The Par that is the R: 6 step guide to flirting on Blackberry Messenger
I have come to notice one thing over the last six months of using the Blackberry Messenger. There is nothing more horrific than seeing that your message has been delivered and read, yet ten minutes in waiting, the person on the other side has failed to reply. The frustration grows with every second that goes by, especially if this happens to be someone that you are pursuing. I call this “The Par that is the R”. The reason that it is a Par (London slang for Disrespect) is that no matter how busy the other person is, there is no valid excuse because to simply type ‘BRB’ doesn’t take more than three seconds. Therefore no matter whatever excuse she chooses to conjure up whether valid or not, you still got par-ed.
So having held a couple Pars in my short time on BBM, I thought I would try to give other brothers some advice on how to avoid it.
6. Having a manly Blackberry in Manly colours
Now lets get one thing straight, the worst kind of par is a real life one. Whatever you do, make sure that you avoid parism in the flesh. And the best way in doing this is by making sure that you are sending the correct smoke signals to the female you are interested in.
In life you only have a few seconds to make an impression, and one thing we know about the opposite sex, is that they have mastered the art of assessing the smallest of details. Women tend to embrace anything that can give them an indication about a guy, and would more than happily use it as a means of eliminating or recruiting a new candidate. So when picking a handset here are a few things you should take into consideration.
What your blackberry says about you?
Blackberry Curve – Early 20s, still at home or university, most likely on TMOBILE for the 5 day pass deal.
Rationale (How she came to this conclusion): By owning an entry model handset -which is usually offered on “Pay as You Go” or cheap short term contract, a female will start making assumptions such as: “PAYG or £20 a month contract = Young and lack of commitment”
Blackberry Torch or a BlackBerry in any colour other than Black – Mid 20s, retail or in the creative industry, outgoing and vibrant socialite.
Rationale: Seen as he has the latest trendier handset, he looks like one who spends most his money on trendy products. The flip phones and coloured phones are usually associated with females, so this guy is confident with his sexuality and seems to love the attention such a handsets can invoke. (oh…or maybe he is gay)
Blackberry Bold – Mid 20s working man, at the transitional stage in his life from boy to man, possibly renting or working to that mortgage and settling down.
Rationale: He can obviously afford the mid top range handset, most probably on Monthly contract – which in its own shows commitment not shown by the PAYG younger on BB Curve. The manly physique of the handset in comparison to the curve and Torch boasts masculinity and maturity.
So now you have given off the right vibes and managed to get her BBM, you need to try to avoid the Virtual Par.
5. Be Strategic with your Statuses
The aim of this exercise is to give away just enough information on your status to entice her into a conversation. The BBM status is a dangerous tool, it can be the perfect bait if used correctly, and then on the flipside it can ruin your whole game before it has even started. Try to avoid self pity or self glorification as these can easily portray you as either weak or shallow.
For example if you just came back from holiday the last thing you want to do is give it all away on one status.
Mistakes made:
“Napa was live, the best one over the last three trips still. Bring on Napa 2012”
The mistakes made here are:
(a) you have given away more than you needed to, so there is no room left to begin a conversation on this subject.
(b) She now knows that you lack any imagination and your life obviously hasn’t developed over three summers.
(c) You are one of the annoying guys who use “road slang” even when typing *Still*
The Strategic Status:
“Jet-lagged”
In true Don Kwelu fashion: “This is grown”. In just two words you have now opened the Pandora Box of assumptions and questions that she will now wish to fulfill.
Jet-lagged = Long trip, different time zones, new experiences, enlightenment etc
Because she would struggle to put your status into a particular box, she would be forced to ask questions because lets be honest women hate the suspense. This now puts the ball in your court as she would be the one initiating the conversation.
4. Avoid Incriminating Pictures or Statuses
Let’s be honest, we have all got family members or school friends who are incarcerated. On that note: “Free My brother Snake, soon touch road”. Now back to regularly scheduled programming…
If you are trying to entertain a female, the last thing you want her to see is a picture of your incarcerated friends with the status “Free My N*gga (…….)”. That is young, keep the judicial friction for the YouTube freestyles.
3. Avoid sending her Broadcasts
Broadcasts are annoying no matter how good a cause it is that you are trying to promote. We are all different, so when broadcasting messages try to avoid sending them to people that you have a fragile relationship with or whom you don’t know a great deal about. The last thing anybody wants to wake up to is a broadcast ending with “If you don’t send this message to ten of your friends, you may never wake up”. Really? At 3AM on a work night? Negro please. Haven’t you got better things to do than sending intimidating broadcasts? So for your own sake try to avoid sending any male banter or propaganda to someone you barely know – and that includes me-.
