You Have No Idea
It has come to my recent attention that most women have absolutely no idea what men like or what they view as particularly important when it comes to women. Its probably the same for men in regards to what women like and what they find important; however that is not the purpose of this exercise so let me not digress…
The other day the boys and I were talking to our female friends about who’s hot and who’s not, as you do sometimes. It wasn’t a big shock to notice that we could not agree as to who we found most attractive due to subjectivity. What was surprising though was the fact that the women could not accurately guess who we found most attractive, in fact they actually picked who they liked and tried to bully us in to believing what they think. (Note to Ladies: Stop asking me if I think a man is attractive, I don’t really know the answer to that).
As men we often formulate our opinions on what women have told us as we are not physically attracted to men in the first place (okay some are). The ladies tell me Idris Elba, Common, Morris Chestnut or Taye Diggs etc are the top boys so I guess a man with a bald head and symmetrical features is winning.
So if you ask me what women like I will just regurgitate what women have told me. I find it surprising then that when I asked Twitter, Facebook and friends “Men what women do you find most attractive?” and “Women what Women do you think Men find most attractive?” many women told me ‘Beyonce’, ‘Rihanna’ and ‘I don’t know’ amongst others; whilst most men were saying Cassie, Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union and are still talking of Stacey Dash FIFTEEN + years later as the number 1. Rihanna and Beyonce were not mentioned ONCE.
Lets get this clear in case there is any confusion; women fancy ‘Bey’ and ‘Rhi Rhi’ a hell of a lot more than we do, this is a fact. For those of you who will claim us men have moved past our Beyonce/Rihanna stage as we were raving about them yesterday let me remind you, we STILL love Stacey Dash more than any other FIFTEEN years later. So how does this happen? How did it all get so lost in translation? Easy, women just have no idea what we like and refuse to actually listen to us. I’m going to give a list of things that women are infatuated with in some cases and mildly obsessed with that us men on the other hand generally do not give a damn about; although in some of these cases women will argue on the contrary. Before any women jump to conclusions however, read this to the end and give my conclusion a chance.
Weight
Unless you are Precious unhealthy overweight in which case you may be in need of some excerise asap, your weight is of little significance to most men. All those female sizes just fly over my head: 8,10,12,14 whatever. It occurred to me ages ago that a woman’s perception of fat is considerably skinnier than a man’s perception of fat. I also realised a long time ago that people who really are ‘fat’ rarely complain about their weight and tend to just keep quiet, its the slim to average size people who do. Men are not bothered about anything but extremes. (Special note to our black women: only a handful of black men are trying to date a black version of Keira Knightley or Nicole Ritchie).
Stretch Marks
I’ll let Katt Williams speak… (Warning: He uses the N word)
Long Hair
Another massive obsession for women that men do not care about in the slightest. I don’t think I have ever looked at Halle Berry or Nia Long and thought “nah man her hair isn’t long enough”. When X Factor was on if Kelly Rowland’s weave was a contestant it would have definitely got to the final on black female votes alone. Don’t get me wrong its all good if its your thing but don’t obsess in the hope you will look more attractive; we like KELLY not the Remy so don’t even go there with that “men don’t approach me if I don’t have my 18 inch installed”. Please stop making your head piece a scapegoat for your bad luck.
Eyebrows, Nails, Eyelashes and Lady Parts etc.
Hollywood, Brazilian, Istanbul or Peckham, as long it doesn’t look like you’re trying to grow locks down there, the entry is smooth and we don’t get sparks flying because of friction, we are all good.
How much food you eat in my presence or How you eat it.
Whether the restaurant is Chef du aulais blah blah or Tyrone’s, stop acting like a weirdo and eat; if you want to pick the chicken up with your hands, do so. Also stop telling us we need to go to restaurants where the food portions look like they were made for 6 year olds. Do you know how many dinner parties I end up leaving to go to the chicken shop after because I’m still hungry? I would say dates but I refuse unless the menu looks tasty.
When we first have sex.
By all means wait until you are comfortable, I respect that but as we’ve said on many an occassion avoid the “I have got to wait for three months because he might think bad of me” rule. If he respects you, he respects you….if he does not, three months of blue balls is not going to change his mind.
If you **** like a Pornstar
I knew you wasn’t a virgin when I met you so let your hair down and stop pretending. I am not going to question the origin of your skills just enjoy them.
Lingerie
I was talking underwear on twitter yesterday and I promise you I’m not a pervert so I cannot back track, French knickers are the truth. However all that lingerie stuff is overrated except in certain circumstances and men do not really care in practice. While you stand in front of us with it on, all we are think of is ripping it off and throwing it somewhere on the floor. Unless there is a routine that goes with the attire, do not over think it.
How much, Who designed, or how many pairs of shoes you own
Im 100% sure some women pretend to like shoes more than they do so they can pretend that their life resembles a Hollywood flick, however we men do not care. “I need a separate room for my shoes” *bimbo voice* whatever man, the bottom of your shoe could be red, blue, orange or purple its up to you, do not ask me if I like them as I cant tell the difference.
There are a few more but I have a plate of food from Vapianos waiting for me am running out of time . I know what a lot of women are thinking right now, “we do these things because we like them and men should not assume everything is about and for them” and I whole heartedly agree. However if the general consensus of beauty changed it is most likely you would also too in order to align yourself with it, so let us not deny that a lot of what you do is to attract the opposite sex. For those who actually do these things thinking it will attract men, realise men will most often like you for you, if you are judging anything that counts as significant. We are simple beings who deal in extremes not the smaller details; don’t stress yourself to impress…listen to some Jessie J and cool out.
