Hi Guys. 

Following a successful opening season which accumulated over 350,000 views, 6 LA Web Series Festival 2013 Awards, major coverage in The Guardian, The Voice, The Grio (NBC News) and G4 (NBC Universal) ; ‘Brothers With No Game – The Web Series’ is currently casting for Season 2 and now is your opportunity for YOU to be a part of it.

Synopsis

Set in London, Brothers With No Game follows the social and romantic lives of four friends with very different personalities: Theo, Dorian, Junior and Marcus. Facing a ‘quarter-life crisis’, the 20-somethings come to terms with the responsibilities and dilemmas of work, family, friendships and, of course, women. Follow these four very different friends as they experience hilariously catastrophic love lives narrated through the callous laddish banter of male friendship, sharing only one single common trait – these brothers STILL have no game.

Who are we casting for?

We are holding auditions for:

·       4 Male Supporting Roles

·       4 Female Supporting Roles

We are currently casting for talented, charismatic and gorgeous actors/actresses between the ages of 20-30 for speaking roles in the series.

When are the auditions?

The auditions take place on Sunday 28^th April.

Please do not apply if you are unavailable to audition on this date.

What is the shooting schedule?

Principal Photography for the series will begin in May, and continue through the summer and autumn etc. until the first season is done. The roles we are currently casting for will feature in one or two episodes in Summer/Autumn.

What is the Application Process?

If you would like to audition for a role please email thebwng@gmail.com stating:

·       Your full name

·       Acting age

·       Telephone number

·       Email address

Attach:

·       A headshot

·       CV/Showreel if possible

Please note that this is not an open casting. If you are shortlisted, you will receive an email with character breakdowns, location details, time slot and audition sides.

We wish you the best of luck with your application!

Many thanks,

The Production Team

Brother With No Game

Hey guys. It’s been a little while since the Don dropped a post on here, apologies!

I felt it was only right that the thoughts I have been having lately, were put on paper / screen (same ish) so I could share it with you;  and give a little something back to the original blog fans who have been rocking with us since the broke days. Its Monday so I’ll avoid the deep stuff and try and keep it light, so in typical Don fashion I thought I will share with you a little rant I was having last week. As you can probably see from the title this was inspired by bronchitis sufferer Sweet Brown (who now seems to have plenty of time for that) which in turn got me into a ‘J from Awkward Black Girl’ type bedroom freestyle conveniently named ‘Aint nobody got time for that’.

Believe it or not my freestyle was dope but I didn’t want to share the audio with you because the way my soundcloud account is set up…

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people have way too much time on their hands. There can be no other excuse for some of the sh*t I have been seeing lately.

Aint Nobody Got Time For Keek

Have you not got enough means of telling the world stuff they don’t really want to hear about already? I for the life of me cannot work out how Keek is unique in any way considering a person who had too much time on their hands in the first place, could have just done this on Twitter.

Ladies, dudes only clicked on your vid because they believed there was a slight chance you might twerk or some cleavage might be on show in your video. In fact I bet they listen to your keeks on mute, get bored and then end up on World Star.

Dudes over 15, nobody cares about what you have to say for 30 secs that you can’t fit in to a 140-character tweet or they couldn’t see in 1 sec via an instagram pic. Aint nobody got time for that. Between Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and real life with 3d friends, I don’t know how you do either.

Aint Nobody Got Time For Forced/Directionless Conversations

Technology has completely changed the world in particularly when it comes to communication. Once upon a time if you wanted to holla you would write a letter (I know its a long time ago but there is a point to this). You had to write it, put it in an envelope get a stamp and the walk to a post box. Do you know why they did this? “Because phones and the Internet were not invented yet?”… No. It was to discourage people from chatting unnecessary rubbish. Times have changed though and now you can instantly get in touch with whoever you want whenever you want: damn you might even get a GPS generated map of their whereabouts letting you know where they are. There are many advantages to this however conversations like this though are the downside.

“Yo G, you cool?”
“Yh I’m good man, how are you?”
“Im good man, Yourself?”
“Yh, cant complain, life is good”
“Cool”
“So what you been up to lately?”
…….3 hour pause…..
“nothing much you know”
“What about you?”

Didn’t I speak to you last week bro, what is this conversation in aid of? Is it by force that you talk to someone or are you out somewhere sitting on a bus/waiting room/ trying not to make eye contact with a girl or just trying to look busy.

If you wouldn’t put it in a letter spare me the messages Aint nobody got time for that

Aint Nobody Got Time for Silly Facebook Game Invites

Nobody wants to play ruby challenge with you homie, come on are you serious? I’m way too old to sit in front of my computer and play Mafia Wars because you are 300 coins or whatever it is away from triple OG status.

Ruby challenge, Pixie dust rangers, Bubble Island, Criminal Case FarmVille and other pointless invites are a violation of the man code and makes me take you less seriously with every invite that enters my inbox.

