Happy first of the month people hope you all had a good weekend and feel alive and energised for the week ahead and if you don’t you have definitely come to the right place to get a little boost (if you are dont worry you’re still in the right place).

Today I talk about one of the things I and I’m sure a lot of you guys love, music. I’m probably listening to music to least 4 hours a day; singing under my breath or rapping in front of the mirror convinced that I’m live in concert and there is absolutely no doubt that music has a profound effect on me. As I have grown over time, I have been a fan of various types of music and they probably mimic stages in my life if i’m honest; for instance as a young boy rolling with the mandem in the ends and minimal females “Gangster rap” was definitely the music I consumed most. I had the same relationship with The Lox, Mobb Deep, 2Pac, Capone and Noreaga that many women today have with Beyonce (a non existent one bordering on obsession). Those were the days when conversations could often go something like this.

Wannabe gangster 1: “ Fam have you seen [insert stupid tag/alias here] and them man?”

Kwelu (No I wont tell you what they used to call me): Naah g, them man are ghost fam, hiding and ting they aint on it.

Wannabe gangster 1: That’s what I’m saying g, shook ones

Cue the gangster rap quote

Kwelu: ‘Son they shook aint no such things as halfway crooks they scared to death they scared to look they shook’.

Mobb Deep – Shook Ones for those who don’t know.

We could chill out in someone’s house bumping a cd of someone with approximately 50 criminal offences, 200 threats and 1000 declarations that they are either “the realest” or the “last real n***a alive” smoking Indian hemp (as my mum likes to call it in her Nigerian accent after she has slapped me for having red eyes) and would play fight with each other. I would say no homo at this point but this was way before those times… we just grappled, grunted then returned to normal conversation, I cringe at the thought.

That was then, so what now? As an adult I can say that I have moved on and at this point I would like for readers to briefly stop and join me in prayer for those grown men still stuck at this stage in their lives. As I have experienced different types of moments and feelings, I have moved on to music that elicits different types of emotional responses; for example playing H town – Knocking The Boots and doing exactly that or a little bit of Usher’s  Trading Places and engaging in some bedroom gymnastics. I have learned to appreciate different types of music. Don’t get me wrong I still reminisce from time to time on my younger days and play a little 2Pac – Hit ‘Em Up but only when I’m pissed off.

So after the longest intro of all time let me get to the point. I am trying to illustrate how what you listen to may effect you so let’s look at this… If you were to find an Ipod on the train and scrolled through the tunes  do you think that could possibly teach you something about the owner? Lets discuss what your iPod says about you.

Playlists

First of all lets start with the most important thing your iPod can do apart from play and stop music and that is put it in to playlists. If I pick up your ipod and see there is no playlist im going to guess this possibly means one of the following things.

- You are either incredibly random and don’t mind listening to it on shuffle
- You like listening by artist or by album meaning you like to concentrate your attention on one person at a time
- unorganised
- not very computer literate.

I personally don’t like people who don’t utilise playlists, I end up thinking they’re unorganised and believe that red trainers and a yellow top go well with blue denim jeans. Often this is the same nincompoop who either owns an iPod shuffle or likes to have tunes on their iPod/iTunes which are named ‘Unknown Artist, Track 1’ you are annoying me already just thinking about it, why do you do this?????

Genre

The rest of what your iPod says about you can be found in what music you are listening to the most. I think having a look through someone’s iPod could definitely tell you something about them and if you want to gauge yourself how you are emotionally at any period of time, check the numbers on iTunes of the most played tracks and it will give you a good indication. For instance:

Swagger Rap (e.g Rick Ross, Lil Wayne etc)

I’m guessing this is for the person who already lives or dreams of a lavish lifestyle, you know one day driving a Lamborghini down a 40mph road in London with occasional speed bumps shouting “Bawse” out of the window, or maybe having ménage a trois in London’s finest hotels with video chicks and buying out the bar in raves. If your iPod is full of this kind of music it says a something about you. This is a good person to be with when your raving if you want to get drunk on champagne for free and like the highlife. Some people might boycott because of price but  whether this person can afford it or not BMF is the slogan.