2. Avoid Pinging her if you get the R treatment
Now if you managed to mess up and she has given you the ‘R’ treatment, the last thing you want to do is PING her phone. These types of dudes are called Ping-a-boos, you know the type of dudes that send a message at 11.53pm, and then the scenario below happens.
When this happens to you, you are officially a “Write-off”
1. Keep a conversation history as an audit trail
Now I know this sounds a little bit big brother-ish but what better way to cover your own back than once in a while rolling back to past messages just to see where the relationship went sour. A Par can be avoided if you can analyse the changing trends in the conversation before it is too late. Women have this mental database of all the good and bad things you have done to -or for- them. Men? we focus on the pointless details in between. So having a BBM history at your disposal, you can start to tap into that God given talent our female counterparts possess.
Through the message history you can begin to track when the replies had started to dry up. “She once got back to me within 5 seconds, now she is leaving a whole minute to reply” = Trouble. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a crisis, but maybe this is where you start to look to take the conversation outside of BBM, so you can start to gauge her tone of voice. This should start give you a truer indication of whether or not the interest has started to dry up.
Now the BBM game is much more complex than represented in this article, and these six rules may not guarantee that you won’t get par-ed, but they can at least prolong the process.
The Yak
Twitter: @TheYakBWNG / @TheBWNG
What are your thoughts on the 6 step guide? Gents have you encountered similar pars to the ones spoken of? Ladies have you delivered pars? Tell me a story!
27 comments on “The Par that is the R: 6 step guide to flirting on Blackberry Messenger”
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This is the most emotional piece you dudes have wrote.
Do you know how many times I wanted to write “Free ….” then I have to remind myself of the type of network I have on my BB, mad ting.
I learned the hard way don’t put other women’s pics as your profilepic as it triggers bare questions and jeal vibes.
RIP to my Curve, peace
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True tales, broadcasted 17 reems, about how fit they are and its there lucky day because tonight big pipe wants to make em blow!!
result = 3 deletes, 8 LOL’s and grown convos 2 reems that would later get creamed and 4 no responses
Yak step your broadcast game up, stop wife hunting you sound desperate mate and “free snake”
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As a female this is my advice to men, if you are getting the R with no responses its time to throw the deuces up! No female ignores a message from the guy she likes, she could have her arms and legs full and still type that reply that reply with her tongue. Just saying
Loved the post keep it up!
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Waaaaaaa LOL! You are doing a great service here. Keep on!
So, what you’ve got a bold then? lool
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cant mess with a dude with a curve when i have a bold! c’mon son, upgrade that ish! nad i’ve had no.2 happen to me one too many times. take a walk, read a book, msg someone else when you’ve been ‘par-ed with the R’ cos we bound to reply at some point unless you keep bugging then its ‘delete and ignore future invitations’
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the whole blackberry hype to me is a cross between pokemon cards(something colourful to play with on the train)/msn/conformity. when i was in college i would seldom see a bb, and when i did, it was owned by someone clearly professional. nowadays the same blackberry bolds and torches people aspire to have are also play things for high school kids.
ladies, if i guy asks for your pin dont be flattered – he just doesnt want to/ cant afford to call you.
it allows you to be someone your not, if your dumb or gererally uninteresting you can just copy/paste someone elses status or draw lines from a song or some famous guy in the history books.
girls tell me that in some cases they give their pin to people who they dont want to have their number. one word… facebook and they dont have the ability to wake you up at 3am with a: ‘What you doin? x’. on top of that a BWNG has already explained how anti-social they are. i’ll conceed that there are advantages to this device but i just see it as a toy for kids.
by the way, those professionals have all moved over to iphones and HTCs.lol sorry guys, rant over
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The Par that is the R, love that line, too funny!
Par of the R’s = Delete or ignore and never BBM that person to initiate a convo again! LOL.
several pars of R’s must mean you are not rated in the slightest of slightest = ‘Any person’, Deep times!LOL.
Dont Ave it!!! LOL. Its a rudeness bruv !lol.Goodstuff MR Yak! Always a pleasure BWNG, keepin it movin and loving the movement!!!:)
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So happy I found your blog, I cant believe your from London :O (Where do I meet guys like you)
your writing reminds me of another blog ‘Black girls are easy’, But I can relate to your more because your down with the Ldn lingoAnyways I look forward to spending the rest of my day reading your other posts *bbm dance* X3 lol
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HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! You guys are amazing!