Why are you inviting me to play the same games my 12-year-old nieces and nephews play because nobody ain’t trying to buy them a Playstation or XBox?. Go buy a Sega Megadrive or something,

Aint Nobdoy Got Time For Triangle Spotters

Listen, triangle spotting is the new train spotting on steroids. Everybody has a friend who right now blames the Illuminati for EVERYTHING and sees symbols everywhere. Did you know that a triangle is no longer an acceptable shape for anything and it’s simple existence is causing uproar? Considering I myself am a person who believes many “conspiracies” are actually really logical and credible arguments which the public should look into (only if you actually care of course) I can assure you that the following picture despite various Youtube videos to the contrary has no subliminal meaning.

If you want to find out about something go find a book, follow the method of research you was taught in education. Sitting watching BET counting how many triangles you saw in a day whilst still dancing to the tune is pointless and asking me to join in with you is an offer I’ll pass on right now. Aint nobody got time for that.

Honourable Mentions: UK Gangster Music, People who bring up problems but suggest no solutions, People who preach to you during rush hour on public transport, P Diddy adlibs, 2 Chainz and Jodeci in 2013

Aint nobody got time for that.

Don Kwelu

Ladies and Gents I want to know what YOU haven’t got time for. Leave a comment or two!

I read an interesting quote from a well known success coach by the name of Brian Tracy.

“if you study successful people and do what they do, you will be a success; and if you study unsuccessful people and avoid doing what they do, you will not be a failure” – Bryan Tracy

The statement reiterated the ethos of BWNG; to provide an alternative viewpoint where readers can laugh and subsequently learn from our failures. We all strive for successful relationships and careers, but the problem is that success is subjective and therefore hard to know what constitutes success for our entire readership; whereas we can all agree that a failed relationship and career is not hard to spot.

The key indication of a failed relationship or career is the negative impact it has on the self esteem of the person / people involved. As we grow older we will begin to spend most of our lives at work and with our partners; so you can see why it is a priority that we are working in finding the right career and partner.

Here is where we have failed in the past in search of a good career and partner.

Managing your expectations

The first parallel between a job and partner search is that we all expect more than what we are entitled to. You know you have been there; you go onto a job search website and go straight into the filters and before you can even insert the field and level of experience, you go straight into the salary band. More often than not we all start with the band that is £10,000 above our level of competence and expertise.

After running into a brick wall, we then begin to compromise and end up applying for jobs where we know we are more likely to succeed, usually below our level of competence. This is the same when people are in search of a partner, you seek Beyonce and Will Smith, but are you Jay-Z and Jada Pickett? The issue here is that we are heavily influenced by external factors when it comes to making career and relationship choices. Your homeboy is earning £40,000, so now you feel discontent towards your £30,000 salary; or your homegirl is dating a tall brother and now you’re 5’9 (average male height in the UK) boyfriend is looking like an umpa lumpa.

In 2011 I wrote a post where I made the statement: “… the problem is that people are punching below their weight more than above it” ; but what I have found is the reason why we end up aiming low is the outcome of unsuccessfully punching above their weight and having to compensate for the low self esteem by just being with someone, or having a job for the sake of it; even though you know that this job / person is not right for you.

The best way to overcome this is to look at yourself and be honest with what type of career you want and look for qualities within a job spec that will provide the opportunity to excel in that field. Likewise with a partner, if you want a successful relationship make sure that you set a list of fundamental qualities that your partner needs to have in order to achieve a successful relationship.

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ” – Bill Cosby

Commitment

Commitment is heavily dependent on your long term goals. If you are looking for a long term successful relationship, you have to commit to sustainability rather than short termism. A friend of mine was recently headhunted for a job at Comet; and was a few weeks away from negotiating a pay package and thus handed in his notice at his current employer. Two weeks before the scheduled meeting Comet went into administration with over 4,000 people made redundant.

The reason for his discontent, was that he was not seeing any change with his current employer. But rather than challenging management on this point, he discussed his discontent with people who were in similar situations within the company and the general consensus was one that could have led to being unemployed. After a reflection and discussion with management he has now realised how great his job is and is now more committed to the job and thus a lot happier at work.

“All that glitters is not gold” & “The grass isn’t greener…” - Old sayings

There is nothing wrong with having different goals and priorities from your peers / colleagues. But whichever choice you pick, you need to commit to it by giving your all, until the other party leaves you with no choice. Most of us are quick to run away from the problems rather than dealing with them head on.

“Very often the change of self is needed more than a change of scene” – Brian Tracy.

Avoid complacency to become indispensable

‘Excellence is a journey, not a destination. You never get there, complacency and satisfaction are the key enemies of excellence” – Brian Tracy

I have noticed that most people struggle to tell you what they do at work, or why they are in a relationship. This comes down to the fact that there is no commitment as such, they are merely in it for the short term perks and avoiding the label of being “unemployed” or “single”. If your goal is merely to be employed or be in a relationship it is very easy to become complacent once that goal has been achieved.

“Complacency is the biggest snitch” – Brannue Life

Complacency is when you start to show up to work / dates late, or showing lack of commitment and enthusiasm to develop into a better employee / partner. How are you going to be indispensable if you don’t know what the objectives of the job / company or partner / relationship are? British employees need to be worried when the British Prime Minister was recently seen in India trying to get Indian students to come to the UK to study and work, likewise you need to watch for the Heskey and Heskettes campaigning for your position.

