Man Code/Laws/Commandments/Rules
Happy Friday people! So last month we came across a hilarious episodic sketch called “Man Code” by comedians Billy Sorrells and Sleezy Dee and Man Laws by our blogger brother Swaggerville, dramatizing the rules men must abide and adhere to. They touched on a few scenarios that brought us to tears of laughter but as with the ever evolving world there are always NEW rules to add the set of old rules…and how selfish would we be if we didn’t share these rules?
Ladies and Gents we have an unnamed book of 1000 rules every man must adhere to in everyday life. We’d like to share some of them with you…so here’s BWNG’s Man Code/Laws/Commandments/Rules…..Leggo!
Rule #6 “Underwear Check” If you’re not over 40, under 10 or a wrestler, under no circumstances should you be wearing briefs. Y fronts in your drawers are a direct violation of Manhood, let alone the MAN CODE!
Rule #290 “Search History” NEVER search for Porn via a Male actor’s name, that’s suspect..
Shameful
Rule #777 “Stop looking” Never should you compliment another man’s aesthetic. For example..
Man 1: Yo I saw tyrone today….
Man 2: yeah? whats he saying
Man 3: I aint seen that mofo in a hot minute
Man 1 : yeah he’s cool…he said he just came back from holiday….he had a tan it..looked good on him, the brother is all glowing and ish.
PAUSE!
Rule #112 “Below the Belt” Hugging a man around the waist is in absolutely no way acceptable; who cares if you play rugby? Quit and play a new sport. One man’s balls cannot be within 1ft of another man’s balls at ANY time!
Rule #11 “Fabio/Gaston revolution” Upper case V (necks) and U necks are not cool Summerwear; we must not be so close to seeing your belly button and shouldn’t be in full view of your chest hairs, looking like Gaston. This JLS syndrome is far beyond ridiculous, what next? Off shoulder tops?
Oh god..
Rule #26 “Smell right” Never ever should a man smell his friend’s aftershave via nose to neck. This is a violation of the man code and personal space. If indoors, take the bottle and smell it or ask your friend to spray it. If outdoors, a man may sniff from a distance but not make it obvious as sniffing a man is in itself violation of the code.
Rule #8 “Loyalty above Principles” Deny all knowledge of your mate’s cheating antics even if there’s video evidence in HD. Question the validity by pointing to the conspiracy which suggests that the man on the moon imagery was forged in 1969. “….Imagine the technology today?”
Rule #94 “Text Kisses” Leaving an ‘x’ at the end of your texts to dudes is an invitation for an ass whooping. I’m not French, Italian or a Graham Norton groupie, keep your kisses to yourself.
Rule #11 “Team Co-ordination” A group of men all purposely going out wearing the same colour or the same thing which is not white or black (even if it’s red, black and green Gucci) is in violation of the man code except in the following instances. The World Cup…in fact any football or sports match, street promotion team, a native African wedding/event or independence days. 3 men wearing matching yellow and pink and Lyle and Scott jumpers is illegal.
Rule #52 “Exfoliate don’t Exaggerate” Never ever should a man look in the mirror so long that he decides to moisten or glisten his moustache/eyebrows. God forbid you’ve got curls to match, Bobby V.
Rule #212 “Bathroom Company” Not at any point should two men go to the restroom at the same time unless they both genuinely need to pee.
Rule #4 “Topless Talk” No man should take naked or topless pics (especially in 2011), use it for his facebook or BB profile and proceed to message his male friends. NOBODY wants to be conversing with an R&B activist, put your shirt on!
Rule #439 “Beyonce” Blasting Beyonce tracks out of your car speakers is not cool, I don’t care if you’re Crazy in Love, Dangerously in Love or looking for Single Ladies and Divas; play Sweet Dreams out of your car and you are in direct violation of the MAN CODE
Rule #87 “Colour Code” Never ever refer to the colour of your clothes by their direct shade. E.g: ‘Pass my baby blue sleeveless hoodie, lilac fitted, magnolia wife beater and marshmellow polo’ Are you serious? What happened to Light Blue, Purple, Cream and Pink?
Rule #45 “Emoticon Etiquette” It is absolutely unacceptable that a man puts up bb emoticons with the eyelashes or the kiss lips in either statuses or uses them in conversations. This is to avoid being accused of homosexuality and being framed sending bb kisses with bright red lipstick to women. (Brothers get munched these days don’t let it be you).
