It took me a little while to register or accept it but after partaking in krumping exercises just to keep myself warm this past weekend waiting for Maverick, Don Kwelu and The Yak outside Victoria station (punks) I can finally say Winter is here!! 5 things I look forward to or at least have become accustomed to from winter (other than Christmas dinner or this watch I’ll be getting; donations from readers are accepted…) are:

• That ‘Holidays Are Coming’ Coca-Cola advert (grown ass man but I still sing along)
• Buying a dope and much needed winter jacket
• Sitting in front of the TV on Boxing Day sporting a bloated belly and watching Football
• Christmas Day at Church and whether ‘Aunt’ Ophelia will buy me Teletubbies panties for the 11th year running (Sidenote: I don’t know what’s worse; the fact that she started buying me tellytubbies panties from when I was in my teens, the fact that she’s comfortable with not even TRYING to be creative with her present choices or the fact that I still wear them…)
• The 50% increase of phone calls I get from Women as a result of cuffing season

Ah yes, cuffing season, the proverbial time of year where being ‘held’ is a priority. Now the fact that I’m getting more after hours attention than Bagel King at the moment doesn’t necessarily mean I’m wanted, as the conversations vary. When an increase in attention from ‘strangers’ occurs it’s more than likely reactions to it being dark and cold and you get three types of the opposite sex calling you. 1) The one who is catching up with those they don’t usually talk to as there time spent outside has been cut short due to the weather 2) the one who wants to feel warmth in every sense of the word and hollas at you for comfort and maybe a potential spouse title 3) the one who gets those thoughts at night and with night falling as early as 4pm their thoughts increase tenfold and need someone to share those thoughts with ..so they can act on it. < — This right here is a PP 2.0 (promiscuous prototype), only recently have I realised how many promiscuous prototypes I know (thanks to Winter) and they come in all different shapes, sizes and types. Here are just a few I come across:

The Straight Up Nymph

Most women love sex, that goes without saying; it’s just that many women control it by unleashing their nymph side on very little occasions, only for a partner or with a very little amount of people. The PP 2.0 on the other hand will “take 6 on the camera” have sex at will and nobody, no rules and no advert is going to stop her. If she likes you and she wants you, she will have you. She hasn’t got low self-esteem, she isn’t confused, she’s not even a rebel…she just loves sex. Sure she’ll be labelled all sorts of names and she won’t particularly like it but she isn’t out to make new friends, this is for her own personal pleasure. Nymphs are bobbing nodding their heads as they read this.

The Opportunist

Sleeping with someone to get ahead is all part of the game for the opportunist. I’d say you’ll find an opportunist or someone willing to be an opportunist in almost every profitable organisation in the world. You’ll also find them right under your nose with those willing to do the deed just to get ahead in social settings and be well known. Sleeping with rave promoters to get on Guestlist, ambitious or what?

The Rebel

Usually found at University, the rebel is the one who felt trapped, restricted and stifled by rules and regulations of her parents. But as soon as she touched campus? Ahhh shiiii!! She will go to every party from Hip Hop Night to Cowboys and Indians to Bhangra gone Wild, have a personal stack of bottles in her room and request wrestling moves in the bed. A brother will be wondering where the hell this girl came from, he’s never participated in Suplex Sex before, he’ll be on cloud nine until she moves on to the next dude.

The Hooker

Previously titled Goldigger but Don Kwelu told me otherwise, the hooker is the PP 2.0 whose sole motivation is monies. She’s not interested in your personality, looks (as much) or even your game, just your pocket. She will let you pick where and how you want it as long as she’s able to get her money/lavish lifestyle in the right direction.

The Bamboozled

This PP 2.0 wants love but is confused as she thinks to get it she’s supposed to give a man exactly what he wants and lock him down with sex. A guy can drop any lyric which will bamboozle her into giving it up like it’s by force. She’s not a freak in any sense of the word but she will let men sleep with her on one too many occasions

The Pringle

The former innocent girl with the quiet demeanour is now a full pledged PP 2.0 after discovering the Big O. For many women, once they make that sound, start shuddering and say ‘don’t touch me, don’t touch me’ it is the beginning of a craving. The need for good sex will have some women drive from High Wycombe to Dagenham at 2am just because a random brother promised the back blowout of a lifetime.

PP 2.0s are here all year round but you will see an increase in your awareness come Winter, whether you respond is entirely up to you! *phone rings* ah here’s one now.

I’m gone like my sanity this week once Drake quotes fill my timeline on Twitter, BB and Facebook

Take Care

JC

Brothers, do you know many PP 2.0s? Are you a PP 2.0? Does the enjoyment of sex warrant a ‘hoe’ title? Ladies what are the type of brothers that holla at you during Winter? Let me know!

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