Be careful where you get career and relationship advice

I never understand why people – women in particular- get relationship advice from their single friends. Likewise they say avoid career conversation with people who are not content with their jobs. It is easy to believe that you are entitled to a pay rise, promotion etc just from being in a company for a certain length of time. The same way certain women start to question why “he hasn’t put the ring on it?” or “when are you guys looking to have children?”.

The best advice once again is to look at internal reasons to why this is the case. Maybe you have not been performing at the level required, or you know

your partner is not ready in certain departments to make such commitments. Not all advice comes from a good place. If you are a young graduate in an organisation, it’s best you get your advice from people whose positions are stable within the organisation, and therefore are less likely to have an ulterior motives. Avoid those with nothing positive to say about the company, because they are less likely to give you constructive advice.

If you seek to have a sustainable relationship, get advice from people who are in such a relationship, it is just common sense.

There you have it, keeping a job and keeping a partner is hard work and I am sure there are loads more point that readers will raise; of which I will be interested to read in the comments below. But its all really goes back to knowing what you want and then doing whatever it takes to getting and keeping it, without compromising your integrity.

The Yak

So Ladies and Gentleman do you agree with The Yak’s points? What other parallels can you draw between keeping a job and partner? Speak on it!

PS: We have 7 days left our indiegogo campaign to help fund Season 2 of Brothers With No Game. Every donation will bring us one step closer to making it complete. CLICK HERE

Thank you for all your support in season one, we honestly would not have been able to achieve the success of season one without all of our funders, cast members, the production team and viewers.

WHAT’S NEXT?

SEASON 2 of course!

It has been an interesting experience reading all the comments from our viewers on platforms such as YouTube, Twitter and Facebook. To show our appreciation for our viewer’s engagement we are going to give viewers turned funders the opportunity to receive copies of season one on DVD, influence the script and play a cameo in season two.

With a growing fanbase in the US; along with the Vanessa, Junior and Remy love triangle it is now our ambition to spread our wings across the atlantic ocean to film parts of season two in NEW YORK. This will be an opportunity for our US fans to also benefit from the perks currently only available to our UK viewers.

We are now raising funds to make Season 2 Bigger and Better, and we need your help!

How your donations could help:

£5,000 – Season two in the UK only

£7,500 – Season two in UK + one episode in NY

£10,000 – Season two in UK, NY and special guest cameos [To be revealed at each milestone]

£10,000? Aren’t we in a recession?!

I know we are all going through tough times, but there are ways you can still help with a meagre budget:

• You can donate as little as £1 (or the currency equivalent in your country)
• Post the campaign to your social media pages; ie Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram etc.
• Tell your friends, family and community who may be able to donate to our campaign

Thank you for taking time to look at out Indiegogo page and an even bigger thank you for those of you who have chosen to support us with a donation.

CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK TO DONATE AND then CLICK ON ‘CONTRIBUTE NOW’

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/brothers-with-no-game-the-web-series-season-2/

Help us get there.

BWNG – Indiegogo Campaign from BrothersWithNoGame on Vimeo.

As always New Year Eve seems to be an anti-climax for many of us, particularly since the planning tends to start months in advance and never quite manifests in reality. The situation is usually made worse as you
look through your twitter Timeline and see that other people are living it up in Lewisham Dubai, while you watch back to back programmes on the Best and Worst of 2012.

But rest assured that anti-climactic events are not only reserved for the 1st January, in fact it is a recurring theme since the beginning of time. So I bring you a list of events and people who undermined greatness either with intent, mistake, stupidity, complacency or simply being caught out as a cheat.

6. The midget in Chapter 9 undermining R Kelly’s Trapped In The Closet series

There comes a time in one’s life when a brother has to call it quit while he’s ahead; this surely should have been time. Some argue that Kels should’ve stopped at 1, others a few more episodes in, but there can be no doubt that he went overboard with the introduction of the ‘midget’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are plenty accounts of infidelity of this nature but in the context of this particular story? Negro please.

I’d like to think the thought process behind this chapter was more than “Hmm what rhymes with Bridget and Kitchen?” but I can’t see past it. Best part of the video/track nonetheless is the repetition of midget juxtaposed with the seriousness of the tone. Not even Tyler Perry could emulate this.

5. Nani selfishly sabotaging Ronaldo’s moment of greatness

From Cockblockin’ 101

“This is what we call the attempted interception:

When another dude wants to capitalise on your hard work and muscle in to get the tap in which is in total violation of the Man Code” – Don Kwelu

At a time when Spain were untouchable, Ronaldo had one moment of greatness where he could turn them into mere mortals but in comes Michael Jackson’s pre-Bad album tribute act to get involved.

