Catwalk Superstar. Domestic Disaster.
So I met her a month ago at a friends party; *friend of a friend* type, you know the usual. We linked up for 1 film, 1 meal and 1 drink (not all at once like it sounds but spread over three weeks courtesy of the credit crunch…). I had this vibe you get from your various fantastic conversations you have on the phone with a girl which usually involves daydreaming about her booty face moving in slow mo like some cheap romance flick that went straight to DVD.
Last week I was invited round…well not invited, I speeched her and she blushed away the compliments and giggled off all the innuendo and said “I’m home from 8 call me” el oh el, smiley face. Fast forward to the evening and after spending time at hers, jumping from Eastenders to Desperate Housewives I started to feel hungry, peckish lets say. She tells me she has eaten already and asks whether I wanted something to eat about 30 minutes later. I had no intention of asking for food and every intention on waiting to pop the question once I progressed to her half of the chair and made myself more comfortable but she beat me to it. She rushes to the kitchen and comes back with a plate and when it entered my hands my heart sunk.
The chicken looked the same colour as it was in the packet upon purchase and I could’ve sworn remnants of Steel from the bottom of the pot were attached to the rice in the plate (sigh). To compound all my misery (as this is not the worst of it all), the plate is suffering from extreme dehydration issues with no visible moisture in sight. I paused awaiting the “Do you want some ketchup?” question, ready to respond like someone just told me to suck my mum before I said thank you. What a sad feeling vibrating through my body. “I can’t make love on this diet” I think to myself whilst analysing the glass to work out whether the tropical juice was large enough in size to compensate for the lack of moisture in the plate. After about 10 minutes of 20 chews, 1 swallow and nibbles at what was clearly unseasoned chicken, I gave a big Eddie Murphy type smile and handed over the plate and asked for another drink. The rest of the night was a distant memory, I just remember that my belly was still grumbling and I needed to leave as soon as possible because I needed to REALLY eat.
Over a period of time of getting to Know Miss X, the cooking wasn’t the only thing I noticed. Her hair is always in immaculate condition, (I swear she has had every variation of weave in the last 2 months) and her nails are always 
done. She looked a million pounds but her house is always messy. She spent a lot of time talking about her Uni years but didn’t seem to learn any life skills while there; only how to go against everything your mum taught you and eat oven food. You are an educated woman who has watched every season of Keeping up with the Kardashians, owns Cheryl Cole’s catalogue of music, interviews and news spreads but doesn’t watch newsnight or keep tabs on the economy.
In a time where everyone is working like crazy trying to make that paper or be the next big thing fast, life makes people acquire fast habits. As a result what we seem to have is some women out there who look great and sound great but are the total opposite of domestic goddesses and very image focused. Don’t get me wrong we got many of our sisters who are on point but in the words of my man Katt Williams I’m just saying. Men should be able to cook too of course! But what would our parents think of this? How do you think my mum would feel knowing that somewhere out there women are serving unseasoned meat to their guests? She would be devastated! Women who prided themselves on top quality jollof and fried rice as well as the hardest workers you will meet would be distraught to know that some women out there have lost their sense of seasoning and are more focused on fashion. Some will say its sexist, so! My mum’s sexist and said a woman who can’t cook is xxxxxxx. The way to a man’s heart is his belly, the way to a man’s XXXX is his eyes. Don’t blame me for still going to see her, she caters to my other senses lol.
Peace out niggas!
Don Kwelu
So people, is it a necessity for a woman to be able to cook? Are women more concerned with image than fundamentals? Am I unreasonable in my quest for moisture on my food? Speak on it!
20 comments on “Catwalk Superstar. Domestic Disaster.”
-
Totally agree a woman being domesticated because you then have to think will she be a good mother??? if she cant even feed herself healthy well seasoned chicken or cook rice(whereby the grains are separated NOT mashed!) Its fundamental for a lady to be clean in her own home because that reflects who u r.. u cant be rocking brazilian or peruvian hair but cant put gloves on to wash a couple of dishes or hoover here and they WHO DO U THINK U R??? Females like that clearly dont pride themselves of being homemakers then they get to 30 odd and wonder y noone put a ring on it! And its true reality TV has some of these girls thinking its ok to be dumb and its all about the exterior pick up a damn book where fashion isnt the opening line..I LOVE FASHION dont get me wrong but yeah theres more 2 life than keeping tabs on the next SALE!…..So yeah BWNG love that they r brothers noticing this foolery …DOMESTICATION is lady like afterall it says be a lady in the street, a chef in the kitchen, a ***** in the bedroom and a maid in the living room.
