Yo readers! I hope everybody had a great bank holiday weekend, I know I did. I don’t understand why we don’t have three day weekends as the norm anyway; I think there’s a good case that Monday (a.k.a “aaargh I hate work, I’m tired and can’t be bothered”) and Friday (a.k.a “It’s Friday!! I’m watching the clock I need to get out of here”) only combine to make a single day’s work efficiency wise so why not? Most of us went to various birthday parties, dinners, strip clubs, bbqs and raving with at least half of the black London population in or outside City Love on Sunday night…not that I was there or anything.

No matter where you were this weekend I think most of you would agree that the ladies were looking fine and ‘mandem’ were dressed sharpish. One thing I noticed though was the frequent reluctance of some people to mingle with others of the same sex and more worryingly the opposite sex; even though Stevie Wonder could see they wanted to. Focusing on failure to mingle with the latter I suggest we kick some game into people and work out where we are going right or wrong. Let us all refer to various rages of a very old manual Pimpology 101: “How to and how not to try and mingle” and begin…

Stage 1 – Acknowledgment

This is basically the first scene and is not done very well very often as I witnessed over the weekend, even though it is the KEY part of the process.

“Good first impressions are priceless! you have on average a 30 second window to stimulate their eyes, smell and/or mind, this creates a good impression to build on, use it well ” (The Manual).

This is where eye contact is first made, possibly accompanied with a handshake (or a kiss on the hand if you’re sweet beyond measure french or slightly perverted) and a “Hi” if being introduced via a third party and possibly where the first words are spoken. Smelling good, a smart appearance and smile will always work a treat at this stage.

"I likes ya and I wants ya"...Erm No!

Food for thought for my single minglers: Men don’t wanna hear “I’m not looking for a man so I dont care” or “thats not what I came out for” , and guys the same goes for us too. Sour face/ I can smell shit on my top lip/my face is bent type expressions are a criminal offence to socialising period. I’m not talking about that ‘I had a long day at work’ or I shouldn’t have come out while I’m stressed face…I mean that ‘girl you need a hug face, why you mad at thin air?’ or “look at me… I’m screwing my face, do you think I’m sexy and look like I may have a Thug Life tattoo on my lower back” (GAY). This is the easiest way to repel people by simply looking unapproachable or anti social. I always hear excuses but its  all nonsense behaviour to me that only makes you look foolish and attract foolish people in to your life to join you in more foolishness. What kind of people do you think those facials attract anyway? if it attracts anyone at all. Smile!!! what is so hard about this concept? There is no good first impression that can be gained from someone who looks unhappy in a room full of people who came out to be happy, STOP IT!

If it’s that whole looking at each other from across a crowded room cheesy hollywood type scene then make sure you look at them in the eye….dont stare of course but dont be afraid to interact. Looking at the subject for more than one second beats looking at them numerous times for a split moment, what are you 12? It seems people are just too intimidated by other people or situations these days and its quite sad, although BB messenger, Facebook, Twitter etc may have made people forget how to socialise in real life i’ll remind you most people wont bite. If this little bit goes well it will make stage two so much easier.

Stage 2 – The Introduction

“First impressions extend to the first point of verbal communication so be aware the effects of what you say, confidence not cockiness and politeness not rudeness is best way to avoid the par ” - The Manual.

At some point if you were unable to do so at stage 1 for any number of reasons or stage one was skipped as sometimes that happens you are going to have to take the plunge and introduce yourself. This is the stage where tragedies often happen which could range from real smooth to kinda fun to pretty entertaining to seriously embarrassing. I am aware that it is difficult for some people to talk to people they don’t know however if you are a man, shyness will NEVER help you. Women will very rarely come up to you so if you want to stand there and stare and quickly turn back when she looks over shame on you! this behaviour is successful for women only. If you are a confident person I need not explain how to introduce yourself because thats the beauty of the game and this is your time to shine.

Its supposed to be natural so just go with the flow; avoid stuttering, spitting, and repeated questions, PLEASE dont ask the same damn question over again. Its only an intro and you need something for the phone/bbm/whatever it is you communicate via so dont try and set the world record of asking 20 questions in 3 mins. Have a light but interesting conversation, humourous if possible but dont force it ’cause nothing can kill a brother’s game like a lame joke. Like the manual says, what you say will determine how smooth it goes so if you say something dumb you might have a situation on your hands

For those who dont know how to mingle very well by yourself there is still hope let me give you a quote from a section of the manual that might provide slight assistance.

Wingman Theory

“If in doubt get a wingman, it takes off the pressure and provides a decoy. A wingman is so underrated these days and people are not grateful for the role played by the wingman. Some brothers out there should honestly think when they look at their woman  ”God bless my wingman” and should never ever forget the importance of his/her role they often play” (The manual).

It’s all there, if in doubt get a wingman and do the damn thing, don’t be a coward!, I always say you may never see her/him again so if you pick up on a vibe make something happen and dont be that guy, what guy? this guy. “Blud you know I could have drawn that girl right?  she was on me blud, but but but” …..shut up!

If you’re not comfortable, opt for a wingman because you will only annoy your friends later with shoulda woulda coulda stories. Just be grateful though when you get one as people should thank a brother or sister who would roll with you, probably do 70% of the talking just for you and give you shy people the time to just look at each other smiling and blushing all shy and shit because that right there is love. This is especially the case if he/she put themselves in the beauty and the beast situation just for you and the homie you winging for is trying to chat with the pretty girl/guy and left you with cousin IT from the Adams family or an Antoine Dodson look a like.

“In the case of the brother with no game, you going out to introduce yourself and strike convo solo is like sending a man into the battlefield minus the armour dressed in just briefs and a vest holding a gun with no bullets, 99% of the time your going down. Please if possible utilise a wing man”

Warning this method is not only for shy people as others need wingmen; even the most confident people get situations where a wingman will smooth it out. Watch out for JC’s dedicated post on this subject soon come.

*Wingman disclaimer* Approach and select Wingmen with caution as they have the ability to steal your chick/man, become jealous if overused while failing by themselves with the opposite sex (match fixing)  or just mess up everything.

That was just the bits on getting people talking or feeling more comfortable to talk to each other etc.  I’m from the ‘ends’ so know that when people don’t mingle but just bitch, screw each other, fight and get the party locked off. we got a situations that could have been avoided and there’s no love for anybody. Watch out for more quotes from the manual that include how to avoid the cock block, sealing the deal, how to spot smoke signs, the follow up and the wing mans revenge. You should spread love not war.

Peace out!

Don Kwelu

Brothers anymore game to add? How do you attract and approach women? Ladies is there a perfect way to look approachable? Give us your insight!