all can!
6. Why don’t guys like unambitious ladies? Some girls just wanna be the woman, wife, mother and not work?
JC Says: Though I know you didn’t mean it in the context asked, you’ve already titled a housewife as unambitious which is far from the case. Unambitious ladies are rather those that say they want to ‘marry a rich man’ so they can stay home and look after the kids. This makes brothers think that the woman’s main concern is being with someone well off so they don’t have to do “work” and not that they want to build a foundation from home. This WAG lifestyle is Unambitious and Lazy! But for those who do want to build a foundation, read below
The Yak says: There are two answers to this question:
1. Over the past 3 decades, women have been accepted within the corporate world and the feminist movement has promoted financial independence amongst the opposite sex. So within these capitalistic parameters anyone not wanting to do a 9-5 in an office job is deemed as “unambitious” and thus not attractive.
2. Nowadays it is very difficult for one person’s wages to stretch far enough to finance a modern household, therefore the concept of housewife is not deemed to be sustainable.
Personally I wouldn’t mind a housewife because coming from an African household and having large pool of Asian friends, I have grown to appreciate the role that a housewife plays in the family. From experience a household with a housewife is like an organisation, where the mother is the director of the household and the father is the managing director. The father provides the finances and foundation which governs the household and for that reason only deals with top line facts: his management reports are bills and the children’s parents evening.
Such a structure does not undermine the woman’s position contrary to modern belief, it actually empowers her to manage and be accountable for the entire household. The children tend to experience tough love from the father, while the mother tends to be more intimate. This psychological hierarchy tends to maintain a level of discipline between the children, mother and father. Hence why with most African households when a child misbehaves the mother would say “you have embarrassed me to your father.” In a balanced family or organisation there needs to be a level of accountability, so when both parents spend a majority of their time working it is difficult for anyone to be accountable for the children’s well being. It is not surprising looking at the two points mentioned above why the divorce rate has increased over the last 30 years, which correlates with the financial independence that has been promoted within that period.
In conclusion a housewife should not be deemed as unambitious based on capitalistic parameters, because that is not natural and some cultures have proved that some of the most sustainable families have been built on the foundation of having a housewife – providing that the father’s pay package can provide the foundations required.
7. How freaky is too freaky?
Don Kwelu says: There is absolutely no such thing as too freaky as long as you stay away from my booty because that aint freaky n#xxa thats gay!!
8. How do I tell my boyfriend that he’s not doing it for me sexually without bruising his ego?
Maverick says: Tell him that you’ve been introduced to maverick, I’m sure he’ll understand. If he doesn’t understand my only advice would be to either end it or continue to fake orgasms…..*serious face
To be honest you should know your partner better than anyone else, so you should have a level of understanding about how to approach him with particular situation no matter how sensitive..YES it will damage his pride no matter how you angle or approach it however communication is Key and if he cares he won’t stop bellying until you do enjoy (PRIDE IN FULL EFFECT)… Oh how I love the nature of pride.
and if all else fail ..remember a new state of emotion from out of this world ..MAVERICK!! (Maverick.BWNG@GMAIL.COM) thats my email so holla..*wink wink
JC says: Erm…yeah that’s pretty much impossible; however before you take that step I suggest you try and take initiative on the sexual front and show him/tell him what you like, introduce new dimensions to the bedroom or wherever you like bumping bosoms; add a little spice so that not only is he enjoying the experience but he begins to recognise what it is that YOU like. However If you’ve exhausted all possibilities then you’re just gonna have to tell him because evidently a relationship without good sex (unless you take a vow of celibacy) is like pattie with no meat, still edible but who the hell wants to eat it?
Done! If you wanna relay any of your questions to the brothers, hit us up at email@example.com, we keep them strictly anonymous so dont be afraid. What are your thoughts on the questions asked? Holla!
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