Whether you are from Stonebridge, Dagenham, Edmonton or Brixton, there is a common theme with  every character and atmosphere of your community (aka Hood or Ends)…take a deep breath and you will be able to smell multi-cultural commerce at its finest -once your nose is fully trained to overcome the smell of urine from the side roads- ha!

So you can imagine the interest turned disappointment when we heard the speculative news of a “The Only Way Is Dalston” series, only to realise that none of the cast would represent the people that actually lived in the “ends”. I mean if we’re going to saturize the market with these scripted reality shows like The Only Way Is Essex and Made in Chelsea, you might aswell bring the ends in on it right?

BWNG decided to take a look into our own ends and see the variety of characters that we had to make our own show. Ladies and Gentleman welcome to The Only Way Is Ends

Profile: “Mr DVD”

Age: Unknown
Ethnicity: Chinese
Commerce: Selling bootleg DVDs
Location: Mainly around Barbershops and other Black businesses
Respect: Moderate
Legitimacy: 100% Illegal
Catch Phrase: “DVD?”, “Buy 5 get one Free”, “I have a Special one for you”

Have you ever wondered why cinemas in areas such as Wood Green and Lea Valley are empty on saturday nights? Well you can begin by looking at the Chinese brothers supplying the hood with movies before they even hit our cinemas. These guys are true hustlers, because they keep communication to the minimum and provide brilliant customer service by letting you handle the stock, some even have a portable DVD player for previews.

The One Stop Shop Hustlepreneur

Age: Late 20s to early 30s
Ethnicity: African / Caribbean
Commerce: All Industries
Location: Office, BBM Broadcasts, Whats App, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace etc (Basically everywhere)
Respect: Moderately High
Legitimacy: 80% Legal, the other 20%?! (*coughs* “Snitches get stitches and sleep with the fishes”)
Catch Phrase: “I am the CEO of [insert business here]“, “I did it my way” “Wavy”

In the hood, we have brothers who try to balance multiple businesses which have no relation to each other. We call these guys Hustleprenuers. Now there is nothing wrong with multiple business ventures, as long as there is some synergy between each other. Surely you can’t have a store that sells weave and food at the same time, whilst also offering money transfer, Photocopying, Cab service and Freight services?!. One way to realise that you are dealing with a Hustlerpeneur is for example, when you come out of a meeting with the CEO of an IT Solutions firm, but rather than giving  a business card, he hands over his mixtape – which is self produced from the graphic design to promotional video-. He is our resident rave promoter too “Wavy”.

The Enigma

Age: 20s?
Ethnicity: South American? African? Carribean? French? Who knows!
Commerce: Unknown
Location: Home, Car
Respect: Unknown
Legitimacy: Unknown
Catchphrase: “Hi”

Nobody knows much about her, we just see glimpses and have seen each other’s faces enough times to warrant a “Hi”. Nobody knows if she grew up in the area or whether she moved late, and there is no sign of mutual friendship between her and anybody in the ends. You see her walking at pace on route to somewhere but you never quite catch where. Now she drives;..she leaves her house, heads straight for her car and sets off…you may catch her in a rival ends’ series.

The “12 hour a night shift” Dad

Age: 50+
Ethnicity: African
Commerce: Delivery service, Parking attendant, Bus Driver
Location: Bed, Work and Church (on Sundays)
Respect: Very High
Legitimacy: 200% Legal
Catch Phrase: “I sleep when I die”

Some of the most respected men in the hood are the 12 hour shift dads, otherwise known as “Uncle”. These African men are the black equivalent of the Polish worker, since they work two or three jobs to feed their household without any complaints. All they ask is that their food (served with Supermalt) is ready at random intervals during the day, and that the kids get good grades in school. A Tax, Mortgage, Student Loan paying legitimate black man might come as a surprise to the people outside of the hood – especially when the same “Uncle” is quick to put a ticket on your car in the city-. But before you get aggressive to another African Parking attendant just remember:

“Cant you read the sign?, its a double yellow line, I am sorry sir, but you cannot park your car…”

The Average Guy

Age: Early to Mid Twenties
Ethnicity: African
Commerce: Student/Part Time Worker
Location: Uni, Work and Church
Respect: High
Legitimacy: 100%
Catch Phrase: “My dad always says…”  “I’m just trying to get my family out the ends”

In between your variety of standout members of the community in the ends are your regular guys. This regular guy, a son of the hard working dad has adapted to the code of the streets whilst steering clear from peer pressure. His actions are from the influence of his dad who enforced the belt education and easier living from a young age. Whilst studying for a masters degree he’s working part time at the local gym and has his eye on..

The Hottest in the Ends

Age: Early to Mid Twenties
Ethnicity: Depends
Commerce: Marketing
Location: Work, Parties and Carribean Takeaway
Respect: Very High
Legitimacy: 100%
Catchphrase: “Behave Yourself” ”

Naturally the hottest girl in the ends is the hardest to get; she’s either taken or focused on work. Hollered at left, right and centre by everyone from the hustlepreneur to the resident shotter but she isn’t interested in a man’s image or wallet. Intelligence matched with the gift of having a derriere  you can see  from the front, the only thing stopping your every day average guy from hollering is the 7 brothers she has.

The Pro-Black Activist

Age: Mid to late 20s
Ethnicity: Mixed
Commerce: Community Work
Location: Youth Centres, The Park,
Respect: Moderately High
Legitimacy: 100%
Catchphrase: “Why must the library be your kryptonite?”

The graduate with a  degree in history and politics; when he received a book as a gradutaion present, his whole life changed. Now he carries the book preaching controversial black folk law whilst striving for community unification. He leaves listeners and friends confused with his iriteration of black power whilst having an ‘assistant’ who looks like Danielle Lloyd.

The OG turned Youth Worker

Age: 30s to 40s
Ethnicity: Carribean
Commerce: Youth and Community Work
Location: Youth Centre, Carribean Takeaway, Chicken Shop
Respect: High
Legitimacy: 100%
Catchphrase: “Let Me Tell You A Story” “Guns don’t kill people, the government do”

After numerous stints in jail and run ins with the feds, this former OG has turned a new leaf and is working at the local youth centre. The brother with wise words, advice and stories; he’s used his experience to cater to the youth.

The Resident Shotter

Age: 15-25
Ethnicity: Afro/Caribbean or other dependant on postcode
Commerece: Narcotics
Location: 5 mins away blood!
Respect: Dependant on reliability
Legitimacy: 0%-50% in the hood
Catch Phrase: “I got that piff/cheese/cheddar/sticky fam”

Appoximately every 15 minutes or if you stay still for long enough you will see a guy riding a mountain bike wearing a man bag (probably Gucci) whizzing past you, in fact not whizzing… he rides real slow. This is not for exercise unless he is planning to become the fittest man in the ends, this guy is on his grind.

The Resident Badman (Shanker Shanks)

Age: 20-30
Ethnicity: Depends
Commerce: Robbing shotters and various unknown activities
Location: Ghost
Respect: Its not respect its fear
Legitimacy: Dumb question
Catch Phrase: “Them man are moving funny”

At one stage in his life he referred to himself as Tiny Shanks then Younger Shanks now he’s just Shanks. He was the guy who stole leroys Digimon back in the days and borrowed stuff and never returned it and acted like he didn’t know what you were talking about when you asked him. My mum thinks he’s a saint but pops told me to stop rolling with him after I told him I cant come church because “man’s got beef round there”. He is currently working on his fourth mixtape from the Big man tings compilation Get shot and survive to drop a hot 16 or die trying.

The Only Way is Ends coming soon…

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