Not too long ago we received an email from a reader about the possibility of him being in a rebound relationship.

I’ve been going through a pretty rough time with a girl at the moment, and I was wondering if you could talk about rebound relationships, how to identify when you’re in one, how to avoid them, and what to do with the girl who’s been doing the rebounding

Procrastination may have a caused a brother to have missed the boat on helping out our reader (I hope not) but nevertheless I’ve decided to do a quick post to answer his call and allow our readers to read and express their opinion. Everybody cool with that?…..niiiiice

Without stating the obvious, rebound relationships are a problem; the idea of someone you’re with not being 100% committed to the relationship (especially if they don’t know it) has an adverse effect on the heart of even the strongest people. Most rebounds are short term and aren’t usually based on love but the IDEA of being in a relationship. They alleviate the loneliness people feel when a previous relationship ends; it doesn’t always necessarily mean they want their ex back it just means they want that feeling again.

Unfortunately, you as the rebound go into a relationship flattered and unknowing as a result of their friendliness, enthusiasm and eagerness to get to know you without understanding that it was too fast and too soon for them. Even though the heart may grow fond it’s important to pick-up their habits and take notice of what your partner does to gauge whether you could be a rebound. From a little research and observations I believe most aspects surround 4 signs.

Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship

1. Case Of The Ex

There’s a difference between discussing your past and obsessing about it. If your partner consistently talks about their ex, brings them in conversation out of nowhere and everything reminds them of him or her, chances are they’re not fully over them. You find that this obsession could turn into comparisons and they begin to outwardly look for qualities of their ex in you.

Constant contact may also be an issue as its one thing to still be civil and have some form of friendship with your ex, but another thing to e-stalk and find out what’s happening in their life constantly via text, email, facebook, twitter etc. Coincidentally if he/she DOESN’T want to talk about their ex…ever and any time you mention them it makes them suddenly go sad and have the sniffles like they’re listening to a Donnell Jones or Regina Belle track…you have a problem.

“You can never be open to a new love when a part of you is pining for one that has been lost”

2. They find it difficult to operate independently

Dealing with grief on your own is very difficult (but necessary at times) which pushes many people to jump into relationships. Once in a relationship the trend continues; they can’t seem to be without you for a certain amount of time, they lack the independence needed to form a partnership, they won’t give you enough space and find it hard to make decisions. Make sure you’re not used as a distraction from the issues they’re finding hard to resolve.

3. They’re bitter towards the opposite sex

Naturally or unnaturally people tend to look past the learning experience of a previous relationship and concentrate on negative aspects. This may cause them to have incessant dark moods about their ex and the opposite sex as a whole, which soon turns into silly generalizations. “All men are dogs and users” “All women are goldiggers” suddenly you’re staring at a potential Kelis video. “When the emotion is raw like that, you have to question whether your partner simply has emotional baggage or if they’re harboring deep feelings for their ex”

4. They provide an emotional barrier

The physical and intellectual aspect of your relationship may flourish but pay attention to the emotional input. When feelings, beliefs, direction of the relationship become a topic of discussion and they ignore it, change the subject or stutter worse than Martin O’Neill in post match interviews, there’s a chance that it’s all too much for them and they’re thinking about their previous relationship again. Your short term relationship may be coming to it’s natural end

How do you avoid rebound relationships?

It’s very difficult to avoid these situations as you may not know you’re in one until it’s too late but I’m a firm believer of the saying “time heals all wounds” and if your potential partner has split up with their ex for only a certain amount of weeks/months then you’re playing with hot shitto fire. Of course time varies for different people and it depends on the length of the relationship but I personally leave at the very least a four month gap unless they were one of these or some of the FELA dancers.

Though it may be a touchy subject at the beginning stages of “dating” asking her questions about her previous relationship and seeing how open she is about it and other emotional information is also useful. If all works in the end, you can raise an eyebrow but not have too much worries if he decides to dedicate a song to his ex or she decided to dedicate a song to hers…hmmm.

What do you say to the person who has been rebounding?

Now if you’re the ‘stick it out type’ you could either wait for better days to come where he/she gradually gets over their ex as time moves on or you could initiate a heartfelt conversation about your feelings and concerns with the relationship.

If you can’t take it anymore I suggest the same heartfelt conversation because at the end of the day, most rebounders don’t do it on purpose and whether you’ve been heartbroken in the past or not, you should have an idea (or no idea at all) how they are feeling. The cheesy key is communication but also remember that if a partner keeps dwelling on the past, chances are they’re not thinking about your future. So talk.

I feel like I need to sign out  “take care of yourselves and each other” for some reason…anyway I’m gone.

JC (@Crediblej)

Ladies and Gents I’d love to hear your views, experiences and understanding of rebound relationships. Have you been a rebound? Have you been a reboundee? Speak on it!