-
AHAHAHAHAH i am sorry i will have to come back again to actually give my perspective on the actaul matter as i cannot get serious right now, LOOOOOL! The way you have told this story….ahahahaha..i can feel the emotion!!! LOL
Great stuffs!!!
BWNG keep it coming guys seriously loving it all!
“Quest for moisture on my food you know”! LOOL..well you continued to still see her though so she probably wont bother herself to cook ummmm ‘ well’ lets say, as it made no difference to the end result…..which was your return (wink wink) Lol !
-
While i have nothing against , and in fact believe looking a certain way is of importance. When you begin to tally up the time and effort placed on image and it outbalances skills that i can only describe as required… then we have a problem.
Once you get to a certain age YES it is a necessity to be able to cook – you can give your excuses – but if you cant cook or in fact do not have certain domestic skills… you are lacking in life skills.
Once again presentation is important but its deep than your latest weave or fake eye lashes…
xx
-
In my opinion, it is a necessity for a woman to be able to cook! Cooking should be fun, we watch our mothers cooking when we were young and hey we all enjoy eating don't we?
But just being able to cook is not the end of it, you have to enjoy doing it because that's when the best meals are created. Its a talent that unfortunately some women nowadays do not have or don't really care too much about.
It's truly sad times when your nails/hair are numero uno on your list of priorities, but that's what this society has come to right. Materialism is big these days, kim k, Abby Clancy and the nations sweetheart (Ms Cole) are now role models! WHAAAT!! Madness!!
With that said its also important for a man to be able to cook too. You know the best chef's are all men!!!!!
Its nice for a woman to sit back and have her man prepare the food, hopefully he's got skills.
BWNG I salute you! Just hoping you can cook too :p
-
LMAO!!!
It is definitely necessary for a woman to be able to cook – in general. My mum and i imagine my grandmother would cuss me out and slap me sideways if i didnt demonstrate what i have been raised to do.
This post was very true and very clever. I am grateful that all of my female friends can throw down in the kitchen (double entendre maybe?)
HOWEVER – please note.. if the man is slacking and we dont have the “words” to say it.. your food being thrown together..( some girls dont even dish it out for you) is an indication that this aint going too far at all.
Loved the post though!
-
-
Sure I can cook. I will cook, clean and look hot doing so. My Ma taught me to cook, whilst my father taught me how to change light bulbs and tyres; how to drill a hole in the wall properly (using rawl plugs), how to change a fuse and how to fix the broken flush on my toilet.
Why? Because he told me that after his generation, men would no longer know how to do these things. And guess what?! He was right! I love my man; he's fine as hell, works hard, is good to his mother and grandmother, but not only can he not cook (can just about manage scrambled eggs in the microwave, but they always come out all spongey and dry), he doesn't even know what a rawl plug is.
And this is upsetting.
-
@Mizz DoubleFigues, i so agree with your statement. As there are men in are society..who look good..smell good..hair cut…suit…shoes…is on point to a t….you would think THEY ARE DEFINITELY THE TTP(THE TOTAL PACKAGE)…
Then you get an invite to there home and boy o boy…it all goes down the drain… Their homes look like pig stys…. Unliveable…Disgusting….Dorty Boxers..Plates stacked to heaven..Skid marks in the toilet..need i go on….lmao
Brother cant cook fine but he could try…but not do DIY…NOW THATS SHOCKING…
HIS CLEARLY MOVED FROM BEING A MAN TO A FAKE STRAIGHT UP DIVA..LOOOL… AND HE JUST POSSESS HIS LIFE AROUND FASHION AND BEING VAIN TO SOCIETY but in reality his a total PIG IN HIS HOUSEHOLD…
BUT YET HIS THE SAME ”BROTHER” THAT WANTS A WOMAN WHO CAN COOK CLEAN AND GET DOWN IN THE BEDROOM…SHOCKING I SAY…SHOCKING…LOL
If a man wants a women with all these requirements he needs to be matching hers too…
-
-
I dont think you (man dem) are asking too much of a woman *cough*, but i do think alot of men are indecisive with what it is they actually want. Dont get me wrong there are those beautiful girls with a sick weave and a wok that is regularly (and correctly) used…BUT more emphasis (from men, media, and most of all the woman herself) is placed on how a woman can present herself (that is…how good she looks…because thats initially what seems to get mens clocks ticking)……And im sorry that i fail to agree with guys that say their girl doesnt have to be this or that or look like this or that as long as she has a 'nice personality' and 'makes me laugh' AAANNDDD 'can chill like man dem'….because when your girl didnt spend that extra 10pounds on human hair and got synthetic, your head seems to turn to the lady across the road who did. I dont mean to sound pessimistic, but its slyly true. Furthermore i would expect or at least hope that the ladies of 2011 can cook up a meal (that isnt running away from the plate…literally), but at the same time i think its time for guys (actually and girls) to stop LISTING what they want in a partner, and actually pay focus to what it is THEY actually have to offer and bring to the table in a relationship. hmmmm
-
Lol this happened to me.. the joke thing was me and this chick even had a convo about women that can’t/won’t cook for their man… She went on about, how she was a good cook and can really throw it down in the kitchen.. only for her to offer me microwaved noodles, when I finally went to see her..
