The Ex-Files: Keeping Pictures of The Ex
Let me tell you a story about a guy and a girl called Mork & Mindy.. Ike & Tina.. Corey & Tapenga.. Michael and Vanessa. Michael who was an accountant and Vanessa who was an IT Consultant first met at a house party thrown earlier last year; they hit it off immediately and within a month or so were officially together. A month after that when Vanessa’s new pay scale at work was activated, she got herself a new apartment. Michael helps Vanessa move in and picking up new furniture. While he’s putting the finishing touches to her chester draws in her bedroom she is creating a mirage of photos on her wall . After an hour or less her bedroom looks like a showroom in Ikea, it is complete; she smiles, he smiles and she goes into the kitchen to get him some Supermalt.
While she’s in the kitchen he looks at the photos on the wall. He laughs at school pictures of her, pictures of her with the family, and smiles at pictures of him and her together….then he comes across pictures of Vanessa and her ex on the wall who she broke up with not too long before she got with Michael, his smile disappears. There’s not only one, but three photos of her and her ex together on the wall. Michael is annoyed by this and calls Vanessa in to talk about it. Vanessa agrees to take the photos down but she refuses to throw them away. Michael is pissed off at this point and they get into a full on argument….the Supermalt wasn’t consumed by Michael that night….in fact Michael never got to consume any drink at all in Vanessa’s new place. They split up. All over a photo of her ex.
I’m pretty sure there’ll be somewhat of an uneven split of which 35-40% will say no; they’re the ones who currently have pictures of their ex or who genuinely don’t have a problem with being with someone who does. The other 60-65% will either be on the fence about it or say yes and they will not have it in the slightest!
Me? I sway slightly towards the latter two depending on circumstance; I can understand the whole concept of memories and keeping moments that brought you happiness and made you who you are today…But I can’t say I’d be comfortable with these mementos, especially not in Michael’s situation. Michael should’ve dealt better with Vanessa’s initial compromise but because of the circumstance in which he discovered the photos I could empathise with his concern. It’s these type of concerns that have 60-65% of people saying yes.
There are five questions from the 5 W’s that come into play which contribute to the level of concern surrounding a partner who keeps a picture of their ex.
WHO is the photo of? – There’s Exes and There’s EXES. Now if the photo is of little Eugene or Wendy who the partner used to have a puppy love relationship with in primary/secondary school and they shared drumstick lollipops in tuck shops, chances are a brother/sister is not caring. If they are caring, have them examined immediately. Chances are, recent exes will garner less concern but if it’s the MOST RECENT ex then there’s problems; especially if the partner used to put or still puts alot of importance on that relationship. Uncomfortable levels will be high.
WHERE was the picture found? – Was it in a memory box? Was it in the partner’s phone? Was it in a facebook album/profile pictures? Was it on a computer? In a photo album? You often notice that where it’s found suggests the level of importance the partner gives to it…or if they even remember it’s there at all. A memory box or photo album for instance has an element of significance but because of limited use, the partner may not even remember that their ex is in them. A Facebook album, computer or phone however may illustrate how important they still are and with daily access to those mediums its a constant reminder of past happiness. A concerned person will find it difficult to deal with that.
WHAT is the picture of? – More often than not it’s probably of your partner and their ex partaking in landscape, soft focus, lovey dovey type pictures that could only be made more romantic with a GIGANTIC quote over it that you’re supposed to believe was first penned by Wiz Khalifa. (Shoutout to Tumblr). The levels of concern change with numbers of people and volume of clothes:
Group Photo with Ex… Not Too Concerned
Wiz Khalifa Photo...A Little Concerned
Holiday Photo of Partner and Ex in Bikini/Just Shorts…Concerned
A Photo Of Just Their Ex…Very Concerned
A Photo Of Partner and Ex Naked or just Ex Naked…Christian Bale
WHEN was the picture found? – At what stage of the relationship was the picture found? Does it matter? Yes and No. Yes because some people may not be so cool with having to see pictures of what WAS, so early in a relationship, it may affect the short and medium term future of it; but those same people may not care if they found it a year down the line because they’re in too deep, feel less disrespected, threatened, or uncomfortable. No because some people will be just as pissed, if not more pissed with photos surfacing deep into a relationship than at the early stages. Why are we married and you STILL have photos of them?
WHY do you still have pictures of your ex? – Ultimately this is the defining question behind someone of concern. When is the line stepped over from accessing memories to holding on to the past?
Depending on the seriousness of their relationship, memories will always stay engrained in the conscious and the subconscious of people. A song, a location, a mutual friend, a movie, meeting someone with the same name…anything can trigger up thoughts or memories of a moment in time; which then begs the question..so why do you need photos?
…and then he was gone…
So Ladies and Gents do you keep pictures of your exes? Why? What’s your thoughts on dating/being with someone who keeps pictures of their exes? Tell Me A Story! Give Me A Comment!
Pic Sources: Indian Times & Madame Noire