Back The F Up….I Still Love You Though
Written via creativity; this next diary segment is purely fictional and is not based on the excerpts from a diary I accidentally found on the other side of a friend’s room when looking for my Ghana v England ticket he purchased for me that so happened to be under said diary. *shifty eyes*
Relationship Day 1: Date went really well, can’t stop thinking about her, smart, funny, can hold a conversation, she’s beautiful. Feel stupid that I used a 2-for-1 coupon behind her back but times are hard. Just got a text from her, to be continued…
Relationship Day 7: We’ve literally spoken everyday! At home, at work. BBM, Text, Email…I’ve been on the phone to her til some outlandish hours talking about everything and anything. Easy conversation, Im not taking a plunge but damn she’s got me
Relationship Day 28: Went out with her again, I’m enjoying spending time with her. Some of my BBM messages arent going through, this phone is whack! Reminder to upgrade ASAP
Relationship Day 42: Out with the boys, apparently I dedicate way too much of my time to her and it’s ‘unhealthy’ for the future…jealousy? probably. Been missing out on a couple things lately but it’s all good.
Relationship Day 47: First argument, wasn’t anything to write home about so why I’m writing now, I dont know. She’s feisty, I dig that. Will probably take her out tomorrow
Relationship Day 60: She wants to go out tonight but I was planning to kick it at the BWNG’s crib. She just gave me the sad face on BBM, gay, she got me. I’ll stay at BWNG til about 8, then go see her aftewards.
Relationship Day 72: I put it on her, she got militant and told me to wait haha. Why? I figured we spend so much time together there’s nothing wrong with taking it to the next level. I respected her wishes though.
Relationship Day 80: My phone bill was nuts! How could it be more than last month? The decimal point is not supposed to be there. T-Mobile got a ring but I got sent the bill, can’t even lie, they got it right this time.
Relationship Day 93: Cooked for her, laid down the R&B, filled the room with candles and cherry aroma glade….say no more
Relationship Day 100: Argh this girl! Went out with the boys last night, saw her missed calls and rang her back, couldn’t hear her so said I’ll BB her. Spoke to her briefly but had to go back to the party, would end up being way too tired to go and see her after. My battery died; when I got home I feel alseep, I woke up charged my phone and missed calls and BBs came by the dozen. Got into an argument with her about how I acted last night. Huh? Where did the paranoia come from?
Relationship Day 114: She says I don’t call her or message her anymore…?…Im baffed, I speak to her near enough everyday, just not as long as before. It’s not easy, I can’t be doing this day in, day out, its unhealthy…where have I heard that before?
Relationship Day 142: Things are going well but her complaints about us spending time together are annoying as hell. Anytime I plan to do something other than be with her she sees it as me not caring. If I end the conversation early, I dont care. If I respond with an ‘ok’ on BBM there’s a problem. I don’t understand. Can a brother get some space?
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When reading these slightly edited fictional entries from my friend’s diary I started thinking about the numerous times I’d come across this situation before via friends and my own past personal experience. This ‘Space’ issue has been troubling relationships since Ja Rule was relevant…a looooong time ago.
Ladies (and Gents) remember this, no matter how compatible and comfortable you are with your Mr/Mrs they will ALWAYS need space every now and again. Sometimes they may need some alone time to themseves and other times they just may need time away from you. (JC, serving you harsh realities since the mid 80′s). We spend alot of time, space and energy dealing with and listening to our girl/guy’s emotions, words, thoughts, wants, needs…and some random days we’re just not up for it. Doesn’t mean we don’t love/like or care about you, we just want a little “me-time”. Give us a chance to miss you.
Sometimes the problem stems from the chasing and honeymoon period. In the beginning men/women are always in pursuit of something whether it be the date, the understanding of the other half, the title of girlfriend/boyfriend or the booty. This pursuit is constant and involves communication at all levels from face-to-face to telephone to email etc. However 9 times out of 10 once we get what we have persued or once we get comfortable after pursuit we tone down our actions, communication and commitment to the cause. We revert back to how we were before we met this person which in hindsight doesn’t seem like an issue but the other half thinks otherwise.
After a period of time the other half begins to question you and the relationship as a whole and just that one change of pattern can make them feel like they’re the ONLY person working hard on the relationship and then you are perceived as uninvolved, drama free and unnattached. You on the other side are baffled by this and in turn begin to think that the person is too emotional, intense, extreme, needy and possessive. You feel smothered, untrusted and ironically cant break free of the Drama.
Shame on you both.
Shame to the one who decided to participate in daily musings for the booty, then took a day off after they got it.
Shame to the one who doesn’t allow the other preferential space.
Shame on you both for not communicating and compromising for space sooner.
