Things Women Say That Wind Men Up
Afternoon! So the day after Sepp Blatter says there is no racism in football and everybody should shake hands, Nasa gives us half stories about their recent discoveries in space and @MaverickBWNG denies he is Bendtner in disguise I thought I’d try and be a bit different and tell the truth. After recently coming across “5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Woman Without Expecting A Smack” again I thought I would spin Justin Credible’s article on its head and look at things women shouldn’t say to men without expecting to frustrate them.
I would say to avoid a slap or to avoid a shaking however at BWNG we don’t promote violence towards women. Slapping and shaking are out of the question and although restraining techniques can be employed in extreme cases I thought there’s no need to go there in the title (I’m over explaining now). Instead of reacting violently, men just cheat moan or give you the ‘it’s cool’ treatment and then sit you down a month later to tell you about perceived “respect issues”. Its fair to say that women are specialists at winding us up with the things they say sometimes accidentally and other times it is clearly intentional. So after speaking to the brothers and a couple of conversations with a few women I present to you things we have put together to avoid saying to men if you don’t want to piss them off unnecessarily or unintentionally .
This statement is usually made during football associated activities although there are exceptions. Sometimes it’s whilst playing COD online or in the middle of Fifa/Pro or whilst you’re watching MOTD or Monday Night Football. Basically almost anytime we are having fun by yourself, doing something which requires our full attention (that she would rather have onto herself ) she will ask this question. For the ladies that haven’t grasped this, I’m begging you to understand that ARSENAL VS TOTTENHAM means that if you’re not Clive Tildsley or John Motson please don’t speak unless you have football commentary skills or the house is on fire. There is a clock in the top right corner of the screen luv; you know the answer, you’re just talking for talking sake. 90 minutes is all I ask for.
If growing up means to look as miserable or as serious as you do right now as you are saying this to me I’m perfectly happy being Peter Pan.
I saw somebody tweet this week about the family zone which looked like advanced friend zone bars (sad times). Friend zone placement without consent is bound to wind up any guy who does not share your view unless he said “you’re like a sister to me” first or you’re 100% sure he has no intention of ever attempting to sleep with you based on realistic facts. This could go down wrong even though he might not say and he will take it as a serious par. What is most annoying is he probably doesn’t want to be your pretend brother in the first place or knows you are just trying to indirectly tell him “I don’t like you” disguised as a compliment. Why play Brothers and Sisters when he wants to play Mummy and Daddy’s?
“Stop, this just doesn’t feel right”
This is ok as long as we’re not both naked at the time with your heart beating anticipating doing the damn thing when it is said. A build up of excitement which becomes a half naked discussion is quite frustrating; although later on we may understand
What the hell does this mean? If I told you to be a woman what would you say to that? “you’re just being silly now” I bet. Is there a standardised male prototype rolling around called man whom I haven’t met? He’s probably some Caveman or Neanderthal from what you seem to be implying every time you say it that we are supposed to copy. When I usually hear men generalised, its as testosterone filled, sport-loving dogs, who hump everything in sight and lack emotions so I’m sometimes confused by requests to act to stereotypes that you may not actually like, be careful what you wish for.
Guy: What’s wrong?
Guy: You don’t sound yourself did I do something
Girl: If you don’t know it doesn’t matter
Girl: See you don’t even care
This is definitely the winner of THEE MOST ANNOYING STATEMENT OF ALL TIME and only a mind reader or a guy who has admitted defeat already can not be affected by this.If he is in a bad mood already the fact that he has come to terms with this before will be quickly forgotten however and he will switch off immediately
“We need to talk”
If this is said at a time when both of you are actually free to speak but followed by “not now, later” the aim is to make you sweat and ponder about what you have done wrong and me even thinking about it is winding me up. If you make an issue of this be aware that a woman will tell you that if you have nothing to feel guilty about there should be no need to worry however this is the default line to rationalise what she is trying to do to you as guys are fully aware that when this conversation takes place it is about something petty most of the time even though the “we need to talk” was said in such a serious tone you pondered pregnancy, cheating allegations or a break up.
“I have a headache”
I may be a brother with no game but I haven’t received these words yet; however a few of the men I asked mentioned it. I have a headache is the most popular of the “I don’t want to have sex” lines. Justin Credible has assured me that sex is scientifically proven to cure headaches however maybe this article has not reached the masses. Holla at @CredibleJ for more scientific sex facts; he has loads.
Questions or Statements which you already know the answer to including:
What are we doing? You are not 12 come on don’t ask silly questions
Where is this going? No comment
What is that supposed to mean? I’m done
So that’s a few things I have noted that women say that might get on guy’s nerves and to be honest they are not to be taken literally and are only meant to highlight some of the things us guys wouldn’t mind a little less of for an easier life. Let me know if you have any to add.
(MEN: WE DONT KNOW WHAT WE DID!)
This is definitely the winner of THEE MOST ANNOYING STATEMENT OF ALL TIME and only a mind reader or a guy who has admitted defeat already can not be affected by this but if he is in a bad mood already the fact that he has come to terms with this before
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