4. Michael Johnson’s suspicious hamstring vs Donavan Bailey

When you’re young you support the winners, Michael Johnson had 2 gold medals and owned a pair of gold shoes so naturally I was rooting for him for this champion versus champion race to see who was the fastest runner in the world. This was all until 1:11….the lies! the deceit! A brother conveniently pulls a hammy when he’s getting his ass whooped. Get outta here! Dignity in sport was never restored again until the emergence of a Jamaican Bobsleigh Team

3. Nas’ Ether verse undermining Jay-Z’s epic Renegade verse

December 4, 2001 will forever go down as one of the greatest moments in Hip-Hop history. After an attempt to assassinate Nas‘ rap career with the Takeover diss record earlier in the year, Jay-Z was looking to celebrate his 31st Birthday as the King of New York. Little did he know that Nas had other plans, with releasing Ether to the world. Rumour has it that Jay-Z’s label mates tried to keep the radio on mute for the entire day. Ether did exactly what Nas had intended “BURN”. One of the most quoted lyrics from the diss record still remains the “Eminem murdered you on your own S**t” line.

Although many of us felt that was the case, it wasn’t until Nas made it public on Ether that we all agreed in unison. Eleven years on and I decided to listen to Renegade and come to realise that lyrically it was a masterpiece, that may never receive the level of appreciation it is due for the simple fact that it was one of the most outstanding digs from Ether.

 

EXTRACTS FROM VERSE ONE:

Motherfu***rs - say that I’m foolish I only talk about jewels (bling bling)
Do you fools listen to music or do you just skim through it?
See I’m influenced by the ghetto you ruined
That same dude you gave nothin, I made somethin doin
what I do through and through and
I give you the news – with a twist it’s just his ghetto point-of-view
The renegade; you been afraid
I penetrate pop culture, bring ‘em a lot closer to the block where they
pop toasters, and they live with they moms
Got dropped roasters, from botched robberies nig**z crotched over
Mommy’s knocked up cause she wasn’t watched over
Knocked down by some clown when child support knocked
No he’s not around – now how that sound to ya, jot it down
I bring it through the ghetto without ridin ’round
hidin down duckin strays from frustrated youths stuck in they ways

EXTRACTS FROM VERSE TWO:

I had to hustle, my back to the wall, ashy knuckles
Pockets filled with a lot of lint, not a cent
Gotta vent, lot of innocent of lives lost on the project bench
Whatchu hollerin? Gotta pay rent, bring dollars in
By the bodega, iron under my coat, feelin braver
Doo-rag wrappin my waves up, pockets full of hope
Do not step to me – I’m awkward, I box leftier often
My pops left me an orphan, my momma wasn’t home
Could not stress to me I wasn’t grown; ‘specially on nights
I brought somethin home to quiet the stomach rumblings
My demeanor – thirty years my senior
My childhood didn’t mean much, only raisin green up

These epic lyrics will forever be undermined by a set of seven words from Ether. *BBM Cover face*

2. Maradona handball vs England undermined his earlier goal [well at least in England]

Arguably the greatest World Cup goal ever scored would forever be tainted by the handball that followed. For many people outside the English shores the handball still remains irrelevant, for the fair play English we will forever remember Diego Maradona as a cheat. *Reads John Terry’s Biography*

1. Rocky 5 shegged [failed] Rocky 4′ s legacy

What do you do when you have just released the highest grossing sports film of all time and arguably the best addition to the Rocky series? Thats it you follow it up with a shambolic 5th addition with a storyline that would make the writer of Nollywood classic “Beyonce: The Presidents daughter” weep in shame.

There you have it. 6 Tragic Moments in History Which Undermined Greatness. Ladies and Gents what moments can you think of that underminded greatness, doesn’t matter how big or small, let them be known.

The Yak

*Our first event of 2013 YOU’VE GOT GAME is back on February 7th! Comedy, Games, Entertainment and Networking all under one roof. It was sellout event last time so make sure you get your tickets in advance. CLICK HERE (after you leave a comment)* 

Growing up I would get into clashes with my mum for being the messy one who never tidied his room, so when I first moved out I made it my duty to prove my mum wrong. Well that never materialised, because I am just one of those people who function best in a chaotic environment. I mean I use to get agitated when I would come home and find that all my socks and boxers have been placed in the same drawer. I am not used to that type of organisation. It messes up my male Sat Nav of knowing where every thing is.

See being messy has its perks, for example if a brother like me was dating one of these Detective women who love to find evidence of infidelity, I would never be caught because there is a step by step “when did I have it last?” methodology in finding anything in my room. She would need to be dedicated and invest a lot of time and effort to catch me slipping.

So as a lot of guys would agree, keeping ones room clean has always been the least of our worries. This is usually the case until we have a female visitor potentially staying over. This is where brothers turn into Mr Muscle and start loving the job they previously hated. Bathrooms, kitchen, grass and even the tree hedges gets a little shape up just to make sure that everything is on point for the young lady. But during this process the most revealing moment of all starts when we start to spring clean our bedrooms and start to get a real reflection of who we are and what exactly we have been through.

So I therefore bring you 5 things Men are likely to find in their room when spring cleaning.

5. Condoms

These are a given, but the state of the “jimmy” is usually a perfect indication of ones sexual activity or inactivity for that matter. There are three types:

a) Just the wrapper: This is obviously one that has been used in between the last spring cleaning and is usually found under the bed because once a dude is horny it is a straight rip and dash. This is usually greeted with a state of shock and trying to remember who and when was this used (if you obviously got it like that) or if you are a brother with no game like me, you know exactly who, when, what and how.

b) The past the sales by date “jimmy”: This is usually an indication that it has been a long time since you have got any, or maybe you’re  on this YOLO tip (no protection). Hopefully the former, because STIs are real ya’ll.

c) An actual used “jimmy”. This is just foul and you need to reevaluate your life and hygiene before bringing anyone within a two metres radius of your room.

