Anybody under the illusion that the ups and downs (especially downs) of a relationship is kept in the confines of the sanctity between a man and woman, I humbly ask you to take several seats. You can guaran-damn-tee that both (and most) men and women tell their closest friends nearly everything.

Reader: Everything?
JC: Yes, nearly everything

The only thing kept out of conversation are topics they THEMSELVES don’t want their friends to know. This is non-negotiable, to an extent.

We can tell our respective partners to keep certain aspects of the relationship or individual out of conversation and the partner will oblige; but when things go wrong and/or your partner feels like delivering inch-perfect right hooks to your throat that obligation goes out the window. What usually follows from there is a deep conversation with their friend/s about how YOU messed up and as a result they get either:

1. A friend who gives necessary and helpful advice
2. A friend who gives absolutely terrible advice
3. And/or that friend who didn’t rate you in the first place and uses this golden opportunity to tear you a new one….subtlety.

Either way, the friends are easily inclined to build an impression of you depending on the way your partner expresses the topic.

Now as much as both men and women tell their friends about relationship and individual issues, women seem to have a much wider scope of topics to really sink their teeth into. Please understand this is not a good thing; there are some things about brothers that are just not to be said and who would I be not to share those things with you? So here’s Things Men Don’t Want Their Women Telling Their Friends About:

Bad Sex Life

Let’s be real, no man is proud of a poor performance. Satisfied? Maybe.

“All you need is 50 pumps, count it if you ain’t got nothing to do” – Bernie Mac

But not proud. That’s why we don’t need this type of news to spread outside the bedroom.

Double Standards: It’s true we have no problem whatsoever with the missus if she is talking about all the good we do in the bedroom; ain’t nothing wrong with highly favoured appraisal. In fact I recommend it. However when it’s the reverse, keep that ish between yourselves until the man figures out exactly where it went wrong. The girls don’t need to know that her man’s shaving seconds off his record in bed or that his soldier doesn’t stand to salute or she is suffering from Big O withdrawal symptoms. Suck it up and handle it internally.

I know some of you will say it’s just pride talking…..of course it’s pride!

“Pride provides the backbone of a man; if he doesn’t have the money, the car or the DVD box-set of The Wire at least he has Pride. It builds confidence, it builds character and it demands credit.” - JC

Insecurities

Most men have insecurities but they don’t all share them; from a disappearing hairline to height to moobs, it varies and a brother is a little sensitive about the topic. We let our missus in on our insecurities out of trust; passing this onto her friends was not part of the script. To the outside world we are the epitome of masculinity, we’re only supposed to shrivel up in front of her. Now she’s got a brother sifting through Ne-Yo’s hat wardrobe to find new styles to cover up that Lebron James’ hairline when in front of her friends. Not cool.

Anything Involving Money Issues

Finance is a touchy spot for men, when we’re not stable financially, we’re not stable period. Chances are friends already know we’re not in the best position because we’ve brought our own calculator to add up our total of the bill, or keep a handy coupon/voucher booklet nearby; so words aren’t needed. Outlining the fact that a man can’t pay for things she wants to her friends is one of the worst things a woman can do to her man.
In the words of Ron Isley and R.Kelly “Keep it on the down low…nobody has to know”.

Our relationship with our family

A man’s relationship with his family is none of their business….none.

Wasteman Chronicles aka The Truth

From 15 Reasons Why We Dump You

“We’ve conceded and respect the fact that when times are rough you’re more than likely to confide in your girlfriends and though they may have pearls of wisdom, chances are that some things they say may be the advisory equivalent of Lil B’s talent; and bringing back home that type of advice isn’t conducive to a working relationship especially if it’s from one of your permanently single friends who dislikes men and hasn’t had a man since chipped cable.” - JC

True stories.
However even as men we can admit when we’ve been useless in a relationship; we recognise our mistakes and whereas we don’t warrant the title of a wasteman in these instances, we’ve shown traits of waste behaviour. Guilty. But what will send us over the edge is if she passes on moments of this information to her friends. Mainly because it gives a bad impression on her friends in general but in certain dynamics there’s always that one friend who we just don’t want to feed an opportunity to.
She’s the one you don’t take kindly to and vice-versa, the one who hasn’t had a man since chipped cable, the spawn of Satan, the one who has a brother lined up to take your place,. We know we’re waste at times, we just don’t need HER to know it.
So there you have a few things that we should keep a secret. Say nothing…..nothing!

I’m gone like Lauryn Hill’s performance skills

JC

Ladies and Gentleman…..Agree? Disagree? Want to add more? Want to give me things men should not say to their friends? Leave A Comment