Peace out
Don Kwelu
Ladies and Gents what are your thoughts? Gents do you agree that many women worry about things that we’re not concerned with? Ladies do you agree or have your own theory? Speak on it!
18 comments on “You Have No Idea”
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@Waiki, Ok, just for you I’m going to do that, I actually had it divided into bits that had some character traits but it was waaaay too long. Lingerie to most men is what you call great in theory but in practice we tend to forget and just picture nakedness. We deal in extremes like I said, we don’t want horrible worn out looking underwear but its more about the woman than the accessories. In regards to the hair thing I thought it was well known that most men don’t like weave although they don’t detest it and this is what generally tends to enhance length. I always mention choice and due to the fact long weave is more common than not we have little of that when it comes to different styles and long hair Is more a preference of women than men (read our “Pursuit of Nappiness” article if you haven’t already). The list is really dependant on your circle of friends however and nothing is an absolute. Thanks for your support and comment once again much appreciated.
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“When X Factor was on if Kelly Rowland’s weave was a contestant it would have definitely got to the final on black female votes alone.”
*Cries with laughter*
I think as weave becomes more and more normal (girls are throwing some 22s on it like it’s nothing), anything else (braids, short hair etc.) is seen as…different, and kind of strange. I think some guys would pick Remy over Kelly without even realising it.
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Great post! I love it and it made me laugh out loud. Read a similar post aimed at women on ivillage about dating rules women should ignore. It’s hard for a woman not to think the above doesn’t matter when years of watching chick flicks and Sex and the City tells you they kind of do.
Besides the simplicity of men can be too simple, we often feel we don’t try hard enough.Also! What is an Alpha male? A friend mentioned this to me and it intrigued me ever since.
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Love this post and I feel it has some truth to it and I say ‘some’ because I think for some ladies it has past the point of trying please men but also trying to look better then other females. In a sense it has turned into a competition, who has the nicest hair, the most expensive shoes and the tightest body. Yes! the idea is we want to impress the opposite sex but I have noticed females spend more time watching each other then actually giving them the time of day,
All in all i did enjoy this post though
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could not agree more with The Don, a man will not complain about anything that is within the realms of “normal” once we enter the extremes, it becomes a problem.
i’ve said this to my female friends for years “men are simple, treat them simply” but it seems my word have been falling on deaf ears. *sigh*
anyways, big up for the Vapiano’s dining, that spot is the one.
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Did he say “Niggadom” -pahah
Interesting post, enjoyed the read. Hmmmm..I believe there are men who are not concerned and men who are concerned with some of the above. In fact some pretend they are not fussed, some are definitely not fussed and others are straight fussed. lol.
BWNG always a pleasure!!
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interesting post.
i’ll say this, the reason why women believe or dont believe certain things – is because its not the regular, dont blog/use twitter dudes we’re hearing/reading/seeing.it’s the arrogant/loud/im going to parade my preferences in your face and you’re just sad single bitter black woman dude whose voice is the loudest.
i’ll admit, that i was that chick that pretty much correlated weave to being hit on more. when all it was, was me walking down the street feeling myself (not literally of course). it was that which was getting the fellas attention, because the body stayed the same.
that being said, there is still a subset of fellas who have their preferences, and while the natural hair movement is growing, there are still plenty of ignorant fellas who believe that my head of super curls is just laziness. and doesn’t warrant any kind of holleration.
i hope this comment made sense, cuz im hungry. lol.
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Yet somewhere there’s a slew of ignorant black men overly concerned with black womens hair, whether it’s real or not, and how long it is. *shrugs*
This may be true for you, and most of the list is true for me aswell (weight, health, fitness IS important to me, and it will be important to any woman I date also or we simply wont date..lol)….it doesn’t change the experiences many women have had with men who are overly concerned with perhaps multiple aspects of this list.
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This ish right here….truth all the way. Good post bro. Cant even add anything to this. The Katt Williams clip had me rolling
Sir Fariku recently posted..Musings: Can anything good come out of Nigeria? -
Great post! According to some Nigerian comedian, guys usually say stuff like:
- omdz she’s got some sick b*m/wicked t**ts.
But you’ll never hear em say “jheez, her hair’s gorgeous” to another brother.
Rather we say it only to the ladies cos that’s what they wanna hear anyways. Some even remind you to compliment the new hair if you fail to notice it. -
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Being natural is really hard to achieve. Though chemical and natural treatment is effective and safe. Thus, it can be more advantage to have natural treatment that can prevent hair loss problem.
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Right! Hilarious post as always but can I just say 2 things. The first one, I really wanted the post to mention some of the qualities/character traits that men want in women
You only listed things that relate to physical appearance, what about everything else? What is it men like in women, in terms of their characters/personalities etc.? pleeeease do another post on that!!! And the second thing I wanted to say is – I know quite a few guys that would disagree with the lingerie thing, the shoes thing, and the hair thing. From conversations I’ve had with male friends, lingerie and underwear is a massive thing. Long hair is the general preference, and as for shoes – most guys I know say they hate when women wear flats. And modern men are showing more and more interest in designer shoes, especially the red sole, ha!
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