4. Other People’s Things

Yup, you know what I am talking about. That DVD, Nas CD or PS3 controller that nearly led to a fist fight between two of your boys, was in your room all along and now you are wondering how you can strategically get it back to its rightful owner without being found out.

The last time I cleaned my room, I found things like football kits, Nokia 3210, Blackberry headsets and countless chargers for devices I never owned.

3. Dusty Weights

In every man’s life there is that period where he decided that enough was enough and it was about time he worked on his physique and fitness because a good healthy man is a prosperous one. LIES! Dude who are we kidding, 90% of the motivation is the chicks.

You woke up one morning and realised that the V Neck jumpers were in fashion and your physique was inadequate to say the least. So you decided to hit up Argos and buy some barbells. The reality is, that was the last time they were ever lifted. The motivation went when you managed to pick up a babe on the way to the gym.

2. Something belonging to your ex

I have this theory that women purposely leave things at their man’s house as a way of marking their territory. I honestly believe that you do it under the assumption that any woman that he chooses to bring into his life after you will be deterred by finding some random *ish around his room. Headscarf, Sure for women or a bra just miraculously hanging from his wardrobe, its all tactically left behind.

The funny thing is that due to lack of attention we give to our own rooms these things end up staying there for weeks and months, until you bring home a new women and her Venus senses start to track down these hidden time bombs.

1. Empty Trainer Boxes

Dudes would only have 2 pairs of trainers, but they will keep a hundred boxes of trainers which they purchased decades ago. This was attractive growing up because where I come from you were judged by your footwear. If you wore Nike you got all the pretty girls, if you wore New Balance or Umbros, you got the left over chicks.

People underestimated the power of “crepe” (Trainers) growing up. I honestly believe that your number of sexual partners as a teen is depended on the pairs of Nikes you had. I mean think about it you take a young lady back to your mama’s house and into your room and you are getting comfortable yet she is not sure if she is ready to give up the goods, then she looks around the room seeing boxes of Nike Air Max 90s telling her “Just Do It”. That is why I stopped buying Reeboks with their tagline: “I am What I am”, chicks be acting up with all that “respect me for what I am”. DaMN you Mr Reebok. Anyway I digress, back to the point: Yes, empty trainers boxes. Dudes let it go! unless you are going to use them for storage.

There you have it, 5 things that men find in their bedroom when spring cleaning. I would like to hear of any other surprising things brothers and ladies have bumped into in their rooms.

Anyhow Peace and have a good week ahead, I need to finish cleaning this room. Ya dig!

The Yak.

Outside of the usual suspects (family, friends, the other half) men usually have up to three people who shape their presence and performance in the outside world.

1. The Boss – The gatekeeper of a brother’s finance
2. The Teacher/Mentor/Preacher – The stimulator of a brother’s academia and/or mental/spiritual growth
3. The Barber – The restorer of a brother’s bravado

The barber and customer relationship is integral and sacred; there are legitimate reasons why men sought the services of their specific barber, bypassing that other barber with the free chair and absolutely no customers. Through minutes of work with a set of clippers, he is responsible for our transformation from average Joe to THAT GUY, having us look in the mirror afterwards like the closing footage of a Gillette advert.

Salute.

However much like family, friends, the other half etc the impact a barber has on a man when he does something wrong is detrimental. That trust we have for him that was built through years of solid craftsmanship on fades, high tops, one-levels and Mohicans goes to dust when the barber does the unthinkable…

Pushes back the hairline.

Instant Rage. We ask ourselves, what led this carpenter of thy shape-ups to perform such a treacherous act? Was he off his game? Too busy having conversations with others in the room to concentrate with the task at hand? These questions deserve an answer but what if you get the answer you wasn’t expecting? Although we’d like to believe he messed up, what if he responds saying “It’s that time”.

There comes a time in a man’s life (50% of men maybe? Don’t quote me) when his hair won’t be as sharp as it was, won’t be as thick and slick as it was, won’t have that trusted 3-5cm distance between the eyebrows and hairline that he was used to. Yes my friends, The Hairline Chronicles has arrived….and there’s nothing we can do about it for cheap.

The question is, are we willing to accept this? There are 3 stages some men go through before they accept (or have no choice but to) the loss of their hair/hairline.

Stage 1: Fear and Disbelief

This comes the moment a man first sees the signs of challenged hair. The worst thing about the thinning of hair or receding hairline is that other than a possible history of occurences in your family, you never see it coming. Fear and Disbelief ensues.

Scenarios like:

One day you’re walking past the mirror, take a usual glance, then you’re forced to take a second glance, something’s different, one part of your hair is darker than the other. Your eyes widen and have come to the realisation that “It’s that time”.

Or one day when your hairline is pushed a cm back and it’s not growing forward again for nothing or nobody, it has made it’s decision to retreat and find rest in the upper echelons of your forehead.

