Lines, Moves and Tactics That Don’t Work On Women
In a weekend filled with potential talking points that included the ‘physical’ shooting threat of Derek Chisora on David Haye (because he is secretly Professor X and can mentally take you out too), the questionably televised but well executed funeral service of Whitney Houston (R.I.P) and Arsenal’s silverware allergies, there was one moment I observed at a comedy night this weekend that got me to write this post.
Now men are sometimes faced with a daunting challenge when having to win the acknowledgement, attention and appreciation of a woman they’re interested in. Like an outbound sales call they have to sound confident in their approach, devise a sales pitch and hope they’ve garnered enough interest and intrigue for the conversation to continue. With the likelihood of rejection due to her always receiving the same type of ‘outbound calls’ or already having what’s on sale, there isn’t much room for failure; which is why I couldn’t get my head wrapped around what this brother did to a woman at the comedy night.
A hot woman walks past, the guy grabs her arm, she looks at her arm and then looks at him and he says….
Guy: Do you have any raisins?
Girl (angrily): No
Guy: How about a date?
Girl kisses her teeth and walks off
I think we can all agree that chat-up line was an abomination but probably a winner for 70% of the contestants on Take Me Out. So where did he really fail? The grabbing of the arm. Its 2012, the grabbing of the arm hasn’t worked since…ever, why is it still being tried today? Brothers are giving out free Chinese burns with 0% success rate and looking baffled. Newsflash: Women hate it. That moment made me think of a number of lines, tactics and moves that men still try today that don’t work 99% to 50% of the time. Would you like to see them? Of course you would, lets go!
99% likelihood of failure
Now the reason I say 99% instead of 100% is because after watching what those two girls did with that cup a few years back (if you don’t know what I’m talking about then lucky you) I will always know there is that 1% population in the world who are down for anything, by down for anything I meant f***** insane.
Dude should have parked and approached....just saying
Psst Psst – What kinda snake chant is this? Using onomatopoeia to get a woman’s attention? That’s not grown. Sure she will turn around but just to see what type of brothers are recycling lost tactics in 2012. Of course the 1% who respond to this are spoiling it for the rest of the women but a brother’s chances are reduced dramatically when he has to replace the simple words “excuse me” with a modified whistle.
Hollering From Your Car – We’ve all been there, we’re in the car and we gaze to our left or right and see the type of woman to cause a car crash. Some choose to look, some choose to park up and approach and then some choose to shout through the car window. The latter is a fail, why are you shouting like you’re selling cheap fruit from Dalston market? Causing this scene will only make her feel embarrassed, cheapened and will get you nowhere unless you drive a maserati.
75% likelihood of failure
I Just Wanna Be Friends – The proverbial back up line to when a woman responds “I have a man”. For most men this back up line is to save face and hang on to that thing we call dearly, pride; while for others it is Plan B. Success rate used to be lower but social media and BBM give brothers avenues for future contact. So where a sister may not be happy in giving her number, a pin/twitter account is a substitute. Failure rate is still high however and that ‘friends’ concept is lame, let it go.
Good Cop, Bad Cop – This wingman concept when executed properly is a story teller for years to come; problem is that its success rate is low. You know the tactic when you get your friend or acquaintance to approach a girl you like and he acts like an idiot, is derogatory towards her and uses all failed tactics in one; then you come in and apologise for his actions and play the good guy, being respectful and making her laugh and she smiles and you’re in? Yeah that doesn’t work most of the time, as much as it’s a good plan, she may not take kindly to it because you the good guy are associated with bad guys. “You are who your friends are”
50% likelihood of failure
Buying Her A Drink: I remember when I was 18 at a new year’s eve rave and was making countless eye contact with this girl. We got to talking and I bought her a drink; silly naïve me thought that the fact that she accepted the drink meant that she was essentially mine for the night, I’d be getting her number and we’d meet up at another time. Neither of the three happened, my biceps grew from trying to pick my jaw from off the floor, I had squandered my investment, I felt used. There was a lesson learned; fellas, getting 
her a drink buys you more time for your sales pitch but does not necessarily seal the deal.
Cliched Lines: Cliched lines that aren’t direct pick-ups are a 50/50, women may have heard them before but if the right comedy is conveyed from it, it may work at that initial point. However you also have an equal likelihood of getting the Jesse Jackson side eye from many a woman. Lines like ‘Don’t I Know You From Somewhere?’ “I feel like I’ve seen you before” could go either way, you and her could both know that you haven’t seen her a day in your life but such is the social landscape nowadays she may think you have mistaken real life visuals for her avatar on Twitter, don’t count on it though, women know this line all too well.
There are more lines, tactics and moves that fail on women but where would be the fun in not allowing our readers to join in? Ladies what else doesn’t work for you? Brothers what other approaches haven’t worked for you in the past? Somebody tell me a story.
