Fighting The Process Of Elimination
Part of the ‘perks’ of having close friends is conversing about and observing the triumphs and pitfalls of their courting of women. Between my boys I have seen it all (pause); from the silent handshake of approval between two friends after a victorious wingman tactic, to the E Honda slap and Cranberry Juice stained shirt a friend received for taking it a step too far with a woman who wasn’t interested. 
Most have been memorable for one reason or another but this past pitfall, subject of a friend had me scratching my head, well it wasn’t so much the friend, more the woman and her reason for rejection.
Let’s rewind back to Feb 18th 2012…
Our friend had thrown a house party for her bday; the vibe was good, drinks were flowing, the food was on point and the women?…lets just say either the Grey Goose had kicked in really early or every woman in there was on par with Nia Long…ok it was the Grey Goose. Anyway as I was talking to a Nia Long and about to drop my “I write a blog” line, my friend elbowed me. He had spotted a girl from across the
Would you approach a woman staring at you like that?
room who was staring at him intensely like half-price louboutins and wanted me to be a second witness to this so he didn’t think he was going mad; indeed she was fixated on him and I suggested he goes to speak to her. He refused as her stare was too intense and so wasn’t sure if she was attracted to him or was the vengeful sister of one of his ex ‘acquaintances’.
Fast forward a couple of hours, the drinks were running out fast, all that was left was apple sours, nearly finished Malibu and one untouched bottle of red wine….there is always one untouched bottle of red wine. At most house parties where you’re asked to bring a bottle you will always have that one person who brings a bottle of red wine; this person usually has made no effort to purchase from the shop, no intention of drinking said wine and has picked it up from the wine cabinet/rack located in the kitchen/living room of their house…..that person on this particular day was my friend. So when the host called out to find out who brought this travesty of a party drink with a design on the front that made it look like cooking wine, he 
braved the situation and admitted to it loud and clear with a little joke, everybody laughed, more importantly, the girl who was starting at him from across the room laughed. There was his opening.
For the rest of the night he and the girl spoke, laughed, debated, flirted etc, they had a lot in common (well they were both Nigerian) and eventually exchanged numbers. For the next week and a half they spoke on the phone near enough every day and were taking full advantage of the honeymoon stage. Other than Skype they had yet to see each other since the party as she was working in Glasgow with a client for her company but the chemistry was in no doubt. Finally her work was done and she was back in London; and he offered to cook a meal for the both of them at his house to which she obliged.
Later that evening, he put his Vapianos observation skills to the test and mustered up an array of dishes for her to try, along with the untouched bottle of red wine….he’s resourceful you see. As expected she loved it and was impressed; as they had dessert they both delved into the many things they had in common (Nigeria) and it was at that point when things changed.
Two words “I’m Yoruba”
Never had I known a brother’s stock to plummet so fast in the mind of a woman from such harmless words. Now for those who don’t know, Yoruba is a tribe of people in Nigeria from which many of your Nigerian friends may derive from, they have their own language and culture differences, as do other Nigerian tribes. Another tribe of people in Nigeria is Igbo; 
now Yorubas and Igbos aren’t quite the Crips and Bloods of Africa but their rivalry is obvious which probably derives from previous years of true dislike between the tribes back in Nigeria (anyone who wants to give me a history lesson is welcomed to). My friend was Yoruba, this girl was Igbo and for that reason and THAT reason alone, she wasn’t feeling the boy, she feeling, she feeling the boy him anymore, she was distant after that and at least let him know why.
When he told me this story, I scratched my head; Its weird because I understood the concept of her wanting to maintain culture and continue it through marriage, children, family etc but what was so grand in the cultural side of the argument simultaneously felt small as he wasn’t given a chance due to two words. I mean damn they’re both Nigerian, the differences in tribes aren’t that substantial…are they? It’s tough out there for a single brother (and sister); in addition to looks, personality, religion, race, skin-tone, wealth in some cases, country etc some of us have to also contend with tribes too? You’re killing us people! The process of elimination is deep, nobody should settle for anyone they don’t want but opening up might give better options. That being said I will never open up to any woman who owns open toe leopard print wedges….
