Drop Me Out: 5 Things I’m Too Old To Engage In
There comes a time in one‘s life when one realises that one can no longer be engaging in the shenanigans one did in one‘s teens. As previously mentioned in a post, the mid twenties is the crossroad between youthful delusions and hard hitting reality. When 30 begins to loom, time becomes a valuable commodity so the last thing a brother wants to be doing is engaging in petty activities which adds no value to his life.
So I bring you the five activities to drop a brother out of, or in the words of Lethal Bizzle: LEAVE IT YEAH?!
5) Going shopping, 10 man deep
There is something awkward about a small group of grown ass men going shopping together, let alone a So Solid-esque group of men rolling to Oxford Street, only for one of them to actually purchase anything. This was acceptable in our teens, when you would call your boys to follow you to West End for three reasons:
- Chirps (chat up) girls
- Have backup in case beef pops off
- Something to do because they have nothing better to do
Times have changed though, I’m too grown to be advancing in tens like the Chelsea football team. So the next time one of my boys asks me to follow him to Westfields, I am sending him a link to ASOS and tell him to seckle.
4) Empty conversations
Caller: What’s good?
Receiver: Nothing man, you?
C: Not much, just here.
R: Cool, what’s good?
C: Same old, what’s Matt saying?
R: Not sure bruv.
C: Okay, hold on let me conference call him
There is nothing wrong with quick conversations to find out how people are doing. But talking just for the sake of it is no longer on the agenda. I remember the days of free T-Mobile calls when we would spend hours on the phone talking about everything under the sun. But now even though people still have free calls to all networks, no one has time to be engaging in volleys of huh? and hmms. You know someone wants to leave a conversation when they say, “let me call you back I got someone else on the other line”. LIAR! …and they never called back. Think I need my BB again.
3) Fifa / Pro Evo Tournaments
Football game tournaments were great when we were teens, but nowadays they represent idle time badly spent, especially if there is no money involved. Come to think of it, it is a good way for people to catch up and banter, but there are so many other productive ways to spend idle or catch up time with the lads. Go-Karting, Paintballing or Golf are reasonable options, or better yet a two to three hour stint on strip clubs Cashflow 101. Trying to relive the dream of being a footballer and winning a tournament in a simulation mode, where there is no money involved? Drop me out!
2) Driving around for no reason
We have all done it. You just got your new car / licence and you feel as though the world is your Oyster – no pun intended (Inside joke for Londoners…argh you have ruined it now that I have had to explain it)- Anyways with the cost of fuel ascending quicker than Newcastle’s league position, the desire of driving for no reason is doing the opposite. I remember the days when we use to scour the high street on the prowl for God knows what, but now it costs about half a tank just to start the bloody engine. Car trips to no valid destination? Drop it out.
1) Calling back one dings
There is nothing more disrespectful than someone who one dings you when you both have pay monthly contracts.
Caller: Yo, are you on T Mobile?
Receiver: Nah, I’m on Vodafone
*beep, beep, beep* Call disconnected.
Its 2012, even Lycra Mobile are offering free calls to all networks, so I refuse to call back anyone who wishes to save their minutes for booty calls. The fact that any of your friends took a contract that doesn’t include free calls to any other network – knowing that you are not on the same network- shows how much they value or plan to call your ass. The biggest disrespect is if it’s your girl that chooses to one ding you. If my girl ever one dang me, best believe we are auditing her phonebook, phone bill and her life. If you are the one asking “Do you want me to call you back” and she replies “yes” then you need to take your Missus to one of those connected brothers in Walthamstow market and get yourself one of those free Lebrara sim cards.
Those are my top 5 things that I have dropped out this year as that 30 looms in the wings. I would like to know, what part of our reader’s lifestyle they have had to drop out due to age or circumstance Whether you miss it or not, because to be honest I miss FIFA tournaments.