Once upon a time, not too long ago (I tell myself  this so I don’t feel old) things were very different. I have to constantly remind myself that the game has changed and just embrace it for what it is to avoid resembling that old man who bangs on about “the good old days”. It’s how I sometimes feel though, maybe I’m right or maybe it’s just an overrated love of nostalgia but a feeling that visits me from time to time all the same.

Back in the day, you know back when if I was getting to know someone, I would call them on their house phone or meet them after school and just talk (maybe a quick lipsing ting); or maybe I’ll catch them on the mobile for a 10 minute conversation before my credit ran out. Back in those days when if you haven’t been in the ends in months you could came back and people had stories to tell; or if you met a “girl from off ends” she was an intriguing mystery breed of woman who girls from the ends hated on because ‘girls from *insert location*’ were better than the locals.

The game has changed though, I don’t like it, you gotta send requests  exchanging constant text with other people talking about absolutely nothing. Real faces have been replaced by DP’s and everybody has been digitally altered to look like they have no spots and were walking past Take 2 studios when somebody randomly took a picture of them. Some will say “you are getting older Kwelu we’re grown ups”, to that I would say “Why cant I be a grown up with a 3210 and a polyphonic ring tone though huh?”. Why can’t I grow up and escape your face on a timeline or updating your status? I deleted you and now facebook is asking me if I know you and want to be your friend despite earlier informing facebook via the delete button that this is no longer the case. Over the years things have changed, often accelerated by the gift and the curse which is technology. Here is a few advancements that have changed the way we do things

Mobile Phones

Mobile phones have turned the game upside down period. I didn’t spend too much time growing up without one so I can’t tell you how people previously survived when they were at the bus stop and some weird person came to talk to them and they needed a distraction but the dependence we have had on these devices I can definitely measure. I went from Banana phone to the face off and on to 3310 enjoying wonderful things like that free +44 code everyone had for texts, or sending people free voicemail messages with their 3 digit code.

When phones became the standard we all talked and could communicate with greater efficiency. The shy guys could now talk behind closed doors avoiding the crowds and drop pre rehearsed chat up lines without a next man pretending to be looking one way but blatantly trying to listen to what was being said behind them. How ironic though is it that these devices which once made people talk more now cause the opposite effect. Ever met up with someone who talks for hours on the phone only to meet up and they pretend to be mute and paralysed and even laugh under their breath? (damn weirdos).

Now we have BBM; people talk to you when you update your status or for absolutely no reason making you think you are more “connected” but its all a jedi mind trick. Read that back and count the ‘you cools?’ ‘lol’s’ ‘lmaos’s’ and emoticons. That was not a conversation, that was the equivalent of playing snakes on your phone in class to try and pass the time; problem is it becomes habit. That’s only the conversational aspect, the conspiracy is way deeper as the new built in cameras and other technology has created many career enders. If you don’t know what a career ender is scroll through your pictures and count the amount of people’s statuses and conversations people have saved and shared with the world along with the compromising pictures. The game is f*cked up, you gotta be vigilant or you can mess around and get screen munched like pow! These cameras are 1million pixels and the videos are HD, beware.

The Internet

From when a guy could go on a computer, see a woman he liked the look of, send her a message and 2 weeks later he’s playing Usher with her in his room at midnight, the game done changed. It started with Blackchat and Hi5 but these are nothing compared to what we are dealing with today; social networking sites have changed the game forever. Back in the day if I met Lakeisha from Ilford at carnival, I could only do the basic checks. You know what I mean, when you would call up someone who lives in close vicinity and find out if they knew her (you would probably get a no though).

Now I can type her name in on facebook, call up our mutual friends  using a copy and pasted or saved pic of the person as a reference (Note To Reader: Whether you like it or not, someone has stolen AT LEAST ONE of your pictures at some point). You can get caught lying, cheating, dying or crying on facebook, you WILL get tagged and that’s a wrap.

Let’s not forget the espionage movements from partners stealing passwords and infiltrating your DM’s in search of evidence or the drama of “its complicated” on your status. The internet has become a big sea with plenty of different types of fish in it (hold tight the plenty of fish crew). Its absolute heaven for a guy with no top on, baby oil on his chest and a camera taking a picture of the mirror he is looking in.

Photoshop, Instagram etc.

Technology has also succeeded over time in making the impossible, possible. Who needs plastic surgery in 2012 when you have Photoshop? Now everybody is beautiful in the digital world and damn they are showing off. Now I can see you, your boobies and the clothes behind you on your bed looking a mess all in sepia or whatever chosen effect you have gone with. Now beer googles is something all people must avoid, sometimes I dont even drink in clubs because of this, I’m serious. You go out, meet somebody in some dark room whose silhouette you liked and exchanged drunken words with and now when you go on facebook or twitter to check them out you think you hit the jackpot. There is no note by the picture saying *altered using photoshop* or *taken 5 years ago before I started comfort eating*. You are there for the taking, able to be confused by someone aided by some program downloaded for free off piratebay.

There are a heap of inventions I believe have changed the game and this is just a few of some that I’ll be hitting you with from time to time. Feel free to add your own and remember, stay safe stay vigilant, its a cold world.

Don Kwelu