From then on you check the mirror almost every day to see if any progress or regress has been made, mirrors become your friend and your enemy. Friends and the other half tell you they don’t notice it, but you do! Stage 1.

Stage 2: Adaptation and Creativity

This stage is usually for guys who still have time left. We still feel our hair is salvageable and hairline attainable so we now attempt to adapt to our hair’s predicament and create new hairstyles. If our hair is thinning at the top and we’ve lived our lives in the one-level realm, it’s time to adapt to the level-2 or more fade (or a mohican). Leaving something at the top and less at the sides, eludes to strengthened hair.

Ala Raul Meireles.

Brothers usually revert to a one-level if the hairline declines, nothing fancy, keep it respectable and manageable for as long as physically possible.

Stage 2.

Stage 3: Headgear and Winter Prayer

By this point the hairline has made vast attempts to disappear and the thinning of the hair is moving rapidly. A man has conceded defeat BUT either the illusion is still being created or it hasn’t been rectified, by the presence of headgear.

You start seeing a brother mass-experimenting with headgear like never before. E.g berets, flat caps, top hats, snapbacks etc he’s preserving the hairline. There should be no other reason to wear a fitted with a suit, unless you’re Russell Simmons or from Shoreditch.

Winter is a god-send as there’s reason to wear woolly hats with every and any thing. This 9 times out of 10 is usually the stage before acceptance unless a brother REALLY wants to hold on by still having shape-ups when the distance between the eyebrows and hairline is in excess of 10cm. That stage is entitled Denial and Delusion.

Finally…. you will have acceptance; the acceptance that your hairline is gone or waned. If you’re lucky, you will have had a receding hairline that goes back only ever so slightly but is manageable and still have a full set of hair to work with. Other than that you will either leave it to form the bald and sides, or go bald completely. This is Acceptance.

The Hairline Chronicles, is something men face on a constant basis, it is tough to accept but we’ll get there….eventually.

I’m gone.

JC

Gentleman do you relate? Are you in the middle of the Hairline Chronicles? What stage are you in now? Is Is there a stage I missed out? Holla!

Hi, we’re Brothers With No Game, you may remember us from such posts as Man Code/Law/Commandents/Rules & Grouchy Young Men, and will knight us for future posts including ‘The Hairline Chronicles: The 5 Stages Of Acceptance’ and ‘Taking A Photo Of Yourself In The Mirror With A Mobile Hasn’t Been Cool Since 2006’. Today however we’re concentrating on a subject that REALLY matters Sex, Relationships & Dating.

Last month we attended Kevin Hart’s sold out show at the O2 Arena and one of his warm-up acts, Spank The Comedian ( who was hilarious) had a segment where he spoke on a ‘new app’ on his phone which helps you catch out your girl if she tries to go through your phone.

Male Readers: “Hmmm”

If she tries to activate your password, the app takes secret photos of her for you to see later. Nice. Is this app real? Probably not; but it would make sense for brothers and sisters who like their privacy. This got us thinking about actual apps that would be beneficial for all of us! Ladies and Gentleman, Sex, Relationship and Dating Apps that need to be created

“Guy: ”What’s wrong?”

Girl: ”Nothing”

Guy: ”You don’t sound yourself did I do something”

Girl: “If you don’t know it doesn’t matter”

Guy: ”Ok”

Girl: ”See you don’t even care”

Guy: ”huh?”

Taken From Things Women Say That Wind Men Up

Decoding girl speak is no easy feat sometimes. Put it this way, 99.9% of the time, women mean what they say but 30% of the time they don’t say what they mean (at least from a dude’s standpoint). Us being the Freudian species that we are, are supposed to understand this 30% of linguistics, but we fail miserably. Never fear, the chicktionary is here. This app would be a thesaurus to guide you through the TRUE meaning of words like ‘nothing’, ‘cool’ and ‘I don’t want to talk about it’.

So next time you order food and ask her if she wants something and she says ‘no’ you can.check your chicktionary for multiple meanings and realise that whatever you order, she’s going to eat, regardless.

Also referred to as ‘The Bank’ on Rules of Engagement, the ‘Rainy Day’ app is for the 100% of men who screw up every now and again, and again, and again in relationships. Women remember every time we mess up, they keep it in their heads like a safe deposit, but us men, we remember nothing and when we do have a bone to pick from our women’s mistakes we lash out straight away.

It’s time to get smart. With the rainy day app, you can store moments of every time your girl made a mistake that you didn’t get mad at her about; that way when she gets mad at you for an inevitable mistake, you have her mistakes stored as a counter argument.

The success rate would be 30-70 to be honest, mainly because she’d end up finding out about the app or your counter argument would be lame against hers. E.g She forgot to tape last week’s episode of Homeland Vs You forgot her birthday.

The world needs this app and if I knew anything about this kinda stuff I would make it in a heartbeat. So imagine you went out to a rave and met a lovely lady with her hair did, nails did, make up, eyelashes, the full works; and you were very attracted to her but couldn’t work out if this was how this person looks on a daily basis or whether it’s the alcohol talking.

Simple, Reality Snap her.