Happy International Women’s Day (where’s our day though?)
JC
Ladies and Gents what’s your thoughts on the story? Was the woman harsh to let a good brother go? To my Igbo and Yoruba followers do you feel the same? What are your thoughts on the process of elimination? Speak on it!
PS: I’M NOT TRYING TO INCITE A WAR ON HERE BETWEEN IGBOS AND YORUBAS BY THE WAY, USE THAT AGGRESSION ON THE KONY MOVEMENT
23 comments on “Fighting The Process Of Elimination”
-
whats wrong with one toe leopard print shoes though??? i know its not the subject for discussion but i have some banging stillettoes that are leopard print, i dont know whats going on with you JC…
(i’m not nigerian so the tribe doesn’t matter to me *kanye shrug*)
Miss Tammy recently posted..Club Antics
-
If she lets something like what side of Nigeria one is from get in the way of finding someone, she deserves to die alone.
*shrugs*
-
LOL, this made me giggle. Can’t front- I’m Igbo and i’m guilty of muttering the words “i’ll never date a Yoruba guy” (half jokingly, half serious) but its not because of the history between our two ethnic groups, at least not explicitly. I’ve just had a lot of not-so-good experiences.
Lady Ngo recently posted..Inspiration -
If i’m honest i think he’s good to be out of that situation. I consider that exceptionally narrow minded and more often than not that characteristic will showcase again and possibly over something he maybe passionate about…in which case he’s best left out. I absolutely despise people bringing up things which today are irrelevant, now unless in said conversation of mentioning tribes he actually threatened her and insinuated her tribe was ‘rubbish’ or less than hers, their really is no need to maintain pre-historic ideas.
-
we already got so much hate in the world and now we gotta hate according to our tribal affiliations? What are we still living in the dark ages? I think its time we started moving beyond all of that and got with a brother/sister for who they are and not where they come from or tribe they belong to. Thats what I think anyway.. thats all.
-
Interesting read!! Had a similar conversation recently. I do feel that this “Tribal judgement” lol begins at home though in my opinion.
Anywho BWNG, thanks for the read, enjoyed that!
ps, so people have to now contend with wedged heels yeah, this process of elimination is seryasss man . lol.
-
In my opinion the fella had a lucky escape… i mean why date a wananabe “woman” who lacks independence in her judgemnet. As a Nigerian yoruba lady i find this absolutely ridiculous, i wouldn’t rule out a man i have great chemistry wit,h on the basis of him being Igbo absolute *BS*.
PS. I AGREE SHE DESERVES TO DIE ALONE
Great read
-
It’s actually a bit odd that it took so long for it to come out. Usually, people who care would’ve made it a point to find out from the first time they find out the other party’s Naija/whatever.
Saying that someone deserves to die alone is fairly judgmental for people who are reacting to perceived short sightedness. Different people have different priorities. Depending on family background, it could be that she/they would be given a fairly hard time if she were to bring a Yoruba person home. My mom has such fears about me marrying into a Jamaican family (me being given a hard time, that is). If the author’s friend was feeling her that much, she likely has some redeeming qualities and isn’t necessarily a horrible person. Whatever she decides is her prerogative, and the repercussions of her mindset are hers to bear. Sucks for the guy, but he will be better off with someone who accepts him for all that he is. He’s likely dismissed someone for a minor reason in his lifetime, and she’s likely accepted something that someone who’s commented so far has rejected.
My parents would be surprised if I even end up with a Nigerian, talk less of a Yoruba, so I’m clearly not one to pay attention to all this divisive stuff.
