Men Are Men, Right?
“I hope you’re not acting like your father”
“You will not be like your father…. in Jesus’ name”
“Don’t treat women like that…ah ah reminds me of that stupid man”
A brief snippet of the words drummed into every day of my life, compliments of mummy dearest…
Myself and a few friends attended a discussion a few months back about the dating game, and how it’s changed since the days of our parents and our parent’s parents…. from which a guy made a somewhat outlandish statement. However, for some odd reason it stuck with me for the whole weekend…maybe a few months..
“Men no longer know how to be men…and the same for women (not knowing how to be women)…but more so men”
Usually I’d shun this off as just another quote but it got me thinking…Cue Carrie from Sex and The City style moment Is what I know to be a man or how I’ve conducted myself, been that of a man? It was the first time I had heard something of that nature but ironically wasn’t the last…as a result I began to delve further into this reoccurring realm and notion many referred to as “The Feminization of the Man” Below are responses from a few of my female friends on guys of their past.
“Men don’t know how to be men”
“Men are ridiculously emotional these days, gosh”
“He likes me a bit too much”
“mofo proposed to me after a week..*bbm hand covers face*
I lost all ratings I never had for the guy proposing after a week.
Anyway it seemed there was an element of truth in this, men becoming or being more women like in personal attributes. Why is this? The first thing that springs to many a mind is a guy’s parents being split. Although a lot of people talk about the adverse affects a ‘broken home’ has it wasn’t until recently that I came up with my take on the affects I believe being from a broken home has on men…and women.
A random classroom in East London:
Kid 1: Yo! parents evening was crazy, my mum gave me the wooden spoon when I got in
Kid 2: Same here, teachers take the piss…Kid 3 I see you with your mum and some dude… who was that?
Kid 3: ….My dad
Kid 1 & 2: YOU HAVE A DAD? Nooooo waaaaay get out of here…2 parents. Mate how’s that feel?
True story….sort of….
My mother, similar to that of some of my fellow BWNG and affiliates, raised me by herself. Growing up, it wasn’t abnormal to be from a ‘broken home’ but if you had both parents you were a rare commodity.
Broken homes are usually a result of some marriage or relationship malfunction and don’t usually end amicably. Looking back especially at the spoken words to begin this post with by my Mum, her aim was always to raise me to be less like my dad. Her aim was to create the perfect man, but in the eyes of a woman. With that being said I began to realise that I was almost a result of my father’s woes and that a large part of my personal characteristics like emotions and approach etc are mitigation from the countless mistakes that my mother endured with my father. The WoeMan!
Traits passed from my mother
- Making me more aware of the ability to understand even when I don’t understand
- Being more in touch with my emotions
- Never afraid to express a level of emotions to my fellow counterpart
- Appreciating the partnership with a women when making the decision to aid towards Unison
In an ideal world the above would make perfect sense, however these are and can only be ideals not the real world. No insult to my mother or any of those out there, however I feel a woman cannot fully raise a man, she can do a good job however there are some aspects of developing a boy’s character which requires a dominant male figure. I’m of the opinion that a man can possess the above however it’s the whole thing of striking a balance, as too much of anything can at times not be a good thing.
Traits you would assume are passed from fathers to son
- Making an executive decision
- Knowing when to take lead and be the head of the house
- Accept responsibility
- Being strong in times of weakness which provides indirect comfort to and for the household
Now the above may seem somewhat alpha male, sexist, typical etc however my point is merely towards striking a balance between the two sets of traits; which could also breech the gap in what we seem to be suffering with regards to notion that Men don’t know how to play their position in the house and likewise with our fellow female counter parts. Don’t get it twisted either, women too are suffering from a slight deficiency in the act or know how of ‘being a lady’ however this too can be a result of not having a father/Woes of father… to remind young girls of the princess they are knowing that one day they will make the transition from princess to queen….no not Lil Kim Princess to Queen B…but the princess that understands how a man is ought to treat a woman and expecting nothing less than that.
So yeah… that’s my very small take on the lack of manly men and womanly women, and why I feel this is slight cause for concern… remember readers I’m not objectifying this theory however like all other theories, it simply acts as a catalyst in ascertaining a possible explanation for the discussion at hand.