I am one of those people who actually don’t have an issue with doing a 9-5. I’ll gladly take part in continuous routines, expensive lunches and working alongside the anti-social marketer with the emotionless face and monotone voice who suddenly transforms into a binge-drinking, flirtatious motor mouth once we all go for drinks at the local bar. I enjoy what I do; the pay is good, the benefits are rewarding and I have a competent team around me. All is good…..sometimes.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

He lied.

Where the sentiment behind that quote is understood, there is ALWAYS something about or surrounding your job that you are bound to hate. The worse thing is that it’s not your fault and often something that you can’t control. Now despite loving my job, there are a few things that I could do without; I’d be an idiot if I decided to quit over them but maaaaan!?! I wouldn’t leave my job but here’s 6 reasons why I could…

Commuting

I’m a morning person (post 7:30am) all the way up until I get to the train station (8am). From that moment up until I set foot in my office building I am set obstacles that I must overcome humbly; these obstacles are commuters. If it isn’t the person that waits ‘til they get to the touch in point before they sift through their bag for their oyster for 5 mins only to touch in and get the seek assistance sign; it’s the person who attempts to drift in front of me when the train is approaching leaving me contemplating my first murder of 2012 ever.

It’s the person who wants to push an old woman causing a domino effect when they’re dying to get on the packed train. It’s the person who caught SARS over the weekend and decides to distribute it without holding their mouth. It’s the person who forgot to add deodorant to their daily routine. It’s that woman who tries to yell “excuse me” to go past me and expects me to listen when there’s clearly no space. I’ve contemplated a Chris Brown at least twice a week while commuting.

Oh and the delays…WITHOUT FAIL there is a delay, I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a smooth journey to work; “signal failure” is the number 1 killer of morning smiles. The Victoria line should burn in hell.

TIME

Time flies everywhere except at work. When you wake up in the middle of the night at 4am and go to sleep for ‘5 minutes’ its 7am. When you look up at the clock in the middle of work at 11:00am and go back to work for ‘5 minutes’ it’s 11:02am. Time waits for nobody except at a 9-5; work has brothers craving lunch by 9:15am.

16:55pm (or 5 minutes before you leave work) however is an example of how time all of a sudden becomes valuable again. That moment when you’ve done what you need to do for the day but still have to wait around a couple of minutes so you don’t look eager to leave before contracted hours, is the worst moment for time to move slow. For if you’re noticeably impatient and work-free, someone may just throw you a little extra work to do. What seems like only a 5 minute job keeps you at work for an extra hour and all of a sudden time’s moving fast again. I hate that.

That doughnut who….

Most people have someone at a job they either hate or dislike. Everyone has someone at work who annoys the hell out of them. Those annoying people come in two categories:

1. The person you know
2. The person you don’t know

The person you know will be the one who insists on speaking to you all the time every day about sh*t you could care less about. They usually come with an annoying voice and an ability to make situations more uncomfortable by taking an unrequested seat next to you to engage in whack banter.

The person you know may also be the one who seems to run on a different climate than everybody else and turns the AC on during the winter because she’s hot and turns it off during the summer because she’s cold. What planet did she come from?

I wish a brother WOULD steal my stapler

The person you don’t know is that workmate who keeps stealing from your desk. You started the year with a stationery of pens, highlighters, stapler etc. You now have a felt tip and one double a battery in your stationery because someone keeps stealing your ish. You look around the office and everyone looks nonchalant like they don’t know they stole it.

The person you don’t know is also the workmate who wants to take a swipe at your juice in the fridge. You KNOW how much juice is left in the carton, yet when you pick it up to pour in the glass there’s a drought. You question the office and they plead the fifth.

I hate that.

What do you do?

I think it’s commendable that companies make up certain job titles just so they can hire people. I have no qualms in employing those who are unemployed BUT there are those in the office who make a lot of money, doing nothing! I see people distributing work to their workmates, getting paid to just talk…but what do you do? I see you joke around with people all day and attend company meetings….but what do you do? You complain that we’re out of milk in the office via email and someone should get it…..but WHAT DO YOU DO? People who get paid vast amounts and do nothing to benefit the company. I hate that.

The inability to put customers/consumers in their place

My line of work means I don’t have to speak with customers/consumers but I do take over the telephone answering when my colleague is off. The understandable problem with many companies is the premise that “the customer is always right”…no, no they’re not. Consumers/Customers have this problem where they can’t differentiate the manufacturer or provider of a product with the person who works for the company. So what happens is when they have a complaint, they insist on shouting at the person on the phone and down-talking them like it’s their fault.

This happened to me; it’s common knowledge that when someone shouts at me or tries to down-talk me, I either shut down and stop listening or I become the most patronizing person on the planet. I did both. Sure it meant a 10 minute chat with the general manager but unless I’m allowed to truly put customers in their place I’m going to patronize the hell out of them. Customers who think they’re beyond getting dissed. I hate that.

Tax

You’d think having worked for so many years I’d be used to it. Nope. I still hate opening my payslip and seeing my ass getting taxed left right and centre.

Despite the everyday annoyances I still get a resurgence of life when I step into the office. Even though the concept of work is tedious I like to keep busy and enjoy what I do. How about that, someone who enjoys a 9-5, maybe I need to be tested.

JC

So brothers and sisters what do you guys hate about your job? Who in your line of work would you like to slap….in the face…..with a chair? Tell me your stories.

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