I did my thing and saw her for that only period… like someone mnetioned she aint a wifey so you can’t start getting to picky and demanding.
When its your wifey, then it’s a absolute must that she can cook… or if she can’t cook, she must be show effort to try and learn.
-
Pingback: Ni**a That’s Gay - Brothers With No Game
-
This post speaks truth. As a female, I only realised that girls couldn’t cook a decent meal in the kitchen from raw products whilst I was at Uni. It was ludicrous!
I remember coming home to my mother and discussing this and she said, “hmmmm, there are big grown women who can’t cook for their men” I was shocked. Then I heard about the women who are 30+, who try dress like they’re in their 20s, competing with the younger ladies and use the skill of cooking to entrap married (african) men into their 1 bedroom rentals and loins to fund their synthetic head pieces.
Back to my point anyway – I think a Woman should look gorgeous in her own delight and style, but at least pick up some skills in the kitchen. We’re multi-taskers, it shouldn’t be hard to balance.
-
Lol, a lot of chicks won’t cook for a guy they don’t take seriously, like on purpose, so sometimes guys, you should take a hint as to whether a chick rates u or not by that because chances are she cooks for herself on a regular and eats well.
My pops always used to warn me, “Don’t go doing all dat house wife palava for any man because that is how you will just cheapen yourself and you won’t know when you will become his maid!” Lol. This man point blank refused me moving in with guys at uni. Oh how glad I am that he did.
Most dudes *eh-Don Kwelu-em* are just looking for a free ride and most of em get it. Like I’m not tryna be nobodys bendy bus, so I’m careful wid all that. You might get a sneak peek of what lies behind closed doors but that’s about it.Then there’s a lot of chicks who can’t cook to save their lives. Never been trained in it, and have never thought about it. Crazy as this is, those are the ones that ought to be given a chance. It’s not all their fault they were never shown or didn’t have the sense to go figure. It’s the ones who point blank refuse, those are the ones to run from. They will spend all your money eating out (don’t forget, for one to eat out, one must ‘look good’, and that costs monaay on top of whatever you’re spending on food), then if you ever give her any kids, she’ll prob watch them starve or send them to someones house to go eat. Imagine it.
As for Don Kwelu satisfying said senses wid da catwalk chick knowing full well you have no intention of sekkling wid her, you get no ratings man. Lol. It’s a shambles..at least let her know the score and give her a chance.
Ladies, women-dem, females, hoes, bitches (whatever you fancy yourself as)….let Kwelu’s confession be a warning to you, can’t cook won’t cook, you will just become one local bicycle, and some other hottie will replace you as 4-5 seater benz with space for her kids n her Kwelu. The onus is on you!
We all (regardless of our gender) love someone who can ‘throw down’ in the kitchen. That said with my *ahem* limited experience of the male population- you can cruise for a certain extent on good looks. Being able to cook is a bonus. But you see men all the time who are with women who have horrible characters (slightly off point) and horrible cooking schools. You first see with your eyes. Then you feel with you heart. Or in your case – eyes, mouth and maybe at some point it the future heart. It is what it is – not everyone can be blessed with the total package – at some point you will make a call re. what’s most important to you.