Utilising your time in the beginning is vital to how much space is used later on; don’t expect to have an easy ride changing your pattern if it hasn’t been established from the beginning. If you have long talks on the phone 5-6 times a week, then expect the other half to think that’s normal also. If you’re with them 70% of the time, then expect them to keep you with them between 60%-70% of the time in future. However if you allocate your time accordingly and are composed with your pursuit, then expect the same in future. Its all a pattern.
At the same time it’s important for the other half who doesn’t like being alone to appreciate when you need space and doesn’t burden you all the time with their needs that have to be met. That is jarring as hell. Everybody’s different and there’s no formula or measurement of how much space a couple needs but see it like marriage at home.
A husband and wife share the same home (relationship) but get alone time (space) in their seperate rooms; he’s in the living room watching TV (out with the lads), whilst she’s in the bedroom reading (chilling with the girls). Both are comfortable in their environment, it doesn’t mean that she can’t pop in the living room to say hi (give him a ‘quick’ call) or he can’t bring her a cup of tea (buy her a gift for when he sees her) or she can’t flash him a boob (send him dirty messages/pics) it’s just that they do it in their own time because they have gained and understanding of how the other likes their space.
In the end it comes down to that simple concept of communication
Relationship Day 143: So I told her “I like you alot baby but you need to Back the F*** Up…..I Still Love You Though”
I’m gone like my respect for Wiz Khalifa fans
JC
BWNG Readers, Lovers and Friends what’s your thoughts on space? How much space is needed in a relationship? Are you the type who likes to be alone or the complete opposite? Do we need space? Hollaaaa!
29 comments on “Back The F Up….I Still Love You Though”
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Prime example of “Don’t come at me with what you can’t maintain” or starting as you mean to continue.
JC – great post! Shame on you for looking at your “friend’s” diary
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YEEEESSSS!!!!! This post relates to me more than any other. The amount if times I’ve been through these problems. That’s why my relationships don’t last long. All this time I thought it was just crazy females lol. Even very recently (last week) there was a girl I had been pursuing, talking on the phone, texting, meeting up but not really dating, so early stages. We used to talk alot! For about 3 weeks, especially at night. Then last week she texts me just after uni, so I reply “I just finished uni, I’m on my way home now, I’ll talk to you later”. She replies “why are you being like that”. So now I’m thinking WTF not one of these crazy chicks again kmt. I text back “I’m walking to the train station now, I don’t like to walk and text”. What does she do next? She calls me kmt. I try to tell her i cant talk right now And then she hears my boys in the background and starts talking all this crap about me not caring and tries to hype and guilt trip me at the same time. Am I a dickhead? Phone got locked off one time. I cant deal with crazy. The next girl I show interest to I’m gonna show them this post. Sometimes I need space, we can’t talk 24/7. Just because I can’t talk to you at this moment doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you ever.
Ps. We haven’t spoken since lol. It’s only been a week though, we could still get together. I might show this to her and see what she thinks.
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@Uni Guy,
Lol sorry, just to say there are ‘men’ out there that are like this. This post should be archived for all, then when necessary printed out, and repeatedly slapped on your face if you continue to act this way. I can admit not too long ago I have been that girl-not like your ladyfriend though eeesh- but now I’m a woman and love my space at times. Much healthier
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@Uni Guy, Crazy! This is a prime example of what I was talking about. I can only see this situation as one where the girl has possibly been through this before with an ex who drifted away from her so she’s now paronoid. Like D said I hope things work out but if she’s gonna guilt trip you after THREE WEEKS ask yourself is it worth the hassle?
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u guys are d truth..Jus like Blumagic i’ve read all ur posts and they all top notch.But hol up! Does guys stil kip dairies diz day and time?
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HMMM boy, i cannot say anything to do this at all! Everything is SPOT ON!!!!! Yes!!!!!!
Someone has researched, experimented, analysed and concluded! No argument! lol,Great stuffs great way to come bk for me lol, been a minute
bare with me to catch up !Keep it moving as always BWNG!
Ps, got to go an observe this patient – sleeping! kmt, lol.
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I have also been a silent reader that now feels the need to comment ..
Can i just say i am a guy that has had 2 girls like this and it does feel annoying and clingy when they do this …. However as time went on in both relationships, things ever so slooowly flipped around to the point where i was the one seeking out their attention too much.
I wont go into it any deeper, but just a lil heads up for the guys – relationships are never one dimensional, they are always dynamic and the script can flip if you try to fully return the attention that they show you.
Maybe as guys we should feel flattered that someone would show us so much attention and learn to appreciate these kind of relationships more?
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I’ve always loved my space, but I generally make exceptions for a significant other without any (loud) internal groans. However, I can think of at least one person that I could never date because he’s into being with an S.O at every available opportunity. I couldn’t do it. I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of my love of my solitude, either, because my mom has her moments where she’ll tell everyone (including her husband) to take a hike. As much as I love being with and speaking to the object of my affection, I need my “me” time..and not just every week. You’re right though: communication is key and people can’t expect to deviate from established patterns all willy-nilly.
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Wicked post!!! Truth