Slow Jams

Somebody who has an iPod mainly consisting of slow jams usually has love on the brain often and likes romanticism, or on the flip side may be heartbroken and in a transitional process. If they are listening to Mary J Blige 90′s music they are probably heartbroken and need to hear Mary’s pain so they can feel better or just feel the urge to cry spontaneously on public transport while listening to music. If it’s more of the latest music they are more likely to be happy in love dedicating the playlist to their babes.

House/Drum n Bass/Jungle/Techno etc.

I love a bit of Deep soulful house and some Drum n Bass too; in 20 minute doses its great. If you have a lot of this in your most played though you are a raver (ollie ollie ollie..), this music is made with clubs in mind. It suggests social/talkative people who are probably fun to be around although they might sway to the wild side a little as two hours of techno on the iPod probably needs to be accompanied by Ecstasy or MDMA for the desired effect.

Glamorous Rnb Pop  (Beyonce, Rhianna etc)

If its full of these artists I’m expecting the girly girl who likes high fashion, beauty and current trends.  Especially if its a lot of their newer material which is of poorer quality despite the fact it was made at the height of their popularity; which some will argue is based on appearances (both style and stage performances lets be honest). Or the iPod could easily belong to the camp homosexual male as they love ‘Bey’ and ‘RiRi’, Gaga too and probably call their friends little monsters. You can’t really get too technical with the guesses though as this person could be from anywhere in the world, of any race and any age as Beyonce would probably win presidential elections in many countries worldwide if she ran today with Rhianna a good candidate to be running for Vice.

Rnb (Rythm and badmind)/ Hip hop. ( e.g Drake Trey Songz etc).

This group as with the previous, make up the hit maker squad; I cant even hate, these lot are on fire right now. This is probably the guy/girl that loves to party/vibe and not think too much, just have fun. There is a possibility that this person thinks stealing your girl/guy is okay if they have more swagger than you and that their haters exist on planet Earth in abundance…

Emo Rap (e.g Tyler The Creator)

I call it Emo rap because that’s what I think when I hear it. This is the music for either the rebel or the person who really just wants to demonstrate how much they are different from everybody else by liking it despite its obvious strange nature, in fact they are attracted to it for that reason. It’s similar to gangster rap and some Rock as it is devoid of all morals with raps about murder, Satanism etc and if you listen to Tyler’s ‘Bastard’ you will get what I mean. Yet you will probably get a very interesting conversation from these people and as they like to feel they are not bound by conventional rules will probably be whacky or adventurous. Just put a few of these die hard fans on suicide watch.

The Revolutionaries (Talib Kweli, Kendrick Lamar, Lupe Fiasco)

They can talk to you for 6 hours straight about the Illuminati,  Mind control and global corruption. If this mix is over 50% of the Ipod they probably take current affairs incredibly seriously and leisure time is spent thinking not so much about dancing but whether Karl Marx or Farrakhan made a mixtape. I would expect this to be someone to go to, to inform me on current affairs but be wary that this person might spontaneously shout “The white man is the devil” at any given moment.

I have left out many listeners like the chilled person who listens to 90% Soul/Neo Soul (I hate that term) and probably loves a bit of Spoken Word and also have to mention the person who is a varied mix of everything who probably is a bit of each when it suits them. Please do not ask where is Indie rock etc as I have limited knowledge on this besides Kings Of Leon and Coldplay.

Me? My most played tunes came up as J Cole Ft Miguel ‘All I Want Is You’, Frank Ocean ‘Swim Good’, Black Coffee Ft Thiwe ‘Crazy‘, Kings of Leon ‘Closer’ and Nneka ‘Heartbeat’. I wonder what that says about me? What are yours?

Peace out and Robin Van Persie is the truth!

Don Kwelu

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