-
You boy had his game right so he has nothing to be ashamed of. The lady is not open minded. Simple as that. I find it amazing how you can be outside Nigeria and still hearken to old divisions. Personally, I think leaving Nigeria gave me a greater appreciation of the things all Nigerians had in common but I guess that’s just me. I have come across such people. What makes it worse is that apparently my name does not sound Nigerian enough and I am from a tribe most Nigerians haven’t heard of. At the end of the day eliminating entire groups of people from your pool means less suitable people to chose from hence it is your loss.
Sir Fariku recently posted..Mythbusters, Nigerian Edition: Thoughts on Juju, Jazz and Related BS -
Late but
A – international men’s day is every damn day.
B- this is sad, but at the end of the day,we all have our standards. Some are important and others are superficial. People let these things stop them all the time. Who am I to judge what is wrong or right on your list? She was at least honest with herself and him early enough to avoid drama. Will she regret or someday? Maybe. But that’s her cross to bear. I’m sure ya boy will be just fine. -
As an African raised in the diaspora and living back in the motherland, I wholeheartedly agree that making judgements based on ethnic affiliations is just ridiculous. Not to completely trivialise the topic but Imagine your cockney workmate from Essex saying “I tell you what, I’d never date a scouse bird!” But I transpose it to my country and that’s exactly what people do. Now I understand that there are historical reasons, most political and all emanating from colonial times. However, as a barber of mine once told me *cue Trinidadian accent* “sh** is sh** and you don’t need to tell me it stinks!” It’s 2012 and if people can’t wake up then buoy maybe the Mayans are right about December 21st: we’re all doomed!
-
Yeah, well it seems shallow on the surface, but that kind of thing runs deep. We’re talking centuries of animosity here. Maybe she was being close-minded, but ancient tribal hatreds may be too much to overcome. It’s a shame it didn’t work out though. Sounds like they had some mad chemistry.
Jeremy Wahl recently posted..Use the “I Don’t Give a Shit” Attitude to Achieve Massive Online Dating Success with Women -
Lol so extra! This is why I typically avoid nigerians (my dad is Yoruba and my mum is half igbo) the fact that she is half west Indian also causes beef at family reunions. I have to say that Yoruba people seem to think they run Nigeria and are extremely hostile to igbos (in my experience) also, the Yoruba side of our family just do not talk! At all! And they are so aggressive! The Igbo ones are not so cliquey but I get on with my fam in Trinidadian Grenada and Barbados best. Idk. Harsh experience has put me off Yoruba men, Nigerian men, African men in general. And the reason there is no international mens day is because that day is called the year that never ends. It’s like when White people complain at the lack of a White history month. If you were joking I apologise lol but I, my sisters, and my mother have suffered at the hands of Yoruba men, and african men in general, I am very prejudiced against them, but slowly I am getting over it! Your blog does help lol
-
Interesting, interesting! I know I’m late, but I couldn’t help but want to add my two pence.
Whilst I think you shouldn’t be so narrow in your thinking, for women, particularly of African descent & Nigerian there is more than just being with who you like lol (sad, but true). I think the comment from F alluded to this inadvertently in that her mother is 1/2 Igbo and there’s “beef at family reunions”. I guess for a woman entering a family, you are at the mercy of the other women in the family, and although it wasn’t expounded on, what’s to say that the guy’s family would have accepted her, and nobody should say that doesn’t matter, because it really does. Family support is important, you don’t want members of your family wanting the r’ship to fail. Allow it.
However, I know some people come from very open-minded Nigerian families, but there is ALWAYS that hardcore traditionalist harping on in the background. Don’t forget old school grandma! Obviously I’m postulating here, but it’s good to think about EVERYTHING, not just the fact that she is narrow minded. It may be stemming from other issues, which is rubbish, but still happens even till tomorrow. Like was mentioned earlier, both have probably made silly decisions at some point in their lives, and here hers took centre stage.Thanks for opening up interesting discourse
Sad but true! Maybe this ladie’s parents were traditionalists and had cleared any thought of their precious daughter mixing blood with a ‘yoruba’.