Rule #367 “Goodnight” One man should not use the words good night to say goodbye to another male in any form of instant messaging furthermore not at all. Peace, 1, bless, gone, the no1 2moro g or cool bruv are all suitable goodbyes…
Rule #99 “Social RnB” Posting slow jams on a male friend’s Facebook is in violation of the code.
Rule #7 “Lucky Number Seven” Under no circumstances should you sleep with a mate’s sister, unless it’s through marriage.
Rule #19 “R.E.S.P.E.C.T” Never have a conversation with a mate’s girlfriend longer than 5 minutes or after 12am. (Don Kwelu “more like 10pm”) Strictly ping! Especially if the conversation starts with “what are you doing” or “I am Bored…”
Rule #500 “Taxi” When there is one or more passengers in a car, there must always be someone sitting shotgun. Not cool to make dude look like a cab driver.
Rule #846 “Oreos/Sugar” White Jeans are a no no. What are you a milkman? A sailor?
Rule #52 “Skin Tone” A man should never bleach his skin or get a fake tan, or any form of skin alteration for that matter…unless he made “Thriller”. PS: Such a man can do whatever he wants, even hang babies over balconies.
Rule #25 “Back the F Up” A man must vacate within 30 seconds from the moment he first detects any sexual chemistry between a mate and a female. No cockblocking
Rule 454# Never should you sing down the phone when around your boys…no matter who it is on the other side of the line
Man: “baby you the sh*t, you the shit baby you the..radio killer”
Friends: hommie you gay
Man: its my girl…. I love singing to her, do it all the time
Save that for pillow talk
Rule 15# “Barber 101” Never should you leave your elbows sticking out when sitting in the barber’s chair whilst getting a haircut…unless you want the barber’s crotch touching you…yeah didn’t think so
Rule 1# NEVER BE A HESKEY
We are BWNG and we solemnly swear to adhere to the Man Code!
Any more man codes to add? Leave a comment!
Pic Source: http://www.peacefulmedia.com/images/samples/cracking-the-man-code-logo.jpg
29 comments on “Man Code/Laws/Commandments/Rules”
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This was a very good read on my lunch break. i had to hold myself from laughing. will definitely send this to my male friends to have a look at especially the ones that i know are gulity of violating 11, 52, and 777.
I am waitng for the next installment of “Ask BWNG”. The Bottom is Bottom needs to be the first on the list!!!!!!
the world is waiting for your answer guys, me, my girls and the guys, lol
keep up the great blogs!
JJx
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Finally we have all these rules in the same place!
Rule #777 is especially poignant! I once heard T-Pain state and I quote “Ray J has a big meat” whilst discussing his sex tape with Kim K.
Complementing a man’s looks – questionable
Complementing a man’s genitalia – I call the pause police -
NOBODY wants to be conversing with an R&B activist!!!
In the 90′s the code was standard practice but now in North London I’m seeing dudes in v-necks, red socks and asking about Beyonce tour dates.. aww chucks that ish is disgusting.
I’ll never be a Heskey!!
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Awwwwww shucks!!!!
This is why http://www.brotherswithnogame.com stays up in my Favourites.
Some of these should be in the ten commandments!
Lmao @ brothers posting rnb tracks on their homies page! Where they do that at? You suspect as hell!
*does 75 pushups before donning extra deep vee*
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PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA x Hiiiiilarious!!!!
You guys man! Seriously, enjoyed that read once again!!! Are you a milkman you know, PAHAHA, no ive got to stop here as im at work too so i wont allow myself to go through the ones i found most Hiiilarious or ill be gone lol!
Again as always keepin it moving guys!!! Loving it all!!!!!!
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Okay, I get most of the “rules”. But this must be for American guys. Brothers in other places are a lot more comfortable and relaxed in their manhood. American brother have been so repressed for a lot of time that it is accepted as “normal”. For friendships/relationships/family, you MUST look out at all times and take care of it (whether it makes you uncomfortable or not). There are many homosexual men in the US so that should be considered when Black Americans define manhood. [Have to say...thanks for #15 (I hate when the barber rub his thing against my arm, accidentally or not)]
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Rule 15# “Barber 101” Never should you leave your elbows sticking out when sitting in the barber’s chair whilst getting a haircut…unless you want the barber’s crotch touching you…yeah didn’t think so
LMAO!! of all the rules, this one is painfully hilarious! had me in tears and in stiches on my desk at work!
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Ahahaha!” I object to rule #45 …show’s your comfortable in your sexuality…
oh all right then. Looking forward to the rest of them
kisses xx
But I’m not a dude so that’s OK.