I’m gone like Arsenal’s trophy hopes (again)
JC
21 comments on “Lines, Moves and Tactics That Don’t Work On Women”
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Funny Post. I agree with you. Although the fact that I know, ” Do I know you from somewhere” is cliched, I am sometimes lost for words when I actually do think I know you from somewhere but cant quite remember where.
Sir Fariku recently posted..The Curious Case of Being Black – Are Africans Black?
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@Sir Fariku, That’s an annoying one as you can’t even show proof. If that happens to me I speak to the girl then maybe later on in the convo I drop the “I know you from somewhere but I cant remember where” line, at least then you’ll have basis for her to believe you.
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@Justin Credible, This happened to me 2 days ago. I saw a girl I thought I knew from somewhere but could not remember where. My friend beside said he also seems to know the girl from somewhere. Alas to avoid embarrassment, I did not say anything. The mind needs to be made to work like a computer. I need it to print out details of where I know these ladies from. It also does not help that I hardly forget faces. I could see you in the train and 2 years later I would recognize you but not know from where I know until i sit and ponder upon it.
Sir Fariku recently posted..When Fashionably Late Goes Wrong, On Nigerian/African/Colored People Time…
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You had me at onomatopoeia!!!
I agree whole heartedly with this post, and the question really is if a woman is impressed by these wack tactics, do you realy want her anyway?
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@Obenewa,
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keisha brown recently posted..music moves me: i’m here
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i love everything about this post. (mostly because i was going to write something similar) but now i dont have to!
*yoink!*my girl tweeted the other day that this dude pretty much expected her digits because he was driving a BMW.
1st off – my girl is GORGEOUS so is gonna need you to come a little more correct than that
2nd – if she had indeed been impressed by the car, wouldn’t that give him ammunition to claim her to be materialistic/gold-digger (yes)why is it that men get mad when a women responds to what he puts out there. if all you are doing is talking about cars, clothes and the money…of course that’s what you are going to get back!!!
it’s NO different than if my avi was my breasts and i was all over every blog dropping sexual innuendoes. what other image am i projecting to the world?
moral of the story, if you want substance – offer substance. otherwise, you get what you pay for. literally.
ps: men, just remove ‘we can’t be friends’ from your vocab. please. you didn’t approach her because she looks like she’ll make a great friend. and if she should make you one, you lament and complain about being friend zoned.
*drop kicks mic stand on my way out.
keisha brown recently posted..music moves me: i’m here -
That psst psst is BUSH…leave it for the uncles, and I would have said “Aff” uncles, but that ‘mating call’ is global it would seem.
See, I LOL’d at that raisin joke, but grabbing the arm is a STRAIGHT red card. Also, you’re right about the fact that the right kind of humour could swing a poor chat up line to a success. I think the real skill lies in the ability in not making it seem like you’re actually chatting the girl up i.e. not contrived, desperate, scary…but then the BWNG wouldn’t exist would they
Keep up the great work
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LOL great post. More time if a chick is really on you, you can say the dumbest thing in the world and still get through. Its very rare that what you say can turn one who was previously not interested to being interested. very rare.
The Yak
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@The Yak,
True story!
Which is why is she is saying the line about I have a man and the guy says well we can be friends that is an automatic FAIL.
I do think that is by far the dumbest comeback line in the history of man. smh
whoever has used this line STOP IT!
Double N recently posted..Hair today…
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I was once having a convo having approached a lady at a bar and a guy straight walked up behind her and smell her hair – as if her was smelling his mums Sunday cooking. Some guys are simply off kilter. Anyway I digress.
For me – as in football – it is all about angles. I will approach from the front so brief eye contact is made at least before speaking. The MO of approaching from behind and whispering into her ear, or grabbing her arm from a side angle is not for me. Making her feel uncomfortable before you have even delivered your sales pitch seems kinda self-defeatist. But that’s just me. Each to one’s own
BTW
Been following you guy’s since the Heskey article. Keep up the great work.
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LMAO its cray.. think JC delivered every line perfectly. sometimes we get caught doing this sortta antics to get a lady, but none has ever come out successful. and its even embarrassing if you get snubbed. and the PSST chant? very annoying to me too. like dude you seriously didn’t just do that to get her attention. if my friend does that ima act like i don’t even know you. you could have just said ”Hey”. BWNG always my best blog. you guys are just outta this world.
Kevin recently posted..Originalitty: am hungry tho-
@Kevin, Thank you bro!! Long time since you commented bruh, welcome back lol
Justin Credible recently posted..Things Men Need To Stop Doing At The Gym
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lol@snake chant , this is gibving me life lol
Double N recently posted..Hair today…
Great post! The “I just wanna be friends one” is so annoying. Also known as “I never said I wanted to be your man” Aaaaarrrrgh!!