A great device which will give you a picture of what she looks like minus all the accessories and see if you are still interested. Ladies never fear this is not a sexist app, it could also be used to show you whether he is really hench or if he’s just wearing a super slim fit top.

Social Media has made the world undeniably smaller, six degrees of separation has definitely been lowered; meaning it is a little easier to find out more about a potential partner. Hey! Lets face it, there has always been at least one person who you have given or thought about giving a background check to. Well look no further than Net Work; simply type in said person’s name and the app will perform as a search engine on their social networks to find out which one of your friends, acquaintances or enemies they have been with in the past.

Rumour has it Kanye West is considering building this app…

Do you suffer from performance anxiety? Are you a victim of premature ejaculation? one minute man? 1 hitter quitter? Well this app allows men to know how many strokes they have left before the big finish so you can pace yourself. Customized alert sounds are available also including “Slow down son” “psst” and awww shiiiiiiit (recording courtesy of Clay Davis).

We’ve all READ or SEEN Recession Dating (no? then read and/or watch it now!) we don’t want to be put in that position…ever. So why not download Date Accountant? the app that helps you balance your budget. You simply type in your budget and your location and the app will give you your best value for money within that area.

One day science will make this a possibility

There You Have It!

So Brothers and Sisters, what Sex, Relationship or Dating Apps would you like to see created? Throw some funny, real, creative apps in the comments section!

(Photos via gizmag)

Ah, and before we forget the BWNG Web Series has a double-page spread feature in Black Hair Magazine, make sure you guys pick up a copy this weekend. We hear it’s supplied stateside also, so have a look see!

*Disclaimer* All None of the following is based on personal experience

There is no sadness like a fellow brother telling you a story which basically translates from your side as “shes just not that into you” and the dude telling the story is oblivious to that fact. You’re just sitting there trying to maintain that ‘serious face’ thinking “damn, Heskey has struck again” and “How am I gonna let this brother know its a lost cause?”

I don’t know if it’s because the stereotypical man by definition is supposed to exude confidence and “keep their chin up”, that sometimes we just don’t see the obvious and know when to call it quits. Maybe we just pretend like the clearly obvious isn’t happening, continuously running that Mark Hughes I’m doing well and my job is safe routine when reminding ourselves that she hasn’t returned our call for 3 days. Or maybe its a thing where some people just don’t get it.

Well here at BWNG we know for sure that men understand footy, so lets try and break it down from another angle shall we? These are the 4 signs that you are not rated…

Sign #1 - When you don’t get played in your preferred position AKA Friend-Zoned

We have been trying to teach brothers how to avoid the offside trap and stay out of the friend zone since the beginning of Brothers With No Game. Somehow though, the outbreak is still not under control with at least half of our friends (maybe even you, “who me?” yes you) stuck in the friend zone right now as we speak. If you are not getting played in your favourite positions, weigh up your options and make the right career move because if things go sour you might face a spell in the reserves.

You are young and in your prime, why be on the bench? Who is selling you these lies that you will one day play up front for Arsenal like Theo Walcott? both you and Theo must wake up and realise that some next dude who isn’t neccesarily as talented as you, is taking your position and waiting for your chance could be risky. You don’t want to be moping around waiting for her to actually realise you are serious, and if you are that guy buzzing around her who has already been rejected 12 times, come on bro!

“Spot Taken”

You want to be the lead man in her life, like Denzel, meanwhile you are getting taken for Winston from Eastenders hoping that one day a storyline will revolve around you and you will somehow steal the limelight and get casted in the lead role. This is not good my friend, if you are rated you will be appreciated, she will WANT to talk to you, spend time with you, not in all cases but at least she’ll seem keen dammit. Any lyrics like “I really appreciate you as a friend” should be taken as warning signs. Don’t be like Heskey, content to take one for the the team and play anyway you are put, you will never be the star player.

If you’re not getting played in your preferred position you are  not rated highly enough.

Sign #2 – When you are relegated to a substitute role and only see playing time in the 90th minute

If you called her phone yesterday and one of the following has happened, then you’re a decent squad player at best.

1. You receive a text back from her the same evening apologizing for missing your call, which ends with her declaring her bed time and that she will speak to you “some other time” or any other sentence which basically translates to “don’t call me, I’ll call you”

2. She texts you the next day with a similar response to above

3. She texts you back a week later

(notice no response included a call back).

You have got a response so clearly you’re cool but the response wasn’t what you were looking for and now morale is low. If this happens take it easy, be her friend if you get along and take the loss, but if you have already had this and THEN call for crisis talks you are going to receive the par of your life. Accept your position and just think to yourself “what would Chamakh do?” If he just came out and demanded 1st team football what would happen?….. because this is your fate if you’re not careful son

“YNWA”…..”Yes, yes you will”

Sign #3 – Transfer Speculation

If she tells you that she thinks you and her friend would suit, quit while you’re behind, especially if the suggested friend isn’t a patch on her (no offence intended her friend is probably a lovely lady). This is an obvious indication that you are not rated. Think about it, if you had something you really liked right in front of you would you be sitting down thinking who you could give it away too?

No.

