Hi guys. As most of you are aware, BWNG has been expanding lately. Not so long ago we started with our random blogs and now our stories have evolved into an online series as well as inspired some fantastic upcoming events for you to enjoy; so as you can guess, we have all been very busy. We haven’t forgotten our loyal readers however, so expect some more regular posts from the guys this week as it’s normal service resumed.

Team GB and all that

It’s the middle of summer, the sun is shining and the Olympics are finally here. Olympic fever has officially gripped the nation and I must say, London is as bright and busy as I have ever seen it. All is great apart from the fact that the BBC is insisting on showing me a load of events which I don’t really care about 24hrs a day. I’m not complaining as some of it is quite fun if you are bored/intoxicated but damn, there are a lot of events!! I’m pretty sure you can win a gold medal in walking it’s that bad and my fear is that soon planking will become an olympic sport. So far I have watched a bit of football, archery, gymnastics, weightlifting and some dudes horse-riding before I gave up  and decided somebody should just wake me up when Usain Bolt is here. So today I’m not going to be talking about the Olympics because that’s what everybody else is talking about and I can’t seem to escape it.

Today I’m going to be focusing on the other half of the entertainment industry – music and the random people otherwise known as celebrities.

I have noticed recently that there is REAL HUSTLING taking place in the world right now. We all know that records no longer sell like they used to so it seems that today’s artists have to be a step ahead of the game if they want to make some paper. The random others seem to be right alongside them in creative ways to make the cash.

So being the nerd I am I thought I would take a look at the game and see if I can find the formula these people use to make so much damn money. So I present to you My Hustle’s So Russell: The 6 step guide for success in the entertainment industry

1. Dramatically alter your appearance

If you have a new album coming out or you want to open up some new business opportunities, a great promo trick is the shock makeover. Bum implants, skin-lightening, nose jobs…. this hustle is real serious yo. It seems many people are managing to keep themselves relevant by constantly being in the press for morphing like transformers on a daily basis. Is Cassie’s album out? Because I have seen her shaved head over a million times in a load of magazines but all now I haven’t heard any new tunes.

Imagine if Mark Morrison knew that if he had a mohican this week and applied some cake soap the next, he could still be relevant today dropping his 6th album. It seems today’s media is only interested in what you look like, not what you are actually doing. Don’t believe me? Tell me the last time Nikki Minaj made a song you like?

2. (Allegedly) Release a sextape

It seems like an intentionally leaked sex tape could actually do wonders for your bank balance and career unless of course you go by the name of Robert Kelly and you fail to go through the age validation process beforehand. All that seems to be required for this to be successful is for one of the participants to be relatively famous, a digital camera (an Iphone or Android will suffice if you are on a budget), the right person to publish it and you’re in business.

The power of the sex tape cannot be underestimated these days; it has become a great promotional tool (how? I don’t know but hey). Just think, without the sex tape Pamela Anderson would have just been that chick with the fake boobs off Baywatch, Kim K would probably be an extra (albeit a well off extra) in Jersey Shore and Tulisa wouldn’t have had the cheek to release a single including a video with her dancing.

Note: This can go wrong though – just ask Montana Fishburne who somehow thought if she did a feature length film with a professional crew this will equal more money and fame. Your dad is Morpheus ffs, you are cool by default and I’m pretty sure daddy could have broke you off some change if you needed it that bad.

3. Come out of the closet

Frank Ocean, my man *Denzel Washington voice*. Dude took it to a whole new level recently when he decided to tell the world he was once in love with a man one week before his album dropped. The next week this guy was being reviewed in all the papers, on everyone’s twitter timeline and being played out of every car. This is not to say that without this announcement he would not have been as Channel Orange is a dope album, neither am I saying that he was lying about his revelation. All I am saying is his timing couldn’t have been any better if it was to be good business.

“Frank Ocean is the man of the moment, and not just for his brave (in the macho world of hip hop) honesty about his sexual orientation” – The Telegraph

Pause. They called dude the man of the moment for a combination of coming out plus his music… you might as well have said he was halfway there before he dropped the album. They even said ‘the world of hip hop’ to make it sound more dramatic. It wouldn’t have been the same if they said R&B sensation as that doesn’t make you gangster. Coming out in the presence of Omarion, Trey Songz and a bunch of other singing dudes with braids is almost inevitable. Once you say Hip-Hop though? …. That’s a hustle right there!!!

4. Get shot

Applies to rappers only

5. Rent a baby

Only applies to Beyonce….Yeah I said it!

6. If you can’t beat them….join them

So there it is, the result of my findings. I’m not trying to promote the above tactics I’m just reporting. If your dark-skinned homeboy who raps turns up light skinned tomorrow talking about “it’s a natural condition” and “by the way I’ve got something I want to tell you”, it’s got nothing to do with me…

Peace Out

Don Kwelu