Hi I’m Justin Credible, you may remember me from such posts as “Back The F Up….I Still Love You Though” and “Sex and Relationship Books That Need To Be Written” and will remember me from future posts including “Putting Your Relationship Problems On Your Status Won’t Help Solve Them” and “Yes Homo: The Gay Things Straight Men Do”. Today’s post is a quick venture into the most overrated things about and surrounding sex.

Is sex itself overrated? Hell No! I just had sex an hour ago and it was off the chain but there are some aspects of it that are a bit less fun, important or stimulating than is widely suggested. Lets take a look shall we?

A Sex Tape

In theory a sextape should be one of the wildest, exciting and sexiest fantasies a guy/girl can partake in. In your mind you’re thinking  you’re the next Quentin Tarantino with the camera as you set it up to get a wide view of the action only to realise that you’re more like the brother who directs all of Drake’s videos. Playback shows the reality; that it isn’t a work of art but rather the most boring ish you’ll ever see. Unless you have numerous cameras and time to edit then it’s a one angle shot of repetitive action; those moments when you look into the camera winking or whatever seemed cool at the time now look like a 13 year old who just discovered puberty.

For those who are more of the indie and ‘innovative’ filmakers and decide to use a mobile to film the action, watching back is even worse with pixalated images, visual diversions,  and a cam that wont sit still. You were better off just using audio. Oh and then there’s the whole accidental leak of the tape on to the internet movement thats hot on the streets nowadays…..shoutout to Tashie Jackson.

Michael Douglasisms

Rough sex is splendid no doubt but let that start AFTER the clothes are off, this whole thing where she rips your favourite work shirt off in the heat and passion of the moment is cool until the next morning when you realise she ripped your favourite work shirt. Going to her house in a shirt and then leaving in an umpromptu V-neck is not conducive to winter living.

Sex on the Beach

You watch movies hear stories about how beautiful it is to make love while the moon, stars and ocean provide the amazing backdrop.  Yet nobody wanted to account for the sand violating your nether regions, the fact that it could be cold because you’re near the ocean, random tresspassers and the police, oh god the police.

Tantric Sex

……or Feng-shui Foreplay as I like to call it is all about heightening the sexual experience by spending pretty much half a day being attuned to each other’s body language by spooning, massaging each other, stroking faces, pouring oils and hot water on each other, gazing into each other’s eyes and paying attention to the rhythm of each other’s breathing so you can inhale and exhale together….and then you have sex *Side eye*. Apparently it prolongs the time before orgasm making a brother last hours in bed; but considering the fact that it takes half a day before you actually take part in sex thats long enough and say what you want, nobody wants to go one round for 5 hours. Drop me out of this unlimited yoga session.

The Big O

For both men and women, the female orgasm is a wonderful thing, not only for the envious ability for a woman to have one on numerous occassions without falling asleep but it looks good. Her eyes roll back, body gets to shaking, moans of delight etc etc. Men on the other hand have 10 seconds of pure retardation when we orgasm. Other than this happening with someone we actually care about you cant help but wonder sometimes if it’s worth going all out for a session with a random, risking certain unwanted consequences (clingyness, regret, STDs, pregnancy). Its a 10 second risk many are willing to take but its overrated.

Food

“Two great tastes that don’t taste great together” - Beth Mann

Some foods work during sex, most foods don’t. You ever have someone put chocolate spread all over you but realise it’s too much and can’t even finish it, leaving you stuck to the bedsheets with nutella running down your back and then they have the audacity to moan that you’re dirtying their sheets? Sex involving food is good in moderation but most of the time you’re left with unexpected and unwanted tastes, clammy skin and a new addition to the allergic list.

Making Love From Behind

The most overrated and arguably mythical concept on this list. I am pro making love, the act evokes all the positive traits of physical, emotional and somewhat spiritual {#NoTantric) connection; but when it comes to taking a woman from behind making love is not the road best chosen. Is it possible? sure! Overrated? yes! Why? well take a look at the clip below from 0:20 to 1:05.

Are there anymore I’m missing? What else is overrated? What is underrated? Share your thoughts

JC

Do you agree?

Pic Sources: Digital Photo Web