You’re trying to be her star player, her Lionel Messi, and she’s trying to tell you that you would fit in well at Osasuna and she can arrange a smooth transfer if you’d like. Sometimes women give you this as a little heads up, like “I can see you’re looking for a girl, let me hook you up as you sure aint getting none of this”. If you are a victim of constant transfer speculation, She’s not into you bro.

Sign #4 – You haven’t settled (Calls you by your first name)

Women are sentimental, when they like you, they will usually change up your name and call you by a nickname (not all the time…but most times). If she refers to you by your full name 6 months down the line, boy you are not rated enough. Santi Cazorla is just Santi or Santi Claus after just a couple months, highly rated. Van Persie is RVP (traitor), there’s Stevie G.  If you come up on her phone as Joe Bloggs with the standardised ringtone or she hasn’t shortened, lengthened or feminized your name, things look bleak for you son.

Hope this helps a bit, seriously, as it hurts to see my fellow brothers out there going out like this. Persistence is the key to life with most things of course, but in 2012 with the opposite sex that can sometimes be a prelude to a court case yo. Be cool, keep it real with your self and don’t take it personally, refrain from asking your boys those “Do you think she…” questions; if you haven’t kept it real with yourself first.

Peace out.

Don Kwelu

Oh yeah and catch up with the latest episodes of Brothers With No Game The Web Series on our Youtube channel. 

Happy Friday BWNG Family, I know I know long time no read/no write; we won’t do this again, we’re back. Before I get into my usual spiel you guys have to do one or two (or five) things for me.…make sure…I don’t want anybody scrolling down unless they have completed the full set of tasks.

1. FOLLOW Brothers With No Game on Twitter – @TheBWNG
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5. Watch  Episode 4 of the Brothers With No Game Web Series ‘Recession Dating’

Done? Excellent *Mr Burns Voice”. Now back to the matter at hand.

So I’m watching the animated movie UP with my lady friend as part of Cupcake Tuesdays (Kevin Hart fans will understand) and the opening scene was a timeline/montage of the main character’s relationship through time, from the point of marriage to his wife’s untimely death. At the end of the scene my lady friend starts sniffling and reaches for the tissue to wipe her eyes; now I can’t remember what I said exactly at that point but I think it was along the lines of “man up”, which may I add is now a new addition to the list of ‘Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Woman Without Expecting A Smack’.

Man Up!

She then labels me unemotional and goes on a tangent about how I’m closed as a person and that’s why I’m wearing black, blah blah blah, you know, really putting that Psychology degree to good use. Fras-her made a good point though, I am unemotional to an extent; I haven’t shed a tear in 15 years and when people cry around me I go quiet and gulp like I just swallowed peanut butter. I’m just different.

So naturally I’m unlikely to shed a tear any time soon, especially not during a movie. I can’t speak for all men but many of us don’t have that level of emotional attachment to fiction unless it’s from a relatable standpoint. This doesn’t mean we don’t recognise or feel the emotion evoked, we’re just less likely to reach for the Kleenex. HOWEVER, despite my lack of tears in my teen to adult life, there are scenes from Movies/TV that have got me teary-eyed….just a little. Shall we see?…ok!

1. Fresh Prince – Will’s Dad Abandons him again

I don’t think anything is more impactful on TV than when a funny show gets real. Will Smith blew a brother away in this scene, it really made me sit back and evaluate how a father could have such a low level of attachment to his son, especially when given a chance to rectify it. This really hit him and got a brother teary-eyed indeed.

2. A Time To Kill – The Closing Argument

Very underrated movie, from the disturbing rape scene onwards, A Time To Kill definitely evokes a range of emotions that I thought I didn’t have and is brought to a brilliant climax when this closing argument is delivered. You just have to imagine it being your daughter…

3. The Pursuit Of Happiness – Chris Gardner gets the job

Maaan, the feeling of persevering through struggle and working your arse off to be rewarded tenfold is in the top 5 feelings in the world along with delivering a good deed, sex, restroom duties after holding out for hours and punching an annoying kid in the throat…no? just me? ok. What stood out for me in this film and scene in particular was that it’s based on a true story; made me proud and teary-eyed….just a little.

4. The Transformers Movie (Animated) – Death Of Optimus Prime

Hey! I was like 7 years old, don’t judge me. I was a huge fan of the Transformers as a boy (before they ruined it with those whack movie attemts) so when Optimus Prime took his life and passed on his leadership, it got a little emotional. Imagine seeing your hero die, aged 7, you’d be teary-eyed too.

5. Eric Roberson – Still

Ok so this isn’t a scene so to speak as much as it’s a whole music video. In any other case it would take something out of this world to make me emotional from a music video but Erro played a trick on me. Prior to watching the video I had it in my mind from listening to the song that he missed his girl because they broke up; I mean it was still deep but my heart wasn’t heavy or anything. So when I watched the video and saw what really happened, I was taken back…..just a little.

Yuuuup, so those are 5 Scenes that got me a little teary-eyed. Ladies and Gents I want to see what movies, songs, music videos and TV shows have got you in tears, teary-eyed or at least emotional. Let me know…Let me knoooow!

I’m gone like Usher’s